Of Fire and Fury (Book 1: Light-Born Series)

Chapter 22 - Rabid

Rabid watched Stone go, half walking half jogging to get away from her as quickly as possible. Her eyes trailed him until he disappeared into the trees. She stood for a long time staring after him, unsure of what to do, and suddenly found herself missing her mother. Though her mother couldn’t understand her, or what she was feelings, she would know what to say—how to navigate this. Rabid wanted to crawl into bed with her and her father and be surrounded be love.

Instead, she felt surrounded by Stone: his people, his teepee, his absence hanging thick in the air. Him, running from her, and her standing like one of those frail women whose husbands had left them. She could see them now, always living on the edge of Napuahom. They were always told they were accepted, of course. But just like the words they gave to Rabid, it was all for show. No Napua woman hung around with the pathetic, the different, the outcast. The thought of joining their ranks in Omarihom made Rabid’s blood boil.

Stone was all she had. If she lost him, she would have nothing. This thought alone felt crippling. Hot tears began to pour from her eyes as she stepped back inside the teepee. She slipped off her day clothes and slid under the warm skins of their bed. She covered herself completely, as if the skins could protect her from the outside world. She closed her eyes, but sleep didn’t follow. Even as the firelight burned down, she sat alone and wide awake, feeling the new trembling under her skin that had started at Salma Veth, and listened for the sound of Stone coming home.

When the night was almost over, she heard him step through the teepee skins. Rabid’s body tightened, but she did not move. Instead, she listened intently as he mulled about the teepee. Unable to stand the silence any longer, Rabid sat up. In the dark, she could see his large form sitting on the floor next to the dead fire. 

“Where did you go?” Rabid asked softly. 

“To think.” his voice came from the dark before her. She nodded, forgetting he couldn’t see it, and didn’t answer.

“Rabid, I don’t know what you’re thinking, if you want to say something you have to tell me.” he said, his voice was low and quiet. Rabid’s cheeks began to burn, and she was thankful for the darkness around them to hide her embarrassment. 

“I don’t know.” Rabid murmured. Her mind was a messy tangle of guilt and pain and fear, all welling up at once. 

“Honesty?” Stone said softly. Rabid sighed, taking a long moment to gather her thoughts.

“I’m angry.” Rabid said, as it was the only feeling she could understand with certainty. 

“Why?” Stone asked.

“What is the point of this?” Rabid asked. “My father gave me away, my tribe was destroyed, I have no one who cares for me, Stone. I thought I was alone before, but now I would give anything to have that life back, to not have to kill young boys in the forest.”

“You want that? To go back to your old life?” Stone asked. Something in his voice made Rabid feel fresh guilt, though she didn’t know why. She intertwined her fingers in her hands and couldn’t think of a response.

“I’m sorry you feel that way.” he said, his voice the familiar calm and collected, devoid of any emotion. “But there is nothing to go back to.”

“I didn’t mean that.” Rabid said, sighing heavily. I just don’t want to be so alone, she finished the thought in her head. There was no point in telling Stone that, he wouldn’t care. Yet, something in her begged her to tell him. Something in her had changed since Salma Veth. It had dampened her reserved nature, made her bolder, even dampened her pride. 

It was a long time before Stone responded. Finally, he stood and sat in front of her on the bed. Rabid could just see the outline of his body, looking away from her toward the door.

“You can be angry at me. You have every right to be. But what you are learning from me is to protect you.” he said quietly.

“I’m not angry at you.” Rabid said, honestly. 

“Then who are you angry at?” he asked, his voice had softened even more and it encouraged Rabid to continue.

“My parents.” she answered, the feeling of a lightning bolt seeming to strike her as she said it. She realized, now, that she had been holding on to her rage, nursing it like a tiny animal, allowing it to grow. If she let go, then what would she have? She didn’t have Stone, not really. She had no family. She wanted her hurt—it was all she had left.

“Rabid…” Stone said softly, finally looking in her direction. She couldn’t see his eyes in the dark, but she could feel them on her.

“I never belonged with my tribe, I know that. But when they gave me to you…” she started, her voice caught in her throat. Rabid could feel the words sinking down into her soul, her bones aching with the truth of them. “My father gave me away like I meant nothing to them. Now, I really am nothing. Not Napua, not Omari. You are taking everything I know and forcing me to throw it away and I don’t know how to become who you want me to be.”

“You are not nothing.” Stone said, his voice suddenly fierce. His hand fumbled around in the dark until he found hers, then he pulled her to him. Her face pressed against his chest as he wrapped his huge arms around her, comforting her as she shook with tears.

“I only want to protect you.” he said. “I will not always be with you. What if I’m hunting, or you’re alone in the forest? If you couldn’t fight them what would you do?”

“I know.” Rabid mumbled into his shirt. Rabid could taste her tears in her mouth. Her nose was filled with the musky scent of his skin. She savored the feeling more than expected, pressed together like they were one body. After several long moments, her tears had run dry. Stone pulled away.

“Rabid, you don’t know what they would do to you if you couldn’t kill them.” Stone said, his voice was no longer calm and emotionless.

“I do.” Rabid nodded, but she saw Stone shake his head.

“Do you wonder why I haven’t lain with you?” he asked suddenly. Rabid was taken aback, her cheeks suddenly burning with embarrassment, but she answered anyway.

“I thought you were lying when you said that.” she said quietly. He pulled away, and she could feel his disgust like a chill in the air, even in the dark.

“I wasn’t lying.” he spoke slowly, as though the words physically hurt him to speak. “I had a sister, her name was Alea. Just like you, nine winters ago, the Hauk’s came for our women. I was here, but our men were out hunting. So I fought them, but I was young then, and weak. I wasn’t strong enough.” he shook his head, as though trying to shake the shame of his own inadequacy.

“The men wanted to teach me a lesson about fighting back, so they tied me to a post outside my teepee. They took her inside and… and had their way with her.”

Rabid’s breathing had quickened as he spoke. She sat frozen, their shared memories floating around them like ghosts. She stared at Stone’s tightened body, his shaking head. The thrumming under her skin seemed to amplify her hurt for him.

“I’m so sorry, Stone.” she whispered, placing her hand on his arm.

“I could hear everything from right outside.” he continued as though he hadn’t heard her. “And when they were done, they said she wasn’t worth taking with them anymore. So they left us both there.”

Stone blew out an angry breath in memory of his own failure. Rabid was stunned into silence, the images of such terror playing in her mind. After a long moment, she realized she had never met a woman named Alea.

“What happened to her?” Rabid asked tentatively.

“They took something from her that day, and she never recovered. She went home and then never left the teepee again. We tried to distract her, to bring back her joy, but it was like a dark spirit had come over her and stolen her away. It was a relief when she finally fell asleep and didn’t open her eyes again.”

Despite the pain she could hear in his words, Stone’s voice remained steady. Rabid inhaled shakily, remembering her own time in Red Moon’s teepee with a sudden pang of guilt. She understood now, more of Stone than she had before. She remembered his mat on the ground, where he had slept beside her rather than go to his own bed, why he refused to leave her there in her own grief.

“You thought that would happen to me, too, didn’t you?” Rabid asked. Stone sighed and placed his hand over hers.

“That is why I will never take what you do not give.” Stone said levelly. “And it is why you must know who it is you are fighting.”

“Stone, I…” Rabid started but Stone cut her off.

“You are not a child, anymore, Rabid. They only take the unmarried women. They would not carry you off to some unknown lands. If they come for you, they would do what they did to Alea. I gave you an out. I told you, it is all or nothing. Now that you’ve chosen, if you don’t follow through I cannot stand beside you. I am not strong enough to watch that happen again.”

“I’m so sorry, Stone. I didn’t understand.” Rabid said. His words had hit her like an arrow to the stomach. She had been selfish, juvenile. He was right: she had chosen this. She couldn’t back out just because it conflicted with her Napua upbringing.

“I don’t want you to lose yourself, Rabid, but I need you to stay safe.” he said. “This is the only way I know how to protect you.”

“I know.” Rabid said, her stomach thick with knots. “I know.”

They sat in the silence for a long time, both stuck in memories of the pain caused by their shared enemies.

“I’m sorry, too.” Stone said finally.

“For what?” Rabid said. 

“I do not know how to care for people without it feeling like it’s ripping me apart.” he said softly. “And I… I don’t know how to handle it.”

“It’s okay.” Rabid whispered, rubbing his hand with hers.

“No, it’s not.” His eyes flashed in the dark as he looked up at her. “You are so much more than nothing. I’m so sorry I made you feel that you weren’t.”

Rabid felt a flicker of fire burst to life inside of her, and once again found herself thankful for the darkness that hid the embarrassment on her cheeks.

“So you do feel things, huh?” Rabid said, grinning slightly to herself in the dark as she tried to make light of his words.

“You are very important to me.” Stone agreed quietly.

“You’re important to me, too, Stone.” Rabid said. A yawn escaped her lips just as she said it, and a wave a fatigue took over. She realized suddenly that the darkness had become a little lighter, as the sun was beginning to near the horizon.

“We should get some rest.” Stone said. Rabid nodded and tugged on his arm slightly as she snuggled under the blankets. He slipped off his shirt and slid in beside her. This time, Rabid couldn’t keep herself from wrapping her arms around his body and laying her head on his chest. He stiffened slightly at her touch, but then pulled her closer.

“Thank you for telling me.” Rabid said as she yawned again. She didn’t hear if he responded, as the feeling of his heartbeat against her ear lulled her quickly to sleep.