SHUT UP AND KISS ME!

CHAPTER 5

"I want to talk to you about something Abbie, I think it"s time for you to know about your father."

Those were the words I dreaded to hear from my mother. As much as I want to know the truth there is a great fear behind it. Fear that he didn"t want me that"s why he abandoned us.

"Abbie your father is Robert Williams. We were high school sweethearts, he is a very caring and affectionate man." She utter like she wants to go back to the past again.

"He"s father owned a construction firm in North Carolina. When we graduated in high school I didn"t have enough funds to continue to college. Your father studied civil engineering while I work as a waitress in a diner. Even if he"s in university he never forgets to communicate with me, he always finds time for us to be together." She takes a deep breath and looked at me with those sad eyes.

"In his senior year in college I got pregnant with you. I"m just twenty years old at that time so I got scared, I"m not ready to be a mom. I thought your father will not take responsibility and forsaken me but when I told him my condition he was elated. All my fears vanish and then he proposed to me. He wants us to marry after he finishes his degree. I"m busy preparing the wedding while he focuses on his studies." Hearing that makes me feel relieved. He wants me! My father loves me! It eases that familiar ache in my heart.

"But like all relationships we started having problems, his father didn"t agree with the engagement but Robert stands firm. He fights for us. In the end your grandfather gave us his blessings. That"s just the start of our trials. Your father met Samantha, she"s a pretty lady. At first they hangout and became good friends. I was three months pregnant when your father"s best friend Tony showed up at the dinner and told me that he have feelings for me. He said he will treat you as his own if I just give him a chance. Of course I didn"t agree with his insane idea. Your father is my first and only love, but Tony didn"t give up and proceeded to court me. I rejected him many times." Mom narrated. I can see her holding back her tears.

"One night while I"m closing the diner Tony barge in and tried to get a pass on me. He pushed me on the wall and started kissing me that’s were your father enters the diner and witness the scene. He thought I have a relationship with Tony. He left immediately, I tried to chase him but he was gone. I paid him a visit in his boarding house in uni when I opened the door to his room I saw him sleeping and Samantha was beside her naked." She"s crying heavily now heaving, she pause for a while trying to catch her breath to continue her story.

"When I saw them my world collapse, I cannot bare to see him again. I leave immediately far away from him. I don"t know where I will go but all I know is I cannot give up, I have to fight for the both of us. I settled here in New York. I don"t have any regrets in what happen to my life because you’re the best thing that ever happen to me." She smiles at me with tears in her eyes.

I embrace her tightly soothingly rubbing my hand on her back while she cried on my shoulder. I had tears in my eyes too, I cried for the woman who lost her love, I cried for her pain. I cried for the broken but strong woman in my arms.

After a while she ceases her crying. I can see that her eyes had a different glow maybe her confession lifted some of the burden that she"s keeping inside.

"Mom I"m glad that finally you decided to enlighten me about my father. I understand what you did keeping me away from him." I hold her hand. Knowing what happened in the past lifted a heavy feeling inside me.

"Abbie I"m sorry you didn"t experience the love your father can give you, I know when your growing up you crave to know about him but I thought you"re so young to understand." I can feel the sorrow in her voice.

She keep this a secret to me for twenty five years. Whenever I look to myself in the mirror it reminds me of him. I"m always wondering why I don"t have a father, Where is he? What is he like? Does my eyes really a reflection of him?

She takes a photo in her back pocket and hand it to me. I take it with shaking hands, it was a picture of my mother when she was younger. She looks so happy in the picture her eyes twinkling with happiness. There is a man behind her his arms around her shoulders embracing her lovingly. His chin resting on the top of her head. I stare in his face for a long time, I memorized every detail of his features. He has a wavy chocolate brown hair it"s a bit long reaching his nape, a square jaw which convey a sense of authority, high cheek bones, Roman nose and emerald green eyes.

All my life I live everyday knowing that my life is incomplete. No one else can fill that space but the person who didn"t give me a chance to know him.

My mother"s confession answered my previous questions but it has been a way for another set of questions to flood my mind.

"Did he ever try to find us?" I blurted out.

"Your Aunt Mary called me when I gave birth to you, she said Robert talk to her about me. He wants to see me but I don"t have the courage to face him. I"m afraid that when I see him I cannot help myself but to fall again for him. I cannot take another heartache, I don"t want to feel my heart die again." Fat tears rolled down her cheeks. Admitting that she"s not brave enough to risk her heart again.

"All your father knows is that I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Abbie." She said smiling through her tears.

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I dedicate this chapter to my decreased mother, "Nanay nasaan ka man palagi ka sa puso ko." (Mom wherever you are you will always be in my heart.)

Song for this CHAPTER

Wake me up when September ends by Green day