Fates Must Be Kidding

Sharing the load

Over the next month my nightmares get more and more graphic, I hear shots fired, screams and groans, I see blood trails on the ground, dead bodies laying around, and their dead empty eyes haunt me even when I am awake. I guess for a while I had been suppressing everything deep in my mind, but as soon as I started thinking about it, the dam broke and those terrible pictures flooded my head. And I have no idea how to handle it. Just this week I have already gone through two punching bags, and it's only Wednesday! I wish I could talk to Rose, she is so much better than me at understanding emotions and channeling them.

I've just finished my dinner and am about to go to my room to change into my workout gear once again when the Luna motions for me to follow her. I step into her office and she tells me to close the door.

"We need to talk." That's not good at all. Did I break one of the pack rules I didn't know about???

"Don't worry, you're not in trouble," the Luna says with a chuckle. I relax a bit and get more comfortable in a chair across from her desk.

"What's up, Luna?"

"I can't help, but notice that something is bothering you, more than usual. I respect your privacy and your boundaries. However I want you to know that I'm here for you. I can't promise that I will be able to resolve your problems, but sometimes even talking about them helps. You know, just to get it off your chest." Her sincerity makes me shift uneasily in my seat. I'm not used to grown ups taking care of me, it has always been either Sam and Ricky or just me.

"You don't have to say anything right now if you aren't ready. Think it over, you know where to find me."

I sit there for a couple of minutes mulling over her offer. My nightmares and anxiety are not letting up, I can feel my fuse getting shorter, and it was never long in the first place. What if I just snap and take it all out on innocent people around me? I let out a heavy sigh and lift my eyes from the floor.

"I'll tell you as much as I can, but on one condition," I say quickly, before I change my mind.

"Okay, what is it?"

"Don't feel sorry for me."

The Luna nods in agreement, and I let it all out. About my life in the Facility, our escape, my nightmares. She doesn't interrupt me even once, which I'm extremely grateful for. Talking about everything, reliving it is more difficult than I could ever imagine. As I finish my story, I do feel that a tiniest bit of weight has been lifted off my chest. I look at the Luna expectantly, but she seems deep in thought. In a minute or two she makes eye contact with me and says, "Thank you for sharing this with me. No one should go through something like that, especially not a child. You did what you had to do to survive, you and your friends are very brave. I understand that you are struggling with the trauma and guilt, but you made an important step just now by opening up to me. You shouldn't have worried that I would feel sorry for you. Your story just confirmed to me what I already knew - you're a tough girl who stands up for what is important to her. That's something to be proud of."

"But what about all those kids who died, whose dead eyes I see every time I go to sleep? What about those kids who I threw into the real world without asking them if they wanted it?"

"Let me ask you this, why do you think they ran? They could have stayed outside the building and waited for explosions to die down. You didn't make them escape, they made that decision for themselves. You might have sped it up by creating a window of opportunity which they used. They also didn't want to be abused and see their friends die. They were aware of the risks, of the armed guards outside, but that didn't stop them. The only guilty ones are those who kept you there and gave the order to shoot."

"I never thought about it like that," I admit. 

"I know what I just said doesn't make everything better. It's easy for me to tell you to let it go. But I can suggest something that might ease your mind a bit. As you know, we have a Council that is the main referee in the supernatural world. I think we should bring this issue up to them, it is their job to deal with things like this. And while they are looking into the Facility, they could search for runaways and make sure that they are alright."

"That would be amazing, let's do it!" I don't remember the last time I felt this excited. "Can we do it today?"

"Hold your horses, I'll talk to the Alpha and he'll set up a call with them. We will not reveal your identity or tell them the whole story. Just enough to persuade them to take action. And there is one more thing I want you to consider."

"What is it?"

"I think you should find your friends and bring them here. And before you start protesting hear me out! The school year will be over in 2 months. By then the Council will be all up in the Facility's business. Believe me, those guys won't be looking for you anymore. And if they are, you'll have better protection here. You guys were deprived of a happy childhood, but you still have a couple of years before going all grown up on us. We can help you make them safer and happier, and, more importantly, you will be together. Think about it, okay?"

"I will," I promise. Don't get me wrong, it sounds very tempting, but I need to be sure that I won't endanger my family in any way if I go looking for them. We agreed of that plan for a reason, not because we got sick and tired of each other, and wanted a 3-year break. 

"Great, then I'm off to talk to my wonderful husband, and you probably have another poor gym equipment to destroy," the Luna jokes, probably to lighten the mood. I really am grateful for everything she and the Alpha have done for me, but I'm not sure how to show it to them. So I go with the most direct way.

"Luna, I really appreciate what you guys have done for me, a total stranger. I owe you so much, and I hope that one day I'll be able to pay you back!"

"Seeing you happy is all I need," is her reply.

"Can I ask you why you treat me like this?"

"Why, you don't think that we genuinely are decent people?"

"That's not it, and I know that you know what I mean."

"I do. As you know, the Alpha and I have a son, Leo. You'll meet him when he comes home for the summer break from his studies at the Council. But what you aren't aware of is that we also had a daughter, Ivy. Unfortunately, she died during a rogue attack ten years ago. You remind me of her, even though you look nothing like her. It's like you share the same spirit or something. This is the best I can explain it. I know you're weirded out by it, but I can't help myself," she shakes her head as if she is trying to get rid of bad memories.

"I'm really sorry you had to go through that. And I hope the Alpha hunted all of those rogues down and tore them to pieces. If he didn't, I'm more than willing to help!"

This drew a humorless laugh from her. "Don't worry, he took care of it a while ago, but your offer means a lot to me."

I reach for her hand and give it a tight squeeze. And believe me, this is a big deal for me, usually the only physical contact I tolerate is of the fighting variety.

"Can I do something for you?"

"No, Mia. Don't worry about me, I just need a minute or two. Get on with your evening, and I'll make the arrangements we have discussed."

As I leave the office, I spot the Alpha making his way towards me and looking worried. That's the mate bond for you, he probably sensed his mate's distress and wants to check on her. Pretty cool, if you ask me. I wonder if I ever get to experience something like this...