Hearts on Ice

All over again.

The morning light came in slowly. Soft at first, slipping through the curtains like it didn’t want to disturb anything, then gradually filling the room until everything was visible again.

Lukas was already awake. He didn’t know when he woke up exactly or if he even slept properly. All he knew was that he’d been lying there for a while… staring at him.

Viktor was still asleep beside him, half-turned, one arm resting loosely across the bed, his breathing slow and steady and he looked… calm. Like nothing had happened last night, like last night hadn’t gone too far, like Lukas hadn’t ignored his begging.

He looked away.

Running a hand over his face through his hair, Lukas exhaled quietly, sitting up slightly. His body felt heavy, not from exhaustion, but from the weight of his actions. For a moment, he just stayed there, elbows resting on his knees, staring at nothing in particular.

Then he heard a small movement behind him.

“…you’ve been staring for how long?”

Lukas didn’t turn immediately.

“Long enough,” he replied.

Viktor shifted slightly, wincing before letting out a quiet breath. “That doesn’t sound quite normal.”

“It isn’t.”

That made Viktor huff softly, blinking his eyes open as he adjusted against the pillow. There was a slight pause, then.

“…did you even sleep at all?”

“Yeah.”

It came too quickly and Viktor didn’t believe a bit of it.

“Liar. I don't believe you.”

Lukas shrugged slightly. “I didn’t ask you to.”

Viktor rolled his eyes, but there was no real energy behind it. He stayed quiet for a second, just looking at him now…really looking and something about that made Lukas uncomfortable. He covered up his bare chest.

“Stop staring,” Lukas muttered.

“You started it.”

“I wasn’t staring.”

“You just said you were.”

Lukas clicked his tongue softly. “You talk too much in the morning. Aren't you still trying to understand your environment?”

“And you’re worse.”

That almost sounded normal…but it wasn't but the silence that followed wasn’t. It stretched a little too long and felt a little too heavy.

Viktor shifted again, pushing himself up slowly this time, his movements more careful, trying to hide the pain. He didn’t say anything immediately, just reached for his shirt, pulling it closer. It was very peaceful, until.

“You’re not going to do that thing again, right?” Viktor asked.

Lukas frowned slightly. “What thing?”

“That thing where you act as if nothing happened.” he exhaled. “I f****d up before…I shouldn't have asked us to act as if nothing happened but I'm not asking that now…”

Ah! That…Lukas didn’t answer immediately. Instead, he stood up, grabbing his clothes from the floor, shaking them out like that was more important than the question.

“We have training today,” he said.

Viktor let out a quiet breath again.

“That’s not what I asked.”

Lukas didn’t look at him or respond and that…that was his answer. Viktor’s jaw tightened slightly, but he didn’t raise his voice and he didn’t snap. He just watched him for a second before speaking again, quieter this time.

“You always do that.”

Lukas paused.

“What?”

“You act like it doesn’t matter,” Viktor said. “Even when it clearly does.”

Lukas turned then, finally meeting his eyes.

“And you act as everything does,” he replied. “Even when it shouldn’t.”

There was no anger in his tone…just distance and somehow, that felt worse. Neither of them spoke after that…they just moved around the room, getting dressed, avoiding looking at each other for too long. Now and then, they’d brush past…an arm, a shoulder but neither acknowledged it.

As though they were pretending not to notice each other…as though pretending would make it easier but by the time Viktor finished dressing, the room felt different. Colder and quieter.

He grabbed his jacket, hesitating for just a second before turning toward the door, then he stopped.

“…we’re not just ignoring this, right?” he asked.

Lukas didn’t answer. He was fixing his sleeve, eyes focused on something that didn’t matter and Viktor watched him. He waited and got nothing.

“…right,” he muttered under his breath.

He moved closer anyway…just for a second. Reaching up, he adjusted Lukas’s collar slightly, fingers brushing against his neck in a way that wasn’t necessary and Lukas didn’t stop him. He didn’t move or react but he didn’t pull away either.

Viktor stepped back and laughed.

“My place next time,” he said lightly, like he was trying to bring back something that had already slipped.

Lukas glanced at him briefly.

“We’ll see.”

It wasn’t a yes but it wasn’t a no either. Viktor gave a small nod then he turned and left. The door clicked shut and just like that…the room felt empty again. Lukas stood there for a moment.

Then slowly, he exhaled. Like he’d been holding it in the entire time. He ran a hand through his hair, glancing toward the door before looking away again.

“…damn it.”

He paced around the room, sweat dripping down his head. He didn't know how to walk into the school halls, how he'd maintain his cool or see him and say hi. How he'd go on with training, how he'd kiss him and act like he wasn't dying slowly…he was caught in a dilemma until.

“f**k it” he walked out, leaving his doubts locked in the room.