Kabanata 15
1116 Words
Caya
Astrid has been locking herself in her cabin since last week. Kapag nakikita ko rin si Croft ay hindi ko mapigilang malungkot lalo na at halata rin sa kanyang mukha na gaya ni Astrid, nahihirapan din siya sa kanilang sitwasyon.
I held onto the railing as I watched the vast ocean. Nasa highest view deck ako para makipagkita kay Croft. Gusto ko sana siyang makausap tungkol kay Astrid. Hindi naman sa mangingialam ako. I just want him to understand that what they are planning to do will surely break Astrid's heart.
The sky is starting to turn into a beautiful canvas of amber and crimson orange as the sun begins to set. Napakaaliwalas. It gives me the kind of warmth I felt when I bid my goodbye to Crystal and my mother.
Not all goodbyes, I guess, is sad. Some offers a sense of freedom, and no matter how selfish it sounds, that's . . . what I felt when I finally cut my ties with them.
"You wanna talk to me?"
Nilingon ko ang bandang likuran ko nang marinig ang tinig ni Croft. He's in his simple black v-neck shirt matched with a blue denim jeans and black sneakers. His hair is properly waxed like it always does while a silver necklace with a helm pendant hang around his neck.
"Yeah." I flashed a small smile. "I hope you're not busy."
"Not at all."
Lumapit siya sa railing at isinandal ang likod doon. Inipit ko naman ang aking buhok sa likod ng tainga nang tumabon sa aking mukha ang ilang hibla dahil sa hampas ng hangin.
"It's uhm, it's about Astrid. She's been refusing to leave her cabin since last week. Nag-aalala ako," I said.
Bumuntonghininga si Croft. "I've been trying to talk to her but she didn't wanna see me." Basag siyang ngumiti. "Said it would be easier for her to accept our break up if she wouldn't see me that much while in this cruise."
Lumamlam ang aking mga mata. "Ayaw kong mangialam, Croft pero . . . mahal mo naman si Astrid, hindi ba?"
"I love her more than anything, Caya . . . but she loves her career. She built it and made it her world when we were apart. When she thought I abandoned her as soon as I got out of the country."
"Then maybe you should fight for her. At least show her that you mean everything you said."
Humugot siya ng malalim na hininga saka tiningala. I saw how his adam's apple bobbed up and down a few moments before he broke the silence enveloping us.
"You know, Caya, not everything that happens in the movies, happen in real life. Hindi rin lahat applicable sa totoong buhay. Astrid built her career without my help. Who am I to tear it apart when I wasn't even there when she's building her empire? Yes, it's pretty romantic to see people give up their careers for the sake of love when you are watching a movie but in reality . . ." He sighed. "It shouldn't work that way. I . . . don't think love should require you to give up everything else that makes you happy just to keep it."
My shoulders fell. "But . . . she's going to lose you."
He gave me a weak smile. "No, Caya. That's never gonna happen. I will always wait for her. Maybe we have the right love at the wrong time again, but I won't get tired of waiting for the right moment for us. Kapag . . . hindi na niya kailangang isakripisyo ang mga pinaghirapan niya para lang sa akin."
I sighed. "Naiintindihan ko."
He jerked his head and then gave my shoulder a pat. "Enjoy the last few days of the cruise. Astrid and I don't wanna spoil your fun because of our relationship."
Tanging mahinang tango na lamang ang isinagot ko. Nang tawagin siya sa control room ay nanatili pa ako sa view deck upang magmuni-muni.
I wonder. Would I give up my career for the man I love if my love for acting begins to get in the way of our relationship?
Napakamot ako ng sintido. Ano ba naman iyong iniisip ko? Ni hirap nga akong magtiwala nang lubusan dahil baka kontrolin din ako gaya ng ginawa nina Mommy sa akin? Yes, I am letting myself have something steamy with Rafael but I am keeping my guards up. Isa pa ay . . . alam ko namang hindi siya ang tipo ng lalakeng handang sumugal sa akin.
I tucked my hair and wa about to leave the upper deck when I spotted someone walking towards the edge of the lower view deck. Hindi ako nahirapang kilalanin ang lalakeng may kausap na babae. They went near the railing. Sumandal si Rafael doon habang lumingkis naman ang babae sa kanyang braso.
Rafael looked hot in his summer polo and khaki shorts. His hair was a bit messy as if he'd ran his fingers onto it quite a few times. Ang hindi ko maintindihan ay ang tila madilim niyang ekspresyon. Although there's a slight smirk on his thin lips, his eyes were dark and his jaw looked so define because he was clenching it. Parang . . . nagagalit o . . . naiinis.
I found myself getting frozen on my spot as I watched Rafael grin while talking to the girl. Napakalapit ng kanilang mga mukha habang may mga hawak na bote ng alak. The girl even pulled him a bit so she could whisper on Rafael's ear.
Napagawi sa aking direksyon ang tingin ni Rafael noong bulungan ng babaeng kasama. Huli na para makapagtago ako. Nahuli na niya akong nakatingin, ngunit imbes na umiwas siya ay ngumisi pa siya sa akin saka niya ipinakita ang bote ng beer na tila inaalok ako.
I swallowed the lump forming in my throat before I shook my head. Umiwas na siya ng tingin pagkatapos kong tumanggi. Ang atensyon ay itinuon na nang buo sa babaeng kausap.
My lips pursed. Bakit parang . . . bumigat yata ang dibdib ko? Ito ba 'yong sinasabing attachment sa nakauna sa iyo?
I sighed. Iniwas ko na ang aking tingin saka ako humakbang paalis ng view deck. At sa bawat hakbang ko, ipinaaalala ko sa aking sariling wala kaming usapang eksklusibo lamang kami sa isa't isa habang naririto sa cruise ship.
Pinindot ko ang elevator saka ako sumandal sa pader. Looks like I'm gonna have to sleep in Astrid's room tonight.
I don't wanna hear how the other girl would moan Rafael's name while he claims her right on the same bed where I gave up my virginity . . .
- Writer
