50 Days to His Heart

Day 20: Lorraine

"Until when will you stare on your phone? You have not called Henry since the last time you talked?!"

"Vianna, can you calm down? And he is in a business convention so he said it's better that I stay with you."

I didn't go home yesterday after I spoke with Ms. Pearl and my kids' advisers. I called up Henry and told him that I'd be staying at Vianna's place as part of our space agreement and he didn't ask anything. He knows Vianna and he trusts her.

I didn't have the courage of telling him what we have discovered in school. Ms. Pearl said she was really meaning on calling me but was not able to because she was still weighing down how she'd tell me. Our family's case is sort of sensitive and she feels that Henry and I need to seek help of a marriage  counselor.

They've found in my children's school diaries hate letters for their dad. Both wanted him out of their lives. Dos even said that he'd rather live alone while Tres has doodles of 'I hate dad' on his diary entry. The letters were really written small that you can't hardly notice them.

I was not able to read everything because my heart just can't. Perhaps they got event more mad with their dad when I was banned from seeing them as brought by the temporary restraining order Henry filed against me.

"I'm... I'm thinking, maybe... Maybe they saw Henry with somebody else? Not that I'm saying he's cheating on you but..."

"That's a likelihood Vianna. Henry said he didn't cheat on me but he has this close girl friend..."

"Oh."

"And he was engaged with this girl I am referring to."

"You mean... Wait, let me recall.... You mean Eunice? They are seeing each other?"

"Henry said it was a friendly type not a romantic one."

I am really holding myself from crying. Vianna is a very close friend but I know she had burdens too. And the fact that I'm saying that my husband could have cheated on me is so painful that I can't hardly breath.

"Then, you have to believe your husband. The more you put doubt in your mind, the more that you'd be in pain. You know what happened with me and George right?"

Vianna tried to calm me down and embraced me.

"Yes but with George, there was really no other woman but Henry has."

"Eunice is Henry's past Lorraine, you are the present."

"But how can I be so sure that Eunice is really just part of his past?"

I was not able to control my tears this time and started crying. I thought I have forgiven Henry but it's just too hard to accept reality.

"Feel it in your heart Lorraine. I know that you'd hear your heart saying Henry is true with what he feels for you. You have to forgive him and... And let God heal your brokenness."

I know God heals our brokenness it's just that...

"But how will I forgive him? When he is the reason that my kids are missing now."

"The more that you should sort things out between you two. What if your kids are just near and all they wanted is to see you back together?"

"But we've lived together Vianna. Even slept together, made love and... but my kids didn't show up. My kids are still missing Vianna."

I broke down in tears. I started imagining my kids. If thy really run away then where could they be sleeping? How are they eating? I've experienced living in street for a couple of days and it was hard for an adult like me, the more with them! They are just 10 years old.

"Alright. Just think of happy thoughts. If you don't wanna call Henry yet then let's just enjoy today, I have tickets of Ross' concert. George and I was supposed to watch this but I'd tell him that I'll be your date first."

"Really? Is that really okay with George?"

"Yup. George will understand."

Vianna knows what can make me happy. She knows that I like anything that has something to do with theater,music, performances. I love my bestfriend.

"Wait, this Ross.. Is he.. Is the husband of Grace? Our schoolmate?"

"Yep. Our f*******: group has become active because we want to help you see your kids and along the way, I became friends with Grace and she gave me tickets for the recital. We will enjoy tonight okay?"

"Okay, thank you, thank for being always there."

"Not a problem, but tomorrow, I want you to talk to Henry and tell him everything. The more that we keep something from our partners, the more that we build the gap."

" I understand Vianna. I'll go get dressed so we'd be ready for the Concert."

I just really hope that after the concert, I'd clear my thoughts and I'd be able to talk to Henry. I just pray that the Lord will give me strength to tell him the truth and face the aftermath later on.