What happens when you grow up

Chapter 18

Hi everyone! Sorry it is taking so long for some of these updates; my work has been really hectic lately and taking a lot of my time. I really appreciate all the comments-they keep me motivated to keep writing!

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Twelve years ago…

Tigerlily never thought she'd feel such a sense of relief to be back behind the bars of her cell, but it was better than hiding in plain sight from Blackbeard—and this time, she had the key to unlock herself.

Over the next week, she unlocked herself several times, sneaking back to be with Mary whenever she felt it was safe. Mary told her that Blackbeard usually visited in the evening, so Tigerlily tried to come in the early afternoon. She didn't even have to worry about pirates noticing her missing, since they never bothered to show up at her cell anymore now that Blackbeard had promised Mary he'd leave Tigerlily alone—a very welcome development indeed.

That may have been a welcome development, but unfortunately, the two new friends soon realized that they were no closer to solving their problem than before. Tigerlily was sure that they would be able to do something now that there were two of them working together, but it still looked like a hopeless case: They needed to break into Blackbeard's private room, unlock the case containing the antidote, and escape off the floating ship without ever alerting the pirate captain or his crew.

"I don't know how we can make it work," Mary sighed one evening as the two of them sat in her room. She had shared some cookies with Tigerlily, and the princess was almost knocked over by their sweet, buttery flavor. It had been so long since she had eaten anything sweet…

She forced herself to return to the task at hand (though she didn't stop eating the cookies). "I think the biggest thing is to find a way into his room," she started thoughtfully. "Once we're in, we could always just take the case with us."

Mary nodded, growing more positive. "That's true," she agreed. "When I saw it, it wasn't that big. We could probably carry it with us without a problem."

"So it wouldn't even take long for us to get it," Tigerily continued, her brain slowing coming up with a plan. "So… so if someone distracted him and kept him out of the room, it'd be pretty easy for someone else to get in and take the case, right?"

"I could do that," Mary offered quickly. "I could keep him down here all night."

Tigerlily frowned. She knew it was the best and surest way to keep the captain's room unoccupied, but she hated asking Mary to do that, even if she had done it countless times before. It didn't seem right.

Mary saw her friend's consternation and gave a gentle smile. "It's all right," she said kindly, laying a hand on Tigerlily's shoulder. "It's not so bad. I make my mind go to happy places… I imagine being with Gabriel and my father on our ship. And… and anything's worth it, to be free of Blackbeard once and for all."

Tigerlily pushed the awful images out of her head and plunged on determinedly. "I could squeeze through a porthole and climb up the side," she said. "I've climbed plenty of steep surfaces before. I'd just need a rope and some gear, and I could make my way up."

"His quarters are nearly straight above us," Mary pointed out, "so you wouldn't have to go far. And I know there is plenty of rope around here. We could surely find any tools you'd need. No one even remembers what's down here, so it's not like they'd notice something missing."

"The only question, then," Tigerlily continued, trying to keep her excitement from running away from her, "is how we'd get off the ship afterwards, especially without Blackbeard noticing."

"That won't be a problem," Mary replied, and the firmness in her voice was chilling. "He won't be able to hurt anyone ever again."

"Then," Tigerlily pushed on quickly, "getting away would be simple. We could just shimmy down the anchor line."

"But we'd be trapped in the rock quarry."

"No, we wouldn't," Tigerlily explained, "because I know the way out. My people used to guard the quarry for the fairies. We know all the passageways. We don't use them now because Blackbeard's here, but we still know them. I'm sure I could get us out and back to my village."

Mary's eyes shone with grateful tears. "After all these years," she whispered, "I'll finally be free." Her face fell slightly as she added, "As long as everything works."

Tigerlily took her friend's hand and gave it a squeeze. "It will work," she said firmly. "We will make it work."

Mary bit her lip, her eyes filling with worry—and pain. "I can't tell you what these past eight years have been like," she started, her words coming out in forced bursts. "The things he did to me…"

"You don't have to tell me," Tigerlily said quickly.

"No, I want to tell you," Mary answered. "I need to tell you—to tell someone. To confide in someone. I've been alone for so long. And it's been… it's been hell. I have nightmares almost every time I go to sleep, flashbacks to that day when the pirates took over the ship and Gabriel was killed. Nightmares of Blackbeard coming for me and hurting me all over. And when I wake up, there's no relief, because I know he is going to come back, and he is going to do those things again. And I'm not going to fight back, because I gave up fighting back years ago. And…" Her voice dropped, choked with guilt. "And I hate myself for it."

"You can't!" Tigerlily protested. "None of this was your fault!"

"All the time, day and night, there's a voice in my head that accuses me," Mary told her, "telling me that if I'd only fought harder, Blackbeard wouldn't have r***d me. If I'd only been smarter or faster or stronger, Gabriel wouldn't be dead." Her words were filled with such anguish, Tigerlily's heart felt like it would rip in two. "How could I sit back for all these years and let the man who murdered my brother do this to me, over and over and over? I have done such terrible things, such shameful, shameless, awful things, just for another dose of antidote, things that haunt my dreams, things that will haunt me until I die."

"Stop it," Tigerlily ordered, grabbing her friend's shoulders. "Blackbeard is the villain here. He's the monster. You're the victim. Do you hear me? You're the victim."

"How can I be a victim when I've spread my legs for him willingly?" Mary demanded. "When I've laughed with him and kissed him and told him sweet nothings and… and… I've orgasmed with him inside me." She was crying now, her voice rising higher and higher, barely intelligible through her tears. "I've orgasmed! He's made me shake with such pleasure I can't think straight. How is that possible, if he's raping me? It must not be r**e then, right? It must be… I must want it, right? In my heart of hearts? And I'm just lying to myself, trying to convince myself I'm not some w***e, but I am, that's all I am, doing whatever needs to be done, and—Oh, God! Oh, God!"

The words trailed off, replaced by sobs that wracked her body, and Tigerlily didn't say anything, just pulled Mary into her arms and let her weep, and wept alongside her. She wept for her friend, her precious friend and the pain that Mary had been through; she wept for Mary's life, and the life that should have been. And she wept for her own life as well.

When Mary's sobs finally quieted, Tigerlily pulled back to look her friend in the eyes. "Listen to me," she said quietly, cupping Mary's face in her hands. "Listen to me. You did what you had to, to survive. You didn't do anything wrong. None of this is your fault. You were not asking for this. You did not want this. You don't deserve this. You can't help how your body responds. Blackbeard knows how to get what he wants. He knows how to get people to react the way he wants. He is more cunning, and more experienced, and more prepared. You were a seventeen-year-old girl thrown into this, and none of it was your fault. You're not a w***e. You're a beautiful, precious young woman who is stronger than she realizes."

Mary flashed a weak half smile. "How is a twelve-year-old so wise?"

Tigerlily flashed a smile back. "Hey, I'm thirteen," she corrected. "My birthday was just last week." She tried to keep her voice brave and light, but she couldn't quite hide the pain as she remembered realizing she had turned thirteen in a cramped, filthy cell instead of surrounded by family and friends, cheering her on as she completed her own initiation into adulthood.

"This is a terrible place to have a birthday."

Tigerlily forced her smile to grow wider. She would be strong for both of them. "We'll celebrate it properly when we're free."

Mary's smile grew as well. "That sounds like a plan to me."

Tigerlily longed to stay with Mary that night, to take comfort in her friend just as her friend took comfort in her. Just being in the presence of another human being—one that actually cared about her—was a blessing. But she knew it would be stupidly dangerous. The pirates barely bothered to check on her at all, but Blackbeard still came for Mary, and it would be disastrous to be found together.

So instead, though she could barely tear herself away, she forced herself to open the door and walk back down the corridor to her cell. She had almost made it when something made her stop in her tracks.

There was a light shimmering in the porthole closest to her cell. It was dazzlingly bright, brighter than any star Tigerlily had seen before. It wasn't fixed in space, either; instead, it bounced and flitted along the rim of the porthole with frenetic energy. And, as Tigerlily drew closer to it, she heard the distinctive sound of tinkling bells.

That's when she realized it wasn't a star.

It was a fairy.