What happens when you grow up

Chapter 13

Present day...

Tigerlily made her way to the Armageddon—scratch that, the Tigerlily, she corrected herself with a smile. She didn't see James and he didn't pop his head over when she called, but that could have just meant he was working deep in the ship's hull, or in one of the many staterooms. She would just have to find him.

She climbed up the gangplank and started walking across the deck, trying to decide where to look for James first. He had shown her most of the ship, though she couldn't possibly remember every area. And she hadn't seen some areas yet, since James hadn't deemed them complete enough to show them off.

She decided to look there first, figuring James might still be working on them. She climbed the steps to the helm, striding past it to push open the door of the captain's quarters. The room wasn't quite finished, but close, and Tigerlily was impressed with how elegant James had managed to make it. She hadn't realized what a natural eye for beauty he had, and it touched her. He must have collected pieces from the wrecks that sometimes dotted the shore and from the casualties of that last spectacular air battle with Blackbeard.

Tigerlily wandered through the office, taking in the richly polished desk, the lush carpets and the glittering chandelier. How had James ever managed to do this? The shelves were filled with books, and she reached out and pulled one out, relishing the feel of the plush leather in her hands. Even the pages were embossed with gold edges. She opened it up, breathing in the crisp scent of fresh pages, and started absentmindedly skimming the first paragraph of text as she continued around the room. There was a door in the corner, and she pushed it open, stepping into the adjourning room without really paying attention. By the time she looked up, she was halfway across the room.

As she suddenly realized where she was, the book fell from her hands and landed with a thud at her feet.

She was standing in the captain's bedroom.

It was as inexpressibly elegant as the study had been. Dark oak paneling and oil canvas paintings covered the walls. A lush green rug covered nearly the entire floor, an intricate garden scene stretched across it. Red velvet curtains hung in front of wide bay windows. But what captured Tigerlily's attention, what froze her in place completely, was tucked into the corner.

The bed.

The massive four-poster bed, with the blue silk curtains draped over the sides and shiny blue satin sheets, with the countless down feather pillows and the ornately carved headboard.

The bed.

The bed.

Instantly, memories invaded her mind. Sinking deep into cold silk sheets, so deep she felt like she was suffocating. Cold satin against her bare skin. The sour taste of wine on her lips. And him… His rough hands on her, ripping at her clothes. His body hot against hers. His voice in her ear.

Hurting her he was hurting her and he was going to hurt her even more, in a new and terrible way, an irreversible way, if she didn't stop him, she had to stop him QUICK she had to stop him oh God she had to stop him before he hurt her before he—

"Tigerlily!"

Dimly, she heard James's voice, but she didn't register his presence until she saw him kneeling before her. It was then she realized that she had crumbled to the floor.

"Tigerlily! Darling!" James reached out, cupping her face with both hands. "What's wrong? Tell me what's wrong!"

For a second, Tigerlily's voice wouldn't function, wouldn't allow her to express the anguish that roiled through her mind. But finally she was able to force out the words. "This room! On Blackbeard's ship, there was this room! And Blackbeard… He tried to… I was on the bed and—he tried… he…"

James enfolded her in his arms, and she sobbed against his neck. He didn't say anything, just stroked her hair and held her. His mere presence soothed her, slowly pushing away the horror and replacing it with a blessed feeling of peace. Finally, the tears trailed off.

Tigerlily pulled herself off James's shoulder, wiping her eyes. "I'm sorry—" she began.

"Don't," James said. His voice was hard, but she realized that the hardness wasn't directed at her, nor was the fury smoldering in his eyes. "Don't you ever apologize. What happened was not your fault. You are not to blame for anything." He stood up, pulling her gently to her feet beside him. "I'll rip out this entire room. We'll never have to see it again. If I have to, I'll burn this ship to the ground, if it will bring you peace."

He grasped her hand, kissing it tenderly, and started to lead her out. But she didn't move.

"No."

Her reaction surprised her nearly as much as it surprised James, but only for a second. She appreciated what James was offering, more than she could ever express, but she wouldn't run away. She knew what she needed to do.

"I won't let him have that control over me," she explained. "Not anymore. He's haunted my memories too long already. And I understand now," she continued, pulling his hand to her breast, "that the only way to push him out is to make new memories."

James took a hesitant breath. "Are you sure about this?"

Glorious love for her husband washed over Tigerlily. "James, make love to me."

James didn't say anything, just nodded, his eyes filling with tender sadness. He approached her slowly, cautiously, taking her face in his hands once more and pressing his lips against hers in a deep kiss. One hand slid down her neck and over her breast. Slowly, he turned her around so that her back was to him, giving him access to the lace bindings of her dress. He tugged at them, loosening her dress enough that he could slip it off her shoulders. It felt to the ground at her feet, leaving her naked before him.

James slid his hands around her waist, pulling her flush against him as he kissed her neck and worked his way down her shoulder and back. One hand trailed back up to her breast, stroking gently, while the other slid down over her belly and between her legs. A familiar heat started to spread out from her core, and she readjusted her stance to give him better access. Smoothly, he slid a finger inside her, and she moaned as he skillfully began to stroke, gently at first but then with increasing urgency. She arched against him as a wave of pleasure began to swell inside her. James dug in deeper, pushing her forward so that she was bent over the bed, the satin pleasantly cold against her n*****s. He slid in another finger, filling her more completely, and she let out a hiss of contentment. James continued to stroke more and more frantically, until the ecstasy building inside her spilled over.

Tigerlily let out a shaky sigh of release as James gently extricated himself from her and rolled her over so that her back was on the covers. She watched lazily as James shrugged off his jacket, but she held out a hand when he started to undo his buttons.

"Let me," she said, sitting up. Slowly, deliberately, she unbuttoned him, tugging the shirt off his broad shoulders, then pulling off his undershirt next. Afterwards, she reached down and unclasped his belt, then unbuttoned his pants, already tight across his front because of his growing need for her. James kicked them off impatiently, revealing just how much he wanted her at that moment as he stood naked before her.

Tigerlily lay back down against the covers, spreading her legs in anticipation. James lowered himself over her tenderly, kissing her with feather-light kisses in all the areas she loved—the hollow of her throat, the back of her ear, her wrist, her breast. He made his way lower, still kissing, still suckling, lower and lower. His tongue glided in and out of her belly button, then lower still, until his mouth hovered over her core. Tigerlily's breath hitched in anticipation, but she cupped his chin and brought his mouth back up to hers, kissing him desperately.

"Take me," she whispered.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, feeling his chest slick against hers, and he slid into her as easily as a key sliding into a lock. She took all of him inside her, wrapping her legs around his hips and pulling his body tightly against her own. He filled her completely, each thrust burying him deeper inside of her, bringing a sharper burst of pleasure to her core. His kisses became more frantic as his breath sped up to match her own gasps of pleasure. Finally, when she felt she could bear the sweet suspense no longer, release flooded through her body, and she screamed James's name as she let go of all control. Dimly, she was aware of James finding his own release inside her moments later.

Afterwards, the two of them lay entwined on the bed, taking comfort from the warmth of each other's bodies. Tigerlily felt more at peace than she had for a long time, and she knew it was simply because she was with James, and that meant things were all right. That deep sense of security gave her the courage to do what she had come to do.

"James," she said, turning over to look him in the eyes, "I have something to tell you."

James graced her with a lazy, deeply contented smile. "Yeah?"

"I'm pregnant."

But his reaction was not what she had hoped for.