Chapter1
634 Words
Chapter 1-The Office
The palpitation of my heart could be heard from miles away.
I was scared of the dangerous pleasure I was about to engage in, I wanted to stop for a moment to better rationalize my action. I really wanted to pull back. Somewhere deep down I knew this wasn't right. I knew for sure this was going somewhere it shouldn't, this isn't suppose to be. But no! Everything was happening so fast. I couldn't pause or even think rightly.
This was going to cause us alot .
Families.
Relationships.
Trust.
This was going to take from us more than we are getting now. But my pastor wouldn't listen. I feared him, like my own father, I honored him and took his words like the word of God. But here he was trying to destroy my life and take away my precious jewel I've been holding on to for years. Who was I going to tell that my pastor emotionally blackmailed me to get here, who was I going to explain to that I didn't want to go that way Initially, but he wouldn't just stop. What will I tell my parents?
My mum doesn't listen many times when I had things to say, my safest place in this world was with my pastor. I called him Big daddy and mentor. For a split of second my mind wandered away, if Big Daddy can do this, then my esteem and self-worth is gone. He was doing to me something I dreaded and always spoke about in my school. What will I explain to those small girls I always preach to back in school?
My world!
I remember wanting to scream and being unable to carry my body. He brought Scripture and started speaking to me to suit the obvious wound he knew he had inflicted on my tender soul. He talked about submission and faith. I just stayed there looking at him with a blank stare. He talked about how sometimes faith demands that we sacrifice things that are precious to us, that It was a very pleasant sacrifice to make. He said it was a great honour to be deflowered by an anointed man of God. That my life will never be thesame after now.
Truly my life never remained thesame.
Deep down I knew this wasn't counsel, this wasn't guidance, this wasn't admonition. These were lies encapsulated in scriptures. This was manipulation to the very core!
It was about 12:35pm after we were done. 12pm was visiting hours for daddy, and of course I came out from his office after I had straightened my gown and washed my face. I had to look normal.
I stepped into the corridor .Everyone smiled at me and were about going into his office in their turns. I smiled back, it was a false smile that barely reached my heart. "Good afternoon sister Faith", I said to one of daddy's P.A who stood by the corridor to ensure people went into daddy's office orderly. "Good afternoon Sister, Chioma". She responded. How was the meeting? I hope you feel better now? Yes, I'm very much better I said with a sheepish smile. I walked out of the three-storeybuilding. That day it felt like something walked out of me, I became a shadow of myself, I couldn't relate this experience with anyone, not even my closest friend in school. I stopped attending my school fellowship, stopped attending those small cell meetings we use to have. I became very alienated from everything else.Even my parents believed so much in the grace upon Our Daddy's life. They could give anything to him, including me. What was I suppose to do now?
- Writer
