What happens when you grow up

Chapter 7

Present day…

When Tigerlily finally left James later that afternoon, the uneasiness still fluttered inside her stomach. She tried to dismiss it, but she couldn't quite make it go away. James had been so flippant about Peter's initiation, and it wasn't the first time he was apathetic about Peter.

Tigerlily understood why James wasn't so interested in the initiation; he had never been one for "superstitious nonsense," as he called it. His practical nature made him much more concerned with this world and this life, not what happened beyond. Tigerlily could respect that, especially since James still lived by the same principles of honesty, loyalty and goodness as her people, even if he didn't use the same words. He just did it. And in a way, his authenticity was refreshing, since Tigerlily knew he was doing good because he was good, not because he was trying to follow a list of rules. Even if he didn't believe in the Happy Hunting Ground, he'd still be there with her someday, since his spirit was good. Besides, he was usually respectful about her people's customs for her sake. He had done everything required of him when asking for her hand in marriage and at the wedding ceremony. She had to smile when she remembered him attempting to fulfill his role at the wedding ceremony.

She was more worried about how James looked at Peter. There was no hiding how Peter looked at James—he idolized him. He followed James around like a puppy. He craved James' approval. He wanted to grow up just like the gruff adventurer. Usually, that was a good thing; James was certainly a good role model in terms of his determination, work ethic, resourcefulness and bravery. It was his rough edges—his impatience, his short temper, his cynicism, his recklessness—that Tigerlily didn't want to see crop up in Peter, who was still so sweet-natured and optimistic about life, despite what he'd been through. Every once in a while, she saw glimpses of James' darker side flash in Peter, and that worried her. She tried to talk to Peter about it, to lead him towards the lighter path, but how could you reason with a 12-year-old who was chasing after an idol who could do no wrong? He would simply tell her what she wanted to hear and then run right back after James.

And James… It was painfully clear to Tigerlily that James did not love Peter as wholeheartedly as Peter loved James. That wasn't to say that James didn't have any feeling for Peter. He certainly cared for the boy, and tried to look out for him. But he also saw Peter as a liability of sorts, an inconvenience that sometimes slowed him down from what he really wanted to do. Peter might look up to James as a father, but James looked at Peter more like an annoying little brother.

Part of it, Tigerlily knew, was because James just didn't like kids. He had confided to her about that early on in their courtship. And that… well, that was something that troubled her too, for an entirely different reason.

The only thing to do, she concluded, was go talk to Thalassa.

Thalassa had been Tigerlily's dearest friend for fifteen years, since the two of them were mere children. It was highly unusual for a tribefolk to interact with a mermaid; the two clans had a respectful but uneasy truce. While Tigerlily's people strove to nurture and protect all living creatures, Merfolk only valued the creatures of the sea. They kept the peace with Tigerlily's people because her tribe also cared for sea creatures, but they hated any other human that dared invade Neverland. There were tales of vengeful mermaids luring sailors and pirates to their doom by hypnotizing them with siren songs and then dragging them to watery deaths. Tigerlily knew these were more than just tales; she had seen it with her very eyes. The elders insisted that merfolk were still dangerous because of their fickle and spiteful natures, so tribefolk were strongly discouraged from interacting with them.

But all that hadn't mattered fifteen years ago, when Tigerlily had been so consumed by grief that she had fled her village without knowing where she was going and had eventually ended up at Mermaid Lagoon.

She winced as she remembered. Fifteen years was a long time, but sometimes the pain still felt raw and present with her—the pain of losing her mother.

Tigerlily's mother, Bright Star, was one of the tribe's fastest and most agile warriors, but she was also gentle and nurturing to Tigerlily. The two of them spent many joyous afternoons together, racing down hills and exploring Neverland. It was Bright Star who awakened Tigerlily's sense of adventure and love of exploration. It was Bright Star who began training Tigerlily to become a great warrior, relentlessly pushing her to ever outdo her best. But it was also Bright Star who soothed Tigerlily's night terrors, who lay under the stars and sang lullabies to her daughter until Tigerlily had fallen asleep. Tigerlily thought she was the strongest, wisest, kindest and most beautiful woman in all the world.

But that strength had faded as the fever lingered. First, it was just fatigue. Tigerlily had been excited but surprised too when she had finally beaten her mother at a foot race. That never happened. Her celebration turned to concern when she saw how difficult it was for her mother to get her breath back.

Over the next three days, Bright Star had grown worse and worse. The medicine woman had given her herbs, but they did no good. The priest had prayed for the Creator's intercession, but still Bright Star faded. The fastest runner was sent to find Chief Little Panther, who had traveled many miles to the Great Plains with a hunting party for their annual bison hunt. No one knew what was wrong, but everyone knew what was going to happen, the inexorable conclusion—everyone but Tigerlily, who had refused to leave her mother's side. When the fever rocked Bright Star's body, Tigerlily cooled her with water from the spring. When Bright Star shook with coughs that hacked up blood, Tigerlily was there to hold her steady. When Bright Star faded in and out of delirium, Tigerlily held her hand and comforted her, singing the same lullabies that Bright Star had once sung to her.

"We circle around, we circle around the boundaries of the Earth… Wearing our long wing feathers as we fly, wearing our long wing feathers as we fly… We circle around, we circle around the boundaries of the Sky…."

Sometimes, it was all she could do to keep singing, keep singing, stop thinking of anything and just keep singing.

"She'll get better," she told everyone. "She is stronger than this."

But in the end, she wasn't. In the end, the star's light finally went out as her fitfully breathing faded away. Tigerlily was there, of course. Other tribe women had come in shifts to support her, but it was late and now she was alone, holding her mother's hand and singing the same lullaby.

"We circle around, we circle around the boundaries of the Earth… Wearing our long wing feathers as we fly, wearing our long wing feathers as we fly… We circle around, we circle around the boundaries of the Sky…."

It was the silence that first caught her attention. Suddenly, she didn't hear her mother's ragged breathing. Startled, her jerked her attention back fully to her mother, and that's when she realized with dawning horror that her mother wasn't breathing at all.

"Mother?" she asked, trying to clamp down on her panic as she shook Bright Star gently. But the panic grew as her mother didn't stir, no matter how hard she shook her. "Mother? Mama? MAMA?"

Her anguished cries brought others running to the hut, but there was nothing that could be done. Bright Star was gone.

As Tigerlily was forced to confront the awful truth, she felt something break inside her, like a dam giving way. Such mad grief enveloped her that rational thought left her head as she fled from the hut, from her mother's body, from death. She ran blindly, sobs racking her body. She felt such anguish she feared she too would die.

She ran until she was exhausted, crashing through brambles and ignoring the tree branches that whipped her face. Finally, her body could go no longer, and she crumpled to her knees at the side of a pool of water—Mermaid Lagoon. She didn't recognize where she was, nor would she have cared. She just lay on the ground, sobbing and sobbing.

She had no idea how long she lay there, overwhelmed by despair and alone in the world. But suddenly a gentle voice cut through the silence.

"Girl, why are you crying?"

Tigerlily jerked her head up and came face to face with the most beautiful creature she had ever seen. She looked to be Tigerlily's age, with long blonde hair and vivid blue eyes, eyes as clear and blue as the ocean itself. She was wearing nothing but pearl necklaces, her hair hanging low over her breasts, and, underneath the water, a shimmering green tail swished languidly back and forth.

It was then Tigerlily realized she was looking at a mermaid. Part of her mind tried to panic at the danger she could be in, but the rest of her was too overcome to care. And this mermaid was so beautiful, with such a soothing voice and kind gaze…

"It's my mother," she hiccupped, throat still clogged with tears. "She's… she just died, and I…" Grief prevented her from going any further as she started crying all over again.

Sympathy clouded the mermaid's eyes. "You poor thing," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"My father's not back yet, and I was taking care of her, and I should have—if only I had… it's my fault she—"

"Shh," the mermaid told her, reaching out and stroking Tigerlily's face. The mermaid's hand was chilly from the water, but surprisingly soft. "You're just a little girl like me. You couldn't have stopped it." She pulled herself out of the water and onto the rock where Tigerlily was kneeling. "My name's Thalassa. What's yours?"

"Tigerlily."

"Don't be shy," Thalassa said. "I won't hurt you. Come here."

Tigerlily obeyed without thinking, letting the mermaid draw her into her embrace. Thalassa was little bigger than she was, but Tigerlily still felt a deep sense of peace wash over her heart as she rested her head on the mermaid's breast. Thalassa began to sing, with the loveliest voice Tigerlily had ever heard. It was low and haunting, full of words that made no sense to Tigerlily, but it soothed her regardless. As she drifted off to sleep, she heard two more voices join in harmony. Later she would realize that they were Thalassa's sisters, Lysianassa and Kallianassa.

That's how Tigerlily met Thalassa, and since then, they became the dearest of friends. Even Little Wolf had not been as precious to Tigerlily as her mermaid friend. She visited Thalassa several times a week, even after… after him, when she was at first terrified of water because of what had happened, when the very sound of dripping water caused her to shake uncontrollably. It had been Thalassa who had broken through to her and carried her through to the other side. Precious Thalassa, who was wise beyond her years, who always knew how to help Tigerlily with her problems.

It was for just such a reason that Tigerlily visited her now.