The Fallback (Sample Chapters)

1. Chat

Welcome to A&S Chatroom!

Tatiana: Hello? 

Ashes2Ashes: Hi, Tatiana! I see you got Freya's invite through her email.

Tatiana: I did. Will I now be riddled with worms and viruses since I downloaded some strange app onto my computer? I want to back up any important files before that happens.

Ashes2Ashes: LOL! Not at all! I made the app for a school project. Need the credits to pass. Now you are all my little guinea pigs…

Tatiana: Oh... So where is everyone else? Or am I the only dumb one that downloaded this thing? Should I be expecting the blue screen of death soon?

Ashes2Ashes: They should be along soon. Probably still in class. I never attend classes, so I'm free to do as I please.

Tatiana: Fantastic—I'm stuck in a dubious chatroom with an underachiever tech geek.

Ashes2Ashes: Don't knock it 'til you tried it!

Anyway, tell me about yourself. Tatiana is a Russian name, isn't it? Are you from the country previously dubbed the USSR? And should we call you Tatiana or is Ana okay?

Tatiana: Ana is fine, though my mother would cringe if she heard me say that. My mother is from Russia, father is from Chicago. I was born in Seattle.

Ashes2Ashes: Sweet. My name is Asher, but everyone calls me Ash. Hence the screen name. Incidentally, you should change yours too, Ana.

Ana???

You still there?

Ana: Yeah—is this better?

Ashes2Ashes: Meh...so-so. You should come up with a cool name like I did.

Ana: Ashes2Ashes? I guess the tech geek's definition of cool varies greatly in Colorado.

Ashes2Ashes:

Greyhound: Is this thing f*****g on?

Ana: Anyway, besides school what do you do?

Ashes2Ashes: Grey! Sup, bro?

Greyhound: Nada. Just sitting here in some lame ass chat room from 1995 apparently. ☹

Ana: LOL!

Greyhound: Who's the chick? And why can't we have our own icons—like real ones. I don't wanna hide this pretty face behind a computer screen. I need to share it with the world.

Ashes2Ashes: Working on it, bro. Perfection takes time. This here is Ana.

Greyhound: Hey, babe—ASL?

Ashes2Ashes: Jeez, you don't even know the chick, fool. She could be a hermaphrodite for all you know.

Greyhound: Meh… She'd still have a hole I could f**k.

Ana: Ew…

And I'm not a hermaphrodite. Only the appropriate holes here, tyvm.

Greyhound: So...answer the question. ASL?

Ana: Ugh, fine. 21/female (obviously we've got that cleared up by now—at least hopefully)/Seattle.

Greyhound: Dammit.

Ashes2AShes: Still hoping for that hermaphrodite, huh?

Greyhound: Yeah, no...too far away.

Ana: You all are in Boulder, CO?

Ashes2Ashes: Denver

Ana: Nice.

Greyhound: What do you do?

Ana: Nothing, I'm in school for now. Getting my degree in physical therapy.

Ashes2Ashes: Grey...

Greyhound: I could get physical with you.

AShes2Ashes: I need to make a facepalm emoji for this room ASAP

Ana:

Ashes2Ashes: Don't let Grey scare you, Ana. He's already in love with someone else. He just doesn't know when to turn the flirt off.

Greyhound: f**k off, bro. Don't be spreading s**t.

Ashes2Ashes: What? It's only you, me, and Ana here. Nobody else can see it....yet.

Greyhound: Is there a private message function in here in case I want to sext someone?

Ashes2Ashes: Uhm…next week, bro. I'm fine-tuning. This is chatroom 1.0

Greyhound: Who the f**k talks in chatroom anymore? I'll tell you—old men who want to perv on little boys and girls. This is f*****g weak.

Ana: So, what do you do, Grey?

Greyhound: I study business. Going to open my own chain of gyms.

Ana: Another ruse to bring young women in to flirt and hopefully f**k?

Ashes2Ashes: Hahaha! Busted!

Greyhound: ...

Possibly...

Ashes2Ashes: You're going to fit in just fine here, Ana.

Greyhound: So, is Ana short for something? Anabelle? Anastasia? Or is it just Ana?

Ana: Short for Tatiana.

Greyhound: Hmmm…I don't like it. I'm giving you a new name.

Ana: It's fine, Grey.

Greyhound: Hold on...still thinking

Ashes2AShes: BRB, gotta drain the lizard

Greyhound: TMI dude. Just admit you're actually pinching a loaf or manhandling yourself.

Ana: Wow

So...your name is Grey, or is it short for something as well?

Greyhound: Greyson—but don't call me that. I f*****g hate my full name. I sound like some English p***y who drinks tea and talks about cricket or whatever. Like that s**t's a real man's sport.

Ana: And what is a real man's sport? Football?

Greyhound: Hell yeah! Or ice hockey. Anything where severe bodily injury is a daily possibility. What's the worst that could happen in cricket? The wide end of that bat thing gets shoved up your ass?

Ana: I think it's called the blade.

Greyhound: Semantics, baby. That games for p*****s.

Ana: Right.

Greyhound: So...what do you look like, Tati? Pics are appreciated—bikini or less gets you a photo of my d**k.

Ana: Oh, brother. So...who are you in love with?

Greyhound: Nuh-huh—this is about you. So...photo?

Ana: You remember Carmen Elektra?

Greyhound: Yeah? ❤

Ana: Yeah…nothing like her.

Greyhound: You're no f*****g fun.

Ana: I have my moments.

Greyhound: So, if you did look like a celebrity—who would it be?

Ana: Dudley Moore

Greyhound: Isn't that a dude?

Ana: Hey—you were the one looking for some hermaphrodite loving.

Greyhound: I'll tell you who I'm in love with next week if you send me a photo today.

Ana: Nope. First of all, I’m not sure I care enough to know, and second, I don't have any photos of myself half-naked.

Not that I would share them with you at any rate.

Greyhound: It can be a clothed photo.

Ana: Hmmm...maybe then.

Ashes2Ashes: If you send him that photo, I'm sure he'll just use it to jack off to.

Greyhound: The fuck...

Ana: It doesn't have to be my photo. I could send him any random photo and claim it's me.

Ashes2Ashes: Ah, true...

Greyhound: Only Freya would be able to tell me whether or not it was you or not.

Ana: You're not helping your cause. Ash...who's loverboy head over heels for? The fucker won't tell me.

Greyhound: Don't you dare! You know I can beat your ass so that even your own mama won't recognize your dead body in the morgue.

Ashes2Ashes: Sorry, Ana. The man will do it, and this face is too pretty to ruin on account of your curiosity.

Greyhound: Hell yeah...well, except for the bit about your pretty face. You look like a frog that got its face smashed in by the flat end of one of those cricket bats.

Ana: Blade

Greyhound: Whatever, baby

Ana: Ugh…

Ashes2Ashes: Should I leave you two alone in here to flirt, or will Grey need to use his spank bank fodder of “she who shall not be named” again this evening?

Ana: Don't leave me here with him!!!

Greyhound: Ouch…

Ana: Sorry not sorry

Kaybae: Hey, baby!

Ashes2Ashes: Hey, baby. Ana, this is Kaylie, my girl.

Ana: Omg. A tech geek with a girlfriend...alert the presses!

Greyhound: Ha ha, turd!

Ashes2Ashes: And all this time I thought we were friends.

Ana: You wouldn't spill the beans, so all bets are off.

Ashes2Ashes: Can’t f*****g win.

Anyway, Kaylie, this is Tatiana or Ana. She's friends with Freya.

Greyhound: Her name's Tati. I thus proclaim it, and so it shall be.

Ashes2Ashes: Insert that non-existent eye roll emoji right…

Here.

Kaybae: Hey, Ana! Freya mentioned meeting you at the convention this past winter! Nice to meet you!

What didn't you spill, hon?

Greyhound: Shut it, Ash.

Ashes2Ashes: Who Grey's been in love with for like a year.

Ooops!

Kaybae: Oh, that's an easy one.

Ana: Yeah?

Greyhound: Kaylie, I'm not afraid to hit a woman…

Kaybae: Bullshit. You wouldn't hit me if your life depended on it. I'm adorable.

Ana...Grey may act like a tough asshole, but he's a warm cuddly teddy bear inside.

Ana: A horny teddy bear maybe...

Kaybae: It's an act. He flirts with anything with a v****a, but it’s all about Freya for him.

Greyhound: f**k, Kay. What the hell?

Kaybae: We all know it... I think Freya even does, but she's too busy hopping from one d**k to the next to notice you.

Ana: s**t got awkward all of the sudden.

So...Freya. She's gorgeous. I don't blame you. If I swung for that team I'd be on her.

Greyhound: I hate you all.

Ana: What? I would.

So, are you all friends living in Boulder?

Ashes2Ashes: Denver

Ana: Oh yeah—right.

Kaybae: Yeah, we've all known each other for years. You're the only newb around here. We should all share pics!

Greyhound: An outstanding idea!

Ana: I decline.

Kaybae: What? Why?

Ashes2Ashes: Grey's already tried to get her to give him a bikini pic... Or a nude

Kaybae: Dude...

Greyhound: What? She could be hot! I'm single...wait, are you single, Tati?

Kaybae: Tati?

Ashes2Ashes: Grey had to be different and call her his own little pet name.

Kaybae: Typical…

Ana: I'm single and soooo not ready to mingle!

Greyhound: Why?

Ana: Well, for starters, my asshole ex slept with a friend of mine, so men suck in general right now. Plus—why would it matter if I was or wasn't? I don't know you, and you're way too far away at any rate. Or you could have two heads for all I know.

Greyhound: Oh baby, I do have two heads. Wanna see?

Ana: God no!

Ashes2Ashes: d**k-on-a-stick here is gonna scare the fresh fish off before he even gets her to bite.

Kaybae: Grey get your head out of your ass.

Greyhound: f**k, this place is lame. No damned way there isn't some option to share a photo up in here.

Ashes2Ashes: Uhm, yeah—I'll get on that “d**k pic photo share option” right away. 

Greyhound: What's your full name, Tati?

Ana: ...why?

Greyhound: Just curious

Ana: Ugh. Tatiana Wheeler

Greyhound: Excellent, Tatiana Wheeler. f******k here I come.

Ashes2Ashes: I thought you got rid of f******k after that stalker last year.

Greyhound: I'm going incognito. Fake profile.

Ana: And I'm making my profile private as we speak.

Kaybae: Why you so interested in getting into Ana's pants? Freya not bossing you around as much as you like anymore?

Ana: ?

Greyhound: Shut it, Kay. And it's Tati. Leave me alone...I'm Facebooking or whatever.

Ana: No, you're not.

Greyhound: Ooooh, Tati...brunette living in Seattle, Washington? wavy hair...Are those hazel or green eyes you got, baby girl?

Ana: Hazel

No—wait!

FML

Greyhound: Nice bod, baby. Care to let me take it for a test drive?

Ana:

Kaybae: Grey, send me the link in here. I wanna see what she looks like.

Greyhound: Back off, Kay.

Ashes2Ashes: Oooooh, I see her! Very, very nice.

Kay: Ash...

Ashes2Ashes: I mean not as good as my girl, but definitely hot.

Kay: I'm so out of here.

Ana: Bye?

Ashes2Ashes: I think I have a situation to address now. Bye, guys.

Greyhound: Babe, you still there?

Ana: Would it matter if I said no?

Greyhound: Give me your digits…

Ana: Do you ever ask, or does demanding everything actually work for you?

Greyhound: With a face and body like mine, I don't have to demand. Chicks come freely. Ten extra inches below the belt doesn't hurt either

Digits...please.

Ana: Ten??? TMI, dude—seriously!

Greyhound: Come on, I said please.

Ana: ...why?

Greyhound: So we can talk.

Ana: Isn't that what we're doing now?

Greyhound: Tati...

Ana: Greyson...

Greyhound: Seriously, you asked about Freya, but do you really want to know?

Ana: Well, sort of, but not if it comes with you hitting on me every other sentence. I mean honestly, why do it if you're madly in love with one of your friends?

Greyhound: It's a good way to blow off some steam, especially with a beautiful woman.

Ana: If I give them to you, do you promise to keep the flirting to a minimum?

Greyhound: I promise to do my best. It's the best I can do. Flirting is like the art of laying pipe. I've mastered it.

Ana: You aren't helping your cause.

Greyhound: Please?

Ana: Fine, but if I hear any heavy breathing, I'm hanging up the phone and blocking your number.

Greyhound: I'm ready for you to give it to me.

The number that is…

Ana: I'm going to regret this, aren't I?

Greyhound: I'm a catch, baby. No one's ever regretted knowing me.

Ana: In the literal or biblical sense?

Greyhound: Both, baby—both.