Not so fast
1291 Words
JAMIE WILLIS
It was normal human behavior to feel a sense of joy and relief when a person gets a break from work yet here I was feeling the opposite. I hated the idea of spending another godforsaken day cooked up in my apartment.
The worst part was that I could hear them. Jayne and her girlfriend ― I could hear every little sound they were making through the walls. It was like they were taunting me on purpose ― Holding it over my head that I had lost the chance to hit it.
Their giggles at night and lovey-dovey noises drove me to the brink of madness. I wondered what they were laughing about. It had to be me. I couldn’t think of anything else that would amuse them.
As if that wasn’t enough, the next morning crowned it off when I got up to a knock on my door. It was too late to turn back when I answered and saw them there, smiling, in each other’s arms.
“Honey, this is the guy I was telling you about,” Jayne said grinning like an i***t.
So they were talking about me huh…
I tried to act normal and fake the perfect smile but my face wouldn’t let me. They could burn in hell together for all I cared!
“Hi there,” I said, stiff-faced.
I had to admit Jayne’s girlfriend was just as good-looking as she was. Maybe even more. She had delicate brown skin that reminded me of wet chocolate. Her body was curvy and thick in a way that would send most frail men to an early grave.
“Hi. I’m Kelly.” She said in a melodic voice. “You should come over sometime. What do you think babe?” She turned over to the woman in her arms for confirmation.
Jayne nodded.
Thanks but no thanks…
I spent the rest of the day trying to work on my book. I couldn’t hang out with the guys because they weren’t supportive about it. According to them, “Writing feels like a babe thing.” Why would any sane guy want to commit to something so “blurrh”?
Well, screw them! I’ll keep on writing because I enjoy it.
The book was about a s*x-starved college student and her journey toward satisfying her unquenchable craving. I tried to work on the next chapter for hours but it became obvious to me that I had hit a block I couldn’t get around. The more I tried to write, the harder it got to focus until my head begged to be put out of its misery.
I decided to let it rest until Thursday when I had the opportunity of scouting for the student I was going to use as a case study for my heroine. From then on, it would be a piece of cake.
What was I going to do with the rest of my day? The thought hovered in my mind for a while. Going out and exploring the world would have been ideal, especially for a writer but the problem with that was that I didn’t know where to begin.
I also didn’t want to be put in a position where I would have to be committed to any woman. My last relationship had been hell on earth and it was a miracle I had gotten out of it with my limbs intact. Dating wasn’t in the books for me yet it was hard avoiding it because according to the women I saw, I happen to be a gorgeous piece of meat, whatever that meant.
Just when I thought it was hopeless and I would have to spend my day indoors seething like an old grumpy f**k, a golden idea fell into my lap. I’d pretend to be a rich professional actor and mess around with the men at the bar. It will be a harmless prank.
I left the apartment dressed in the obvious leather jacket and jean trousers. Green sunglasses completed the look I was aiming for.
The bar was crowded and there were a bunch of meatheads by the pool table shooting balls and arguing about sports. They were perfect for what I needed to do.
The bartender was a balding middle-aged man with a barrel-like body. I told him to get me a dirty Martini and after the second shot, I was feeling pumped up for my little stunt. I ordered one more shot for the road and took the cold glass with me to the table.
Some of the men around the table regarded me with interest while the rest ignored me like they would a fly that fell into their can of beer.
“Point me to the big bear,” I said in a husky voice that was nothing like my real voice. I was in character all right. It was all or nothing now.
The guys arguing paused for a minute to watch me. It was as if all eyes were suddenly on me and if I was being honest, a good number of them were scary eyes.
“What you doing here, big shot?” One of the men asked. His eyes were small and beady and his face was mostly an overgrown beard and mustache. “You lost or sumin’?”
I could have kissed him and hugged him at that moment. He was helping me sell the whole thing even without knowing.
“Nah. I’m just trying to have some fun.” I shrugged. “You saw me in that movie, huh?”
The shades were a stroke of genius because they shielded my real expressions. Without them, I would have f****d. Royally f****d.
There were whispers among them and some of them nodded buying my bullshit story. It would be hard for some of them to recognize me in the gloomy room with the shade hiding my eyes.
“So who here can go against me,” I said, slamming a fist on the pool table. “I’m feeling hella generous tonight with my money.”
They hooted and cheered and so it began. Armed with the little money I had left from my frizzled savings and a skilled mind mastered in 8 ball pool, I played against four of their best players in a bet and won their money straight.
“Drinks for everyone.” I banged the table again. “It’s all on me!”
The bar resonated with a loud cheer. I picked up my glass and gulped the drink in one scoop. The world spun for some seconds then capsized and settled back to its normal natural position once again.
I’d had my fun now it was time to head back home. Most of the guys shook my hand and a few of them asked for my autograph which I was more inclined to give them. If only they knew the signature they were receiving wasn’t from a well-known movie star but from a professor then I would spend my final days in the emergency unit.
Just as I settled my tab with the bartender, a finger poked my shoulder twice. I turned around and saw a woman there. She raised a brow at me staring straight into my eyes with eyes that had fire in them.
“Not so fast, buddy.” She said with a wry grin. “You got one more challenger.”
I turned around fully to face her. She was half my size but looked like she wouldn’t hesitate to step in a ring with me. I liked her fierceness.
“Yeah?” I grinned at her. “Who?”
She poked a finger at her chest. “Me.”
- Writer
