Kabanata 24
1470 Words
Caya
"Come on, Caya. It's gonna be fun!" pangungumbinsi ni Ginny sa akin. Nasa kwarto ako at nagbabasa nang sugurin niya ako para yayain sa inuman.
I sighed. "Fine, pero hindi ako gaanong iinom, ah?"
Ngumisi siya. "Sure!" Hinawakan niya ako sa braso. "Tara na. They're waiting for us."
I put my book down and went out of the beach house. Hinatak ako ni Ginny patungo sa lugar kung saan sila nag-set up ng bonfire, ngunit nang makita ko ang lalakeng nagdadagdag ng panggatong sa apoy, pakiramdam ko ay gusto ko na lamang bumalik na sa beach house at ipagpatuloy ang pagbabasa ko.
David fixed the bean bag after seeing me. Kahit ayaw ko sana ay naupo na lamang ako roon. I felt Rafael's stare as I sat on the bean bag. Tila kahit malakas na ang apoy ay gusto niya pang dagdagan ang kahoy kung hindi lamang siya nasuway ni Azul.
"Sorry," he apologized.
Azul jerked his head then gave him a bottle of beer. Kinuha naman iyon ni Rafael saka siya naupo sa bandang likuran, sa bahaging maayos naming nasusulyapan ang isa't isa kahit ayaw ko.
"Let's play! Truth or dare!" suhestyon ni Ginny habang pasimpleng pumipwesto sa tabi ni Rafael. God, I badly wanted to roll my eyes but Rafael was looking at me as if he's watching my reaction!
No, big boy. I will not give you what you're waiting for . . .
"Yeah, it's gonna be fun," suporta ni David sa suhestyon ni Ginny.
I accepted the beer David gave me. Sumimsim ako roon saka ko pasimpleng pinanood kung papaanong nginitian ni Ginny si Rafael. She even touched his arm as if feeling his muscles. Bigla tuloy pumasok sa isip ko ang mga gabing pinagsaluhan namin ni Rafael sa cruise ship.
I remember those arms wrapping around me while I was on top of him. We're both panting as our lips were nearly brushing against each other. Our bodies, naked and in heat.
Good God, what the hell did just come inside my head? Hindi naman ako lasing pero bakit iyon na ang naiisip ko?
The game started. Unang binato ng tanong ni Crude.
"Crude, truth or dare?" Ginny asked.
"Truth," Crude answered without second thoughts.
"Are you still in love with Astrid?" batong tanong ni Ginny.
Umismid si Crude then showed his hand that's holding Mylene's. "Got myself a life-long love so nope. Astrid and I are still friends, though."
"Ang insensitive mo naman magtanong, Ginny!" si David.
Ginny raised a brow. "Insensitive lang 'yon kung hindi confident ang partners nila!"
"Alright, let's get the ball rolling before you end up on a fist fight," ani Crude bago bumaling kay Rafael. "Bro, truth or dare."
Rafael sighed. "Ba't ako kaagad?"
Ginny giggled. "Gano'n talaga."
Nagkamot siya ng batok. "Fine. Truth."
"Crude, pwede bang ako ang magtanong?" Astrid asked. Ewan ko pero bigla akong kinabahan!
"Sure," Crude answered. "Go ahead."
Astrid smirked as she looked at Rafael. "What's the worst thing you've ever done?"
Sandaling naestatwa si Rafael. Awtomatiko ring dumapo sa aking direksyon ang kanyang tingin na tila ako ang unang pumasok sa isipan niya matapos marinig ang tanong. Napainom tuloy ako ng alak. I nearly jugged it all the way to the bottom if only David didn't stop me.
"Hey, the night is still young, Caya," David reminded.
Lumunok ako't tumango. Kinuha naman ni David ang kumot at inilagay sa aking mga balikat. Bigla akong natigilan nang maalala kung papaano ring ginawa iyon noon ni Rafael. The nostalgia I felt made my chest tighten, and the next thing I knew, I was already staring at Rafael with all the emotions I am not ready to put into words.
His eyes flickered with jealousy. Humugot siya ng hininga at sandaling tinungga ang kanyang alak habang nakatitig pa rin sa akin.
"Rafael, we're waiting," Astrid reminded.
Tumingin siya kay Astrid saka siya basag na ngumiti. "Raising my voice at someone who only wanted to help me? Breaking a pure heart and . . . choosing to leave her instead of waiting for her to open the door even if I'd bruise my knuckles for knocking all day? I got a long list, Astrid."
I scoffed. "You left without proper goodbye. That's worse than raising your voice."
"And I regret it," he said firmly while looking at me.
Gumalaw ang kanyang panga habang natahimik naman ang lahat na tila naguguluhan sa nangyayari. Well, except Astrid and Croft who knew our history.
I raised my brow. "Were you? Kasi kung nagsisisi ka, you would've reached out."
"How will I do that when she didn't open the door when I tried to knock? I assumed she didn't wanna see me nor talk to me after I raised my voice at her."
Kumunot ang aking noo. "You . . . knocked?"
Umiwas siya ng tingin at itinuon ang mga mata sa kanyang bote. "Yeah. For straight five minutes but she didn't let me in."
Lumunok ako. "Hindi mo ba naisip na baka wala naman siya roon?"
He sighed. "Hindi ko na naisip 'yon."
My fists clenched. "Well, she wasn't there! She spent her night at her friend's cabin because she felt guilty for not respecting your decision. She looked for you but you were nowhere to be found! She kept looking even when she's already a mess, crying her heart out while scanning each face that passes by her—"
"Caya . . ." tawag ni Astrid.
Para akong natauhan. Nang mapagtanto ko ang mga nasabi ko ay huli na. Everyone is already looking at me, wondering why my eyes are now bloodshot.
I sniffed. "I'm sorry. I got carried away. I . . . need to use the restroom."
Hindi ko na hinintay ang sasabihin nila. Naglakad ako palayo at nagtungo sa pinakamalapit na common restroom ng resort. I went inside one of the cubicles and sat on the toilet seat. Hinayaan kong pumatak ang aking mga luha habang kinakalma ko ang nagwawala kong dibdib.
Maya-maya ay may narinig akong mga yapak. Tumigil ang lalake sa tapat ng cubicle na gamit ko saka siya bumuntonghininga.
"I'm sorry. I . . . didn't know you weren't in your cabin. I badly wanted to apologize and . . . to ask for another chance, pero noong hindi mo ako pinagbuksan, natalo ako ng isip ko. Inisip ko kaagad na ayaw mo na. Na tapos na kung ano mang namagitan sa atin. I was scared that I'd break you even more if I'd force myself to you after what I've done. Hindi ako nag-reach out dahil . . . napangunahan ako ng takot. God knows how many times I tried to send you a message but each time I was about to press the send button, my mind would tell me that you're better off without a failure like me. I will just stain your name and ruin your career. I didn't . . . wanna drag you with me." I heard Rafael inhaled a sharp breath. "Kung alam ko lang na mas nasaktan kita sa hindi ko pagpaparamdam, sana . . . hindi na lang ako nagpatalo sa takot ko. Patawarin mo ko. Kung pwede ko lang . . . agawin lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman mo ngayon, ginawa ko na pero hindi. All I could do is . . . wish that you will heal soon. Na kung pwedeng . . . makalimutan mo na lang ako para mas madali kang maghilom. Maybe . . . that's better."
Napahikbi na ako nang tuluyan. How dare he say that? How dare he wish for me to forget him?! Hindi ba talaga niya susubukang aluin man lang ako?!
I pursed my lips. Do I . . . want him to at least try again?
Natutop ko ang aking bibig. Hindi ko na alam. Gulong-gulo na ang isip ko. Hindi ko matukoy kung ano ba talaga ang gusto kong mangyari. Ang alam ko lang ay nasasaktan ako sa mga narinig ko.
"Caya . . ." His voice sounded as if he's in pain. "I hope you will heal someday . . . and once you are ready to . . . give me another chance, I . . . swear I wouldn't mess it up anymore."
Napahikbi ako. Ang palad ay nanatiling nakatakip sa aking bibig habang pinakikinggan ko ang malalalim niyang paghinga.
"I missed you, Caya. I wish I could show you how much I actually longed for you . . ." he added before he finally left.
Kumawala ang aking hikbi at naikuyom ko na lamang ang mga kamao kong ngayon ay nakapatong na sa aking kandungan.
I missed him, too. No matter how painful it was to remember him, I really missed him, too . . . and I hate myself even more that . . .
- Writer
