ONLY EVER MINE

CHAPTER 4

He buried his face further into his arms.

*Not a word,* he told himself. *Not a single word about that.*

Adrian's fingers spread across his shoulders. Wide. Warm. Working outward from his spine with this patience that Kayden hadn't known he possessed and genuinely wished he didn't. His breathing had gone completely off script at this point. He was just lying here making sounds and hoping Adrian was professional enough to ignore them.

Adrian said nothing.

Just kept going.

*He's just doing what you asked,* Kayden told himself firmly. *This is transactional. You asked. He's doing it. It means abso—*

His hands moved lower. The small of his back. Slow and deliberate and Kayden exhaled in a long uncontrolled breath that his cheeks went red immediately thanks to the dim lights he managed to convince himself that he was just got.

" Yes, hot and bothered for the straight faced Adrian" his inner voice answered for him

"Adrian."

It just came out. Quiet and low and definitely not how he meant it.

Adrian's hands paused.

One second.

Just one.

Then kept going like it didn't happen.

And that one second did something to Kayden's chest that he was absolutely not qualified to examine right now or possibly ever.

He turned his face into his arms and focused very hard on not being a person for a moment.

His heart was being ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. He's known Adrian since they were four years old and his hands are just hands and this is just a massage and—

Adrian's thumb found a knot just above his hip and pressed in firmly.

"Uhmmmmm" Kayden moaned a soud that was both embarrassing for both of them

The hands stopped.

Complete stillness.

The room went very quiet.

"Done," Adrian said hastily.

His voice came out slightly different. Just slightly. Controlled in the way something was controlled when it was working very hard at it.

The mattress lifted.

Footsteps.

Bathroom door.

Click.

Kayden lay there face down in the silence.

His heart was loud. Embarrassingly loud.

He didn't move for a long time.

---

**ADRIAN'S POV**

I was standing at the bathroom sink with the cold tap running and I was not thinking about anything.

I was specifically and deliberately not thinking about the sound the moan that kept it self on repeat.

The first one had been — it had caught me off guard. That's all. Kayden makes sounds all the time, he's a loud person, it's his defining characteristic, it means absolutely nothing that this particular sound went through me like — it means nothing. I ran my hands under the cold tap.

The last one though my mind played back to it and little Adrian chose that time to stand again .

I turned the tap colder.

Right. Okay. I'm fine. This is fine. I gave a massage as agreed under the terms of a bet I made with my own mouth. Bodies respond to pressure. That's anatomy. That's completely standard and it has nothing to do with anything.

I stood there until I believed that.

Eight minutes.

Then I turned the tap off and went back into the room.

He was asleep.

Face down. One arm hanging off the bed. Mouth slightly open. Out completely the way he always went — like a switch. No in between with him ever. His back rose and fell slowly.

I went to my bed.

Sat down.

Picked up my book.

Read the same line four times.

Put it down.

Went back over there. Picked up his hanging arm and settled it back on the mattress. Pulled the blanket over his shoulders. He made a small sound and shifted toward the warmth my mind went blank again.

I stepped back.

Stood there.

I don't know what I was waiting for. He was asleep. He wasn't going to say anything. Nobody was going to say anything. I was just standing next to his bed at eleven at night like a completely normal person.

I lay down behind him.

There was space between us. Reasonable space. I stared at the ceiling and it was fine. This was fine. I was just tired and the other bed was far and I was already here.

My arm went around him.

He didn't wake up. Just made that sound — the quiet one — and settled back against my chest like that's where he was supposed to be.

I stared at the wall.

This is nothing, I told myself.

My arm tightened.

Nothing.

His heartbeat was slow and steady against my arm and the room was warm and I was going to stop arguing with myself about this now.

I closed my eyes buried my nose into his hair taking greedy sniff as I willed my self to sleep.

---