The Alpha's Unrecognised Mate

Chapter 2: Not the Response I'd Been Hoping For

Clint’s face went… dark. There’s no other word to describe the expression of a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders suddenly being burdened with more. It pained me to see my mate in distress. It pained me more to be the cause.

“I didn’t realise that was possible,” he breathed quietly, as much to himself as to me. His gaze flew up to meet my own directly, the intensity nearly unbearable. It was the first time he’d laid every bit of his attention on me since we’d mated- or, as it seemed growingly clear, I’d mated. His focus was heavy and I felt it in every limb. As if his words alone were not weight enough.

“I’m so sorry,” he apologised earnestly, his smooth voice calming but entirely wasted. There was no sugar-coating a confession like that.

“You don’t feel it,” I stated. By this point it wasn’t a question, but I still waited for his answer.

“It’s a little more complicated-,” he started, but cut himself off. Beating around the point wasn’t helping things and getting my hopes up wasn’t his intention. “No, Tori. I’m sorry.”

I tried to catch my sob. I had been holding so strong I hadn’t noticed how close it was to the surface. Clint checked the chapel door to make sure no one was close enough to hear while tears bled down my cheeks. I wondered if he was trying to shield me from embarrassment, or himself. Either way, he seemed satisfied we were alone. He wrapped a powerful arm around my shoulders and pulled me back down into the pew I had only recently exited. He sat beside me and held me while the sobs wracked my body against my will. It seemed like cheating, to say he felt nothing and then to hold me like that, but I wasn’t in any state to argue. I wasn’t sure I had the strength left to push him away even if I’d wanted to. His confession didn’t change the pull still charging within me. Ironically, his arms were a slight balm against the string of his rejection. Reciprocated or not, his arms were meant for me now. When the aggression in my sobs started to subside, Clint spoke again.

“You are my mate, Tori. You’re not mistaken. I just can’t feel it, not in the wolf sense,” he explained gently. The initial outpouring of grief was subsiding as I came to terms with what was happening. Canals still rested on my cheeks, but the flooding seemed to be over. I didn’t trust my voice just yet, so I merely looked up at him, encouraging him to continue. He checked the door once more, and satisfied, he looked back to me. He sighed deeply. My pain in this moment may shadow his, but this was still a hard tale for him to tell.

“I knew we needed a new alpha. We all knew it, but none of the elders could beat Leo and none of the juniors had the strength,” he began. I wasn’t seeing the connection just yet, but Clint had been quiet about his path to alpha. Even if my world didn’t revolve around him now, my curiosity would have kept me quiet long enough to hear what he had to say. He took another big breath. “I don’t have alpha blood or training. I knew I needed help. More than anyone in the pack could give me. I… I went to the Moon Goddess,” he confessed. I almost let out a gasp, but held it in. Did that mean he’d had lunar intervention to become the alpha? I hadn’t fully grasped the extent he’d had to go to take the leadership, but I was starting to realise it was significantly more than I had assumed. “I couldn’t ask for her help without providing something in return, but I had nothing to offer. Nothing I could sacrifice if I wanted to be a strong alpha. Nothing but…” he let his words hang off, as if he expected me to follow on my own. Bonded or not, I was still lost. My mind had been through a lot already that day. He seemed hesitant to say the words out loud, but he pushed through for my sake.

“I traded my ability to mate for the strength to become alpha,” he finally stated. This time my gasp did escape, before he had even reached the end of his sentence.

“Clint,” I began, but I quickly realised I had no idea what to say. He filled the silence for me.

“I’d assumed that would work both ways. I had no idea someone could still mate with me. I never intended for my sacrifice to affect anyone else,” he rushed, a real guilt entering his voice. I wanted to comfort him, but I didn’t have much comfort to share in that moment. His pause stretched until it grew to a silence.

“So… what, what now?” I asked quietly.

“That’s up to you,” he responded, his normal calm authority demeanour returning. He may not have expected this scenario, but there was little that could phase him. “I will never feel the mate bond, Tori, but I still feel common attraction, and love. It’s not as instant, and perhaps will never be as powerful, but I offer to give it to you.”

“How can you offer me that when you don’t feel it? Without the mate bond, how do you know that you could even love me?” I queried, bristling slightly.

“Because you’re my mate. Out of everyone, the Moon Goddess sees you as my best partner, and the clan’s best luna. I’m only where I am now because of her judgement. I trust in her choice,” he answered firmly.

“I… I can’t even think about the luna thing just yet,” I admitted. My brain was already at capacity. Clint nodded.

“I understand that it’s a lot, especially out of nowhere. But it is an important thing to consider in your choice,” he said. Now it was my turn to nod.

“What are the other options?” I asked slowly.

“You can reject me,” he said simply. I involuntarily shrunk back. Rejecting a mate wasn’t easy. It took a long time of defying every desire in your body, of ignoring the constant longing thoughts, of consistently fighting the primal urges of your wolf. It was a last resort. And yet, he suggested it without flinching. Clint noticed I was taken aback and continued. “I don’t mean to sound insensitive, Tori, but you’re the only one that would feel it. That’s part of why I’m leaving this choice up to you, and you alone. I’ve accepted that I will not find a mate a while ago. It is you that has the most to lose.”

We sat in silence for a little longer while I regathered my thoughts. By this point, though, my brain was fried. It wasn’t a great time to be making a big decision. Clint seemed to sense this, too.

“I’m not expecting you to decide right away, you know,” he added, his voice gentle again. “Take some time to think it over. There’s no rush for you to choose.” That was easy for him to say. He wouldn’t be seeing me every time he fell asleep, or thinking of me every time his mind was given an inch of freedom. But that was part of the decision in itself. Was I okay with him not sharing the obsessive attraction? And, although I wanted to ignore this part all together, was I willing to be the pack’s luna?

“Can you do me a favour, while I decide?” I asked. I expected him to wait to hear what the favour was before agreeing, but he responded immediately.

“Of course.”

“Please, don’t tell anyone,” I whispered, almost a whimper. Despite sharing an overall embarrassing experience with no less than the alpha of my pack, this was the first time I felt my cheeks flush. Perhaps, as my mate, I couldn’t feel ashamed of showing myself to him. When it came to the rest of the pack, however, I was not so immune.

“I will never look to hurt you, Tori. I’ve already done that enough,” he responded, a shard of self-loathing slipping in. “I hold my own secrets, and although I cannot rightly ask any more of you, I would appreciate if you kept them, too.”

“I will,” I answered solemnly. He removed his arm from around my shoulder and moved to stand. It was like taking off a jacket in the middle of a snowstorm, as a biting tingle filled the skin he had been touching. I should have been grateful to have had the contact for so long, but all I could think about was how I wanted so much more. He could have taken me right there in the aging chapel, doors wide open as the creaking timber groaned under our movements, and I wouldn’t have complained a bit.

If I’d been blushing before, they’d need a new word for what I was doing now. Was this kind of thought going to be a regular thing, now that I’d mated? I did my best to push it away as I stood up myself, following Clint out. He shut the large double doors behind me, locking the padlock that connected to the chain keeping the handles shut. The timber was so old and fragile it was kind of a wasted effort. A well-placed kick would probably have placed a hole big enough in the wall to crawl through, if it didn’t bring the whole thing down. Not that there was anything inside worth stealing.

The dirt lot was empty, bar for my own car. Clint mustn’t have driven. His house and the chapel both backed on to the same forest, making wolf form an easy alternative. It was risky to rely on the ability to get undressed and transform in secret when out in public, but leaving the chapel and arriving at his private address wasn’t as difficult. I tried not to focus on the fact Clint would be undressing just a few metres away. I’d blushed enough for the minute.

“I’ll see you at training,” Clint said, breaking my thoughts just in time. I nodded automatically before stopping.

“Oh, umm, about that,” I replied sheepishly. He tilted his head slightly in question. “I wasn’t really paying much attention…”

“Make sense,” he responded politely. “The juniors are meeting here on Saturday morning, six sharp. The rest you can pick up on the day.”

“See you then,” I gave a dorky salute as farewell and immediately regretted it. Rather than return the awkward gesture, he nodded in response and headed to the tree line behind us, skipping the chapel steps altogether in his large stride. As the distance between us grew, so did the ache in my heart. I certainly didn’t feel like I could win his love, or respect, yet alone become Luna of the pack he was fighting so desperately to repair. Yet just as I didn’t have the strength to accept it, I didn’t think I would be strong enough to deny this feeling forever.

At least the meeting hadn’t been boring.