Lips of an angel

Eight

Head first down the porcelain throne only fifteen minutes, one beer and a shot after getting to the club is where I find myself right now. My drinking actions definitely doesn’t justify me spewing my guts out.

I can hear Jo and Nix arguing outside the stall.

“Move out of my way Jo.” Nicole sounds angry and concerned. If she thought their was something wrong with me earlier she is definitely convinced I am certifiable now.

“Let’s just give her a moment Nix. There is no need for you to see her like that.” Jo’s usual calm tone is probably only making matters worse right now.

“We live together you i***t. I have seen her every which way and I still love her. So move!” Nicole’s voice sounds closer now and I can just imagine her tapping her foot, a tick she has developed in the time she met Jo. This is not an unfamiliar side of Nicole, in fact this is Nicole’s usual demeanor when in Jo’s presence. Since day one these two were unable to get along. Over time they have learnt to be cordial purely for my benefit.

“Hey it’s your s*x life you’re killing, not mine.” Oh no Jo. Don’t go there. Grabbing some toilet paper I wipe my mouth and flush as I stand up right and prepare myself to face my girlfriend. As I open the door Jo quickly hands me some breath mints which I am grateful for. Seconds later Nicole is at my side and in my personal space.

”Are you ok honey?” She asks patting down the sides of my face.

“I am fine babe. I must have just taken that shot too quickly.” I attempt a chuckle, but Nicole doesn’t buy it.

Think Liv, think!

“Ok fine. It’s the nerves. Jo and I were planning on doing a duet. And I…” but before I can finish Nicole is all over me planting kisses on every inch of my face. Words of gratitude and awe are mumbled in between as guilt and dread settle in. I manage to catch a glimpse of Jo’s face and I can tell I am in a heap of trouble. But I can handle Jo’s trouble.

Once we return to the bar Lola is nowhere to be found, thankfully. Mia and Donna have started singing and Nicole is sitting on my lap insisting that I finish a soda and some of the food laid out before drinking anything else.

“I just want to make sure you are okay.” She says feeding me some fries. Usually I would object to this level of embarrassment but Nicole is getting so many free passes tonight because of my guilt.

If she only knew.

“I am good babe. Come on Mia is waiting on you. Go and do your thing and let me get some more liquid courage.” I joke. The moment Nicole is on the stage and singing Jo breaks her silence.

“You are so screwed.”

“Not now Jo.” Is all I manage as I take down another shot of tequila. Tequila is definitely not my beverage of choice. I hate the stuff, it tastes horrible and burns all the way down. Usually I like creating a slow gentle buzz. But tonight I do don’t have the luxury of time.

Tonight I have one job and one job only and that is making sure that my girlfriend whom I love, is having a good time. Every thought of confusion linked to Lola needs to vacate my head. Enough is enough. I spent too much time on Lola when I was younger. And stupid. Not again.

“Well I think you need to inform her about your plan. You know the one were you pretend none of it ever happened.” Jo says again gesturing over my shoulder. I am not brave nor stupid enough to turn around this time.

“Why can’t you just leave well enough alone. None of it matters anyway. I am with Nicole. And Lola is in my past.”

I don’t need to turn around to know that she is standing right behind me. She is so close I can feel her warm breath on my neck or perhaps that’s just me breaking out in nervous sweats.

“I am?” The question comes out soft and sad. And I pretty sure if I looked at her right now I would be able to see that unmistakable Lola lower lip tremor. For years that tremor would be my undoing. I would be determined to stand my ground and then Lola would whip out the lower lip tremor and I would be a goner.

I slowly turn around and sure as s**t there it is.

“You cannot be doing this to me.” I mutter more to myself but she hears every word.

“Me?” And I see a tear threaten to spill over. I immediately start to freak out.

“Please don’t cry Lola.” I say reaching out to comfort her and at the same time my eye lands on Nicole. She sees the exchange just as it turns awkward and I hover with my hands half way between me and Lola. Realizing that I need to follow through, I awkwardly give Lola a half hug, half pat on the back. This is not what I had planned for the night. Why was everything going so horrible wrong? Nicole is still watching the exchange but thankfully she isn’t coming any closer.

“Lola please, can we not do this here.” I ask with a strange smile on my face. My expression is clearly not matching the words coming out of my mouth. I need to make sure that Nicole cannot detect my anxiety.

“Fine, but we need to talk.” She says clearly picking on my desperate need to keep this away from Nicole and she exploits my panic. I desperately want to shut her down. Yell at her that there is no point. That there is nothing she can say right now to fix what happened. More importantly I want to point out to her that I am with Nicole.I want her to see that I am happy. But most importantly that I am over her.

But I didn’t say any of those things, because even though I haven’t seen Lola in several years I still know her. She wouldn’t take that kind of rejection lightly. And I am not prepared to have this discussion in the middle of a karaoke club.

“Yes.” Is all I manage to say, luckily it seems sufficient. Plastering on an equally fake smile she offers me my same half hug, half pat on the back and snatches my shot from my hand and throws it down her throat before leaving.

Nicole’s eyes who have not moved from my face through the entire exchange seems satisfied enough to return her attention to Mia who is completely oblivious to it all.

“Like I said, completely screwed.” Jo’s voice booms in my ear. Turning around to look at her I contemplate retaliating with a witty retort but instead I opt to make my way over to Nicole. I need to be with her right now. If nothing else Nicole calms me down. And right now my heart is racing, my palms are sweaty and I am anything but calm.