The Life of Her

Her World

Six Months Before

Amber Kate Madison’s POV

“What are you even doing?! Where do you think you’re going at this current time?” Mom yelled at me, her eyes were deeply raged and she was desperate in throwing my clothes out of my luggage, back to my bed.

I couldn’t think of another way to solve this but to simply walk away and start a new one. But it seems, that she doesn’t want me to have peace neither to leave our house. It has only been a month since father left us for good. And I know, he’s in the right place now. I wouldn’t blame him for his absence, because his death is still not acceptable, well, maybe only just for me now.

My eyes scanned the place – the home I used to share my meals with them and build memories is now turned into a woeful one – a totally different. Things really could just drastically change without having the glimpse. I scoffed. Mother used to make pancakes with maple syrup every morning but now she doesn’t have the vibe to even just make some for herself. Lively beats of music are now changed into lullabies. Well-cleaned drawers are now filled with thick, perfidious cobwebs and fine, gritty dust. The television where we used to watch movies and eat popcorns is mostly turned off. Lights were dimmed. And most of all, the unbearable silence is there to make you feel unease or might as well get numb by its presence.

Perhaps, making herself busy in the orphanage is her own way to deal with her loss. She would have night shifts and even got herself into overtime. Keeping herself busy to avoid in remembering him is the best thing she could do for now – the thing that I have settled in my mind. I sniffed once again and there I saw those things on top of the dining table outside – hard liquors. Since when did she start to drink those? Not that I have the chance to ask her out about what she’s doing. Probably because after her workdays, she would be slacking off inside her room after she had fed Toby - too tired, to even ask about my studies. When Dad left, it was misery and things got even worse. I sighed. I looked at her with pleading eyes. Please allow me to go.

I wished that she would let me do it. But this time, she was dead serious about making me stay. Her eyes were locked to mine, completely saying no. I don’t want to start a fight with her again. I just need to recollect my emotions again and find myself. I need time to gather my thoughts.

I took several steps to her and directly held her right arm. She stared at my hand then eventually raised her head to meet my gaze. Her eyes were now filled with tears that she was holding still. I don’t want to look at her. Redirecting my sight, I focused myself on the drawer and glanced over a pale white picture frame that has a photo of us together. Mom and Dad were happily hugging me between them.

“You’re not leaving this house, not until I tell you so.” Her voice cracked but full of authority.

I bit my lower lip. Taking a deep breath, I loosened my hold on her arm.

“It’s my choice and no one can change it not even you.” I said coldly.

“Amber…please don’t do this. I’ve been busy with the Orphanage and your brother is getting here next week.” She said exhaustedly.

I scoffed and crossed my arms. “He’s not my brother. And, I wouldn’t want to have a sibling right now. Do you think that having him in our lives will bring things back again just like before? Dad had already left and I don’t want someone to interfere with my life this time, not even that child. Not even you.” I glared at her.

“What’s…happening to you?”

She couldn’t believe what I just told her. But this is me. Amber Kate Madison, the girl who just wants to change her life and forget about the past.

Anger suddenly rushed through me, like scampering steps. I made a frantic laugh catching her off guard. Toby entered my room, waggling his tail, without knowing what really is happening. Should I tell the dog rather? He plopped his round belly on the floor just beside my bed and stared at us. I smiled at him, wishing that I could bring him along with me. But from the start, I knew that it was impossible. I still need to search for a place to stay, preferably away from here.

"You're really asking that question, Mom? Even from Dad's last days, he kept mentioning your name, trying to find your presence...until he closed his eyes. But...you weren't there, even just to say goodbye to him for the last time. He waited for you, but you left him with...false hope...that you'll be by his side."

My tears fell on my cheeks. I didn't care to wipe it off. I just let them ran down my face, for her to see my sadness and anger.

"A-Amber..." She tried to lay her hands around me, but I stepped myself back.

I wiped my tears off forcefully and this time I looked at her with coldness. I passed her and grabbed my clothes back inside my luggage.

"You don't have to worry about me this time. I can take care of myself." I said.

She sobbed and held me by the shoulders "Amber, please don't go."

I closed my eyes and took a fine, subtle sigh. I faced her.

"From now on, you don't...have to act like a mother to me."

And it was then I left our house, Toby, my Mom for good. And it hurts just like when he left us.