The blink of an eye

2

As we started to pass civilization it really started to sink in that we would be leaving. I would be leaving the place I felt most welcomed. I couldn’t help but resent my father for making us leave and without giving a proper explanation.The car come to a sudden halt, I glanced out the window noticing that it had begun to rain. What started out as a light drizzle had now turned into a relentless downpour of rain. I turned off the music playing and rested my head against the window of the van. I had always found the sound of rain relaxing and soothing, and I allowed it to coax me to sleep. 

                                                                                   ***               

I find myself in the middle of a vast sunflower field. The sky a clear, vibrant blue, contrasted nicely with the lone white cloud resembling a key. I spun around basking in the peace and tranquility the place provided. Something I hadn’t felt for a very long time; with all the moving dad had made us do, I was never really able to settle or get too comfortable because every time I did it was ripped away from me. I found it was just easier to keep to myself, by doing this I avoided the heartache of leaving people I’d have grown fond of. But this time was unlike others, I felt like this time would be different, I thought that I’d finally be able to grow my roots in one place and settle down, of course that wasn’t the case. Just I was growing accustomed to the place, once again we had to leave. 

I stand up and begin to wander around before my steps begin to falter. There was a woman in front of me with her back turned from me. There was a sense of familiarity about her. The hair, her hair.

“Mom, mom is that you?” I called. 

Growing up my mom was never mentioned. I have a no memory of what she looked like because she died before my eyes began to perceive enough to remember. But I could never forget her hair. I remember the look of it, the rich golden-brown colour and how it felt in my small chubby fingers; as soft as a feather and silky smooth.

Dad never discussed the death of mom, and was very vague about the details that lead to her death, whenever anything of her or about her was brought up he always got agitated and lashed, then he would leave wherever we were staying to god knows where. There isn’t a single trace of my mom anywhere, dad made sure to get rid of her existence. The only thing I have left of her is the necklace she gave me as a baby that I now wear as a bracelet.

I walk briskly towards her.

“Mom!” I call out excitedly.

As I touch her shoulder, it begins to dissipate. Starting with her head, then to her shoulders, and down to her knees and finally her toes. I take a cautious step back, not being able to comprehend what my eyes had just witnessed and not wanting the same to happen to me.

“No, no. Come back mommy, don’t leave me. Don’t leave me again.” I sob.

I slowly sink to my knees, my shoulders racking as I cry out ugly sobs.

“COME BACK.” I shout out to particularly no one.

                                                                                 ***

My eyes snap open. My heart beating erratically. I begin to let myself calm down as I familiarize my surroundings. Dad looks into the rearview mirror.

"You alright back there?" He asks.

"Yea-"

“Dad!” I hear my sister shout.

Confused at what she’s shouting at I lift my head up to see what was going on. A car zooming at full speed crashes into our mini-van, sending us soaring into the air. I let out a pierced scream in agony as my body lifts and slam into the ceiling. I scramble to grab onto the car handles on the ceiling beside me. Suddenly the weight of gravity pulls us back down and the mini-van collides with the ground. The impact of the slam of the mini-van hitting the ground breaks the windscreen and glass shatters in to all directions. I close my eyes to brace myself as the glass shards pierce my skin. My head having no support whips round before slamming on the window I feel a warm liquid begin to trickle down my forehead. There is a ringing sound in my ear and I start to feel light headed. The mini-van finally seizes. The smell of smoke from the engine is strong, as I start to cough, heavily gasping for air. I hear the engine make a whining noise. It’s only a matter of time before it explodes. 

The profound pain coming from all over my body is overwhelming. The darkness surrounding me is so comforting it’s calling out to me. I don’t feel the pain anymore, the darkness has numbed it. Finally, somewhere where I can grow my roots. It’s so quiet and peaceful. I let go and let the darkness consume me.