“You are a disgrace to this family!” My mom yelled at me, yanking my hair, sending my poor body to the ground.
“Mom, stop,” I begged her, bawling my eyes out as she kicked my body repeatedly.
“You are such a w***e! Just like your mother!” She continued, tugging my hair before slapping my face so hard I easily tasted the metallic tang of my blood.
“You already tainted this family’s name when you arrived, and now? You better have that bastard aborted, or I will kick you out of the house!”
“No, I can’t,”
“Yes, you can!”
“Not my baby…no….” I pleaded, looking at her.
“Yes! Bring her inside her room!” Mom shouted at me again, her gaze shifting to my brothers. They gave her a nod and peered at me before grabbing me off the ground.
“Thomas… no… you’re not doing this to me. Help me, please.” I begged my brother Thomas. I couldn’t believe he was following mom’s order, “Justin…no…please….” I held Justin’s hand. Their eyes were blank and dark as they dragged me to the room and slammed my aching body on the bed.
It was getting cold, and I could hear the rolling thunder outside the window. The sky was dim, screaming heavy rain and promising bad weather. I looked at my brothers once more. They heartlessly chained my hands on the bedpost.
The next thing I knew, my mom came in with a man wearing white. Standing at my foot end, he asked my brothers to hold my legs wide. They brusquely did then he pulled out a tool, and I started screaming.
“No! No! No!”
“Hey, young lady! Wake up!” I felt a nudge on my arm. Slowly flickering my eyes, I saw an old lady in her tattered clothes scowling at me. Poking my arm with a stick, “That’s my spot! Move!” she hissed.
It took a while before I finally got my senses back. “Y…yes… I’m sorry….” I apologized, slowly getting up from the hard cold bench. “I didn’t know,” I croaked, gathering my small backpack while wiping the tears with the back of my hand.
“Good! You must be new here.”
“I am….” I looked up in the dark sky as I sniffled. It was only a dream. Though half of it really happened, I’m glad that Thomas and Justin didn’t hurt me.
“You were crying,” Chimed the old lady once more, taking my senses back.
“Yes, it’s fine,” I lied to her before opening my bag to check any messages from Sophie. My eyes saucered wide when I didn’t see it. “My phone…” I looked at the lady sitting beside me.
“My phone… shit….” I cursed, rummaging in the bag. I couldn’t find it and started to panic.
“A homeless person with a phone,” The old lady mocked me.
“Hey! Did you take it?!”
I jolted up and tried to take the bag she was holding. “No! You took it!” I accused her. I knew it was only her since I remember clutching it inside my sweatshirt’s pocket.
The lady slapped my hands, “No! I am not a thief!” she yelled, “I may be homeless, but I am not a thief!” she added, hiding her bag from me.
My legs buckled, sending my knees to the ground. I started crying once more. I lost my phone. The only way I could use to communicate with Sophie.
“Go away and find shelter, lady!” The woman shouted at me.
I looked at her, feeling helpless. The sky was darkening, and a chilly breeze began to surround my body. This is my second day in South Philadelphia, an unknown neighboring city with many homeless and drug addicts. I had no idea why I was here, but the bus driver dropped me off after finding out I had run away from my city.
I used to reside in a wealthy suburban town in Pittsburg near the border of Philly, but my mom kicked me out. No, scratch that. After finding out that she and my sister-in-law planned to hurt me, I left our house. They tried to lace my food with medicine so I would abort my babies.
“Are you dumb?!” The lady yelled at me once more, “Go find a roof over your head! It’s raining!” she added. I noticed she was already wearing her raincoat, and the rain started to drizzle above me.
I didn’t bother to move. Instead, I glanced at her and nodded. “Yes…” I replied. My tears were now flowing with the rain falling from the sky. I am dumb. An i***t. A gullible person who believed that fairytales exist. That a Prince Charming was there to save me.
“You are stupid!”
“I am,” I said with a smile to the lady as I knelt on the muddy, damp roadway. The rain was heavy so was my heart. Bit by bit, reality embraced me. Two days ago, I thought I was finally protected. Someone offered me a safe place, but not until Kyle booted me out once more.
Kyle. Skylar Amaris Owens, but everyone called him Kyle Owens. I never knew about him until it was too late. I was careless. I was a fool to think he would love, protect and save me. I thought we would last forever. Well, we only lasted for six months.
He only used me. And the worst. He ruined my life and future for a mistake I never knew had happened. I was oblivious to what was happening around me because I was too busy fulfilling my life and destiny.
I recently graduated from high school. Though I was a bit late, I was proud that I completed it. A great future was waiting for me in New Jersey until I met Kyle.
“Are you drunk, lady?!” The woman in front of me asked again.
“I wish I was,” I replied.
I wish I were, but I couldn’t. I wanted to drink all the alcohol and available medicine to soothe my aching feelings, but I couldn’t. Two beating hearts were living inside me.
Kyle didn’t know about them. I was supposed to surprise him, but the bombshell he dropped right before my eyes appalled me. It was too much that I was able to handle until we met for the second time.
He pushed me away. He called me names. And the most painful one was when he insulted my family and me. The family I never felt, albeit I lived with.
His action was the last straw, but I kept holding on by keeping my sanity intact. Sophie was my only hope, but now that I had lost the only way I could use to leave this shithole, I guess it was time to give up now.
Helpless, hopeless, and homeless. This was me at nineteen.
I inhaled deeply before standing up. Looking at the lady in front of me, “Just in case Sophie calls me. Please tell her that I am really sorry….and I love her,” I smilingly told her before turning my back and walking away.
I kept walking and walking until my legs felt hefty with every step. The rain seemed forever and nonstop. I didn’t know where I was heading, but I marched wherever my legs led me. Somehow, I was happy I didn’t feel nauseous. I was hungry, but I had no appetite to eat.
I put my hands inside my jeans pockets and sighed in relief as I felt my money. My final twenty bucks were safe. I could still use it to buy something. Inhaling deeply, I ceased walking and stood on the side of the road. A corner store stood across the street from me.
Walking inside, I headed straight to the stationary corner. I took a notebook, pen and plastic envelopes. After getting what I needed, I went to the cashier to pay for my stuff.
“Please add this,”
“Here,” I said, almost bumping myself into a man, “Oops.” I saw a hand holding a box of XL size condom.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized in his deep baritone voice.
Slowly looking up, I found my neck stretching and bending to see his tall figure. A handsome black-haired guy with bright hazel eyes was staring at me, smiling. “It’s okay….” I mumbled. I would say he looked familiar. It was as if I had known him but not in movies, perhaps in photos.
“Ladies first,” he said.
“No, it’s... it’s fine… I didn’t notice you….”
“It’s okay… go ahead,” he smiled at me.
I gave up and looked at the cashier and gave her my stash. “Here,” the lady punched the items.
“Five dollars, miss.”
I nodded and fished out the money from my pocket. It wasn’t the twenty dollars I was expecting to see, to my surprise. “F*ck,” I cussed, staring at the one dollar in my hand. I instantly realized that I had purchased meals and supplements the day before.
“Is there anything wrong?” The handsome man asked me.
I shook my head and smiled at the cashier. “Can you just spare me a piece of paper and let me use your pen?” I politely asked her. I only needed some words to put on the paper.
The cashier frowned at me and seemed not to agree with what I requested. The way I looked and probably smelled made her distrust me for even lending her precious pen.
“I’ll pay for that,” the tall man offered.
I looked at him and smiled. “I actually needed one piece….” I mumbled, ‘to say sorry and goodbye to this cruel world….’ I inwardly added.
Mr. Bright hazel eyes' scowled at me, “Elisha…” he murmured,
I was dumbfounded after hearing him calling my name. “How?” his eyes squinting as if trying to know who I was. I wish he wouldn't find out though I wasn't a big name here in Pennsylvania.
“Here,” he answered, pointing at the name engraved in front of my backpack. I was wearing it the other way around, so he saw and read it. It was an old bag with my name and the flag of France. Thomas gifted it to me two years ago.
“Okay,” I nodded, “Yes. Please, I needed this,” I shamelessly accepted his offer. I couldn’t care less now.
“Sure! Thank you so much!” I happily said before leaving the store. It was still drizzling outside, but I found an open McDonald’s nearby. My strides were long as I walked toward the store. I could at least buy myself one last cup of coffee with my last dollar.
I went to the cashier and ordered what I needed. The coffee was one dollar and fifty. Fortunately, I found some loose coins inside my bag. “Forgive mommy, my love….” I apologized. “Just a sip,” I said before finding a seat to do my one last thing.
I sat next to the window and took out the stuff I had bought. I began writing my words to people who matter the most to me. I started with Sophie, followed by Thomas and Justin, and then Nana Delia. The latter was an elderly lady who had looked after me since I was fourteen years old when I moved into the Houston home.
I scribbled all the words I wanted to tell them for the next hour. It wasn’t much, but as soon as I wrapped them up, I couldn’t help but feel the heaviness in my heart again.
Judgments began to overwhelm me as I thought about what I was about to do. After putting the papers inside the plastic envelope together with all my credentials at school, I put them inside my bag. I was about to close it when something dropped on the floor. I quickly picked it up, and my eyes gaped wide to see what it was.
It was my babies’ sonogram photos I had taken two weeks ago. I was already at the end of my first trimester. My tummy was already eight weeks when I found out about it.
They were the fruit of our love. So I thought.
I was ecstatic and was so excited to let Kyle know about this. He promised me the world, and I expected him that he would be true to his word.
My eyes warmed again as I started to think about what had happened to us. It was sudden and quick. Sophie said it was too good to be true, but I never listened to her. I was deprived of love all my life, and Kyle’s attention towards me swiftly swept off my feet.
Well, it was real until I saw him having s*x on the very same bed we had shared almost every night since I gave myself to him. I trusted him with all my heart, body, and soul. But all I had in return was pain, loneliness, and a part of him that was about to go with me.
I might be selfish, but I couldn’t bring these two into this world on the street, just like how my mom gave birth to me. My auntie Tasha told me my mom never wanted me but had no choice to keep me. Mom told her my father’s name before she abandoned me, but it took her years to learn about my dad.
When Auntie Tasha found my father, it didn’t take him a while to accept me as he said I was the spitting image of my mom except for the red hair he and I possessed. I had a great time with him and my older brothers, except my so-called mom.
Sadly, he passed away before my eighteenth birthday. The big party he promised me never happened. I was glad that my two brothers made it real though it was just a simple one. Justin and Thomas had a small party for my friends and me. I missed the two, but they were never a fan of their mom like me.
Justin was backpacking, leaving his estranged wife with his mom, and Thomas was in France, taking his Master’s degree in Law.
“It’s time….” I murmured, standing up and taking my stuff with me. The rain had stopped, so I left the restaurant and continued walking until I saw the bridge near the not so busy traffic.
The more steps I take, the heavier my heart gets again. It felt like something was stopping me and pulling me back as if telling me what I was to do was too much. But every time I think about Kyle and his hurtful words towards me, I can’t help but cry and feel the recurring pain in my heart.
“Thank you for keeping my bed warm. I don’t require your assistance any longer. I’ll see you around,”
Those words rang in my head again and again as I walked toward the bridge. Instead of my college application letter, my hand still clutched the ultrasound photo I planned to give him on that day.
Kyle had ruined my life. He took advantage of me. He destroyed my future, spirit, and one and only wish to be loved.
My eyes were blurry, my heart was in pain, and all I could say was sorry to the beating and living hearts inside me. I was young and desperate, believing this was the only way to escape the doom Kyle set in my life.
I sniffled while wiping my tears with the cuff of my sleeve, “Goodbye and I'm sorry,” muttering with a heavy heart before jumping off the bridge.
The first chapter is up! It's hard to find motivation but you guys, my loyal readers, are lifting my hope. let me know your thoughts. Love you all. xx Guess who's Mr. Hazel-eyes? lol