Altered

Sight

 Sadmir and I sit under a tree behind his home, trying and failing to create intimacy between us. This is a challenging feat to accomplish for two people who have just met, and I was going to have to do it again with my other mates. Sadmir is a handsome man, and I would not be telling the truth if I said I had not been daydreaming about his lips on mine. Now face to face with him, my mind and stomach are in knots.

"Have you ever had a massage?" Sadmir asks

"No. Never." I reply.

"Would you like one? I have been told my massages can release a great deal of stress and may help you relax."

Sadmir shifts so that his back is supported by the tree, and he opens his legs, pats the spot in between them for me to sit. As soon as my back touches his front, my body starts to relax without my permission, and I sink into him and sigh. He chuckles lightly and places his hands on my shoulders, and starts kneading the muscle underneath, and my skin starts to tingle. I tilt my head to one side and let Sadmir do his work on my body. His hands move down from my shoulders to my arms and back again until the tension leaves the areas he has touched.

"I have an idea." He says, "Let us both say out loud a secret we are afraid to reveal. Something we have never told anyone. Something we are afraid to admit even to ourselves and see where that takes us."

I nod my head and start to search my mind for a secret that I wanted to unburden myself with. Sadmir's hands on my body make it both challenging and easy to think until a secret bubbles up and threaten to spill out of my mouth before I can overthink it. I opened my mouth to tell my secret, but a deep moan comes out instead when Sadmir dips his thumb into my shoulder blade, easing out the tension there.

I tilted my head to the side, so focused on his hands and the way they make me feel that my secret just slips out of my mouth as his falls from his mouth.

"I don't know who I am." We both say, and his hands stop moving, jerking me out of the trance they put me in, and I spin around to face him. We whisper our secrets again, and a slow smile spreads across my face as the pressure in my lower back begins to build again. I can't help but say the words over and over, finding that my body relaxes into Sadmir with each breath I take.

"I don't know who I am." I say again, and our skin starts to glow a faint yellow.

"I don't know who I am." Sadmir whispers, and the yellow light on our skin starts to glow brighter and heats me up. Sadmir lifts up my shirt and places the tiger's eye over my navel. The coolness from the stone spreads out from my navel to the rest of my body and another wave of pleasure runs through me and I start to fall back but Sadmir is there to catch me and he lays me down on the soft grass.

"Manipura." Sadmir whispers, and my limbs begin to shake as power starts to flood my body. The wind begins to pick up, and my eyes fly open with fear. I look at Sadmir and on his face is a beautiful smile. I expected to see fear written across his face, but all I see is happiness.

"I know you." He says, never breaking my gaze. "Surrender."

I had not realized I was fighting the power instead of letting it flow through me. I throw back my head and scream as I let all the energy building up at my navel flow through the rest of my body and out my mouth, nose, eyes, and ears in bright yellow light. With my kundalini sight, I can see Sadmir as he holds me still smiling down at me, and then my mind is thrown out of my head and into Spirit.

I see myself in warrior clothing, speaking to soldiers that I command. My men at my back, ready to tear down anyone who tries to enslave us again. A flash of yellow light has me seeing myself being taken hard against a wall by one of my mates. Anger is clearly written across both of our faces. Who is this man, and how can I let him take me so. Flash after flash, I see myself playing out different roles in my life. Until it finally hits me. I know who I am. Before, I was convinced I was nothing, but in reality, I am everything. I am my people, and they need me just like I need them.

My mind slams back into my body, and I sob out loud, my hands in my face. Sadmir holds me to his chest, and I grip his neck to pull him closer.

"I know you," I whisper over and over. "I know who I am. I know who you are." I start to shake from knowing who I am and what I must do, and it scares me to my core. I knew I could not turn back, but this was the glue that cemented it into my brain. There is no going back. This is who I am. I am the rightful ruler of this kingdom, and I will take it back with the help of my mates and my people. We can take it back if I just stop fighting it.

I lift my head to look at Sadmir, and it feels like I am looking at him for the first time, and he is so beautiful. He wipes away the tears on my face and smiles wide as if the whole world wasn't falling apart but being brought back together. He saw something that I could not.

"Help me understand Sadmir."

"You know who you are Amita you cannot run from this. From me. From us."

"I know but I am so scared."

"Its alright to be scared you just can't let it stop you."

I look deep into his eyes, trying to find his lies, but I find none. He believes every word he says, and it's enough for me to believe in him. Desire pools low in my belly, and it's as natural as it is to breathe, and I let it come. I welcome my desire for Sadmir because he is who I need right now.

I straddle his hips and kiss him slow on his mouth. His lips do not move with mine, and I halt my advances and look at him with confusion clearly written all over my face. For the first time, his smile falls, and he shakes his head before looking away from me.

"Whats wrong? Don't you want me?"

"Of course I want you Amita."

"Then why do you not kiss me?"

"Because you said you did not want to be forced that you wanted to know me before anything happened between us, and I am trying to give that to you.

"I know you Sadmir, you are my mate and I want you. Do you want me?"

"Yes."

"Then have me."

I bend back down and capture his lip with mine, and this time he moves with me. His hands come up to frame my face as mine lay on his chest, gathering the fabric of his top. Sadmir opens his mouth, and I invade it with my tongue, deepening the kiss, and we groan together. My eyes snap open the same time his does, and for just a second, we do not move. Only looking at each other, we do not breathe or speak, and then together, we move to shed each other of our clothes as fast as we can.

I feel as if I have a fever, and the antidote is Sadmir. His skin is next to mine, rubbing against mine and his member deep inside my core. I was a pitiful virgin mere weeks ago, but tonight for the first time, I feel like a queen taking a man in the dead of night under a tree. I feel alive, and the last thing I want to do is stop and judging by the way Sadmir is touching me. He would hate it if I stopped too. A burning sensation begins to build deep in my chest, and I push forward anyway.

"Are you sure you want me Amita?"

"I want all of you. Every piece."

Sadmir grabs his member and starts to tease my little bud. I throw my head back as Sadmir enters me, and fire shoots out of my mouth and into the sky. It is a beautiful flame of blues and oranges, and I am entranced. I feel magic all throughout my being, and I feel powerful. The fire leaves my chest and spreads out into the sky, only falling back down and disappearing into the ground.

I grind my hips against Sadmir as he rolls his, and it feels incredible. I open my eyes, and they lock with Adbay's as he watches us from the porch. I can't help but moan and move faster as he watches me make love to another man. How did I get here? I feel like a dirty w***e, but in the best of ways. I don't regret having Sadmir, and I need Adbay to see that, but his face is blank as he just continues to watch. I welcome him to watch, and maybe one day I can have both of them together. The thought sends me spinning, and I squeeze down on Sadmir, and he groans.

Sadmir lays me down on the grass and climbs on top of me, and starts pumping his hips faster, chasing his pleasure with abandon, and I welcome him to. I thrust my hips up to meet his, and I can hear our skin slapping together, and it is the most delicious sound I have ever heard. Sadmir starts grinding against me, rubbing on my bud until I finally break apart around him. My body demanding more from him until he too finds his release inside me.

A few weeks later

I find myself sitting under the same tree by myself. My body feels strange like it's morphing and hasn't settled on its new shape yet. Now with two chakras unlocked, I have the power of air and fire at my command. Adbay tells me it is more straightforward to master than my spiritual magic, which will come when my mates unlock my other chakras and training. For now, I sit under the tree with a small tornado of wind in one hand and of fire in the other. Swirling around perfectly contained within my palm, it almost feels too easy. All I have to do is think about what I want it to do, how big or even what shape I want it to take, and it gladly bends to my will. Almost like it is happy to see me and to be used by me.

It makes me giggle, and I forget that I am someone of importance, and I am once again just Amita, in this time playing with fire and wind. The back of my neck starts to tingle, and I feel the approaching aura of my mate nearing me, and my pu**y starts to spasm. Adbay warned me this would happen. As my power grows, I feel the need to be filled. I was worried that something would be forcing my feelings for these men, but it is not that at all.

It's like I was locked up in a dark box, only thinking that the box was life. Then life itself happened to me, and I am just learning who I truly am. I was an empty shell, and with each chakra, I unlock a piece of me, something new uncovered. I love it, and I don't feel so empty anymore.

"Amita are you alright? You've been out here a long time."

"How do you know how long I have been out here Adbay I left while you and Sadmir were still asleep."

"I was pretending to be asleep. You've been out here for close to an hour. Did you not sleep well?"

In truth, I feel too wired to sleep. My body is abuzz with magic, and it's making me feel like I am under the influence of solid ale but better. All I seem to want to do is be with my men in a way a true woman can, but I am afraid of telling them so. What if I am too much for them to handle or what if it is not ladylike. I was a virgin weeks ago, and here I am, wanting more even after last night. I am insatiable, and a part of me feels strong for feeling this way, but then another part of me tells me it's wrong.

"I hardly slept Adbay I am just to awake for slumber to find me I guess."

"Are you tired at all?"

"No I have been playing with my magic well more like toying with it. Its like it is an essence all on its own and we are forming a relationship with one another. I am in love with it."

"This is good to hear would you like to start some yoga and spiritual training then?"

I nod my head and get to my feet, eager to start. Adbay takes me through a few warms ups to get my body loose before putting me through a gruesome, almost two-hour-long flow that had chaturangas for days. Adbay says the body needs to be just as strong as the mind. I try to keep that in mind, but it is more challenging when my whole body is aching. My toes even my fingertips feel raw, but even so, I have to admit I feel stronger after every session we do. I feel sexier and more in tune with myself.

It is getting easier not to think and follow the flow instructions until I reach that state of movement meditation that I crave so much. I have to work at it, and I don't enter that state with each flow, but when I do, it is the biggest reward ever because that means my power is flowing out of me and into my people.

We have been staying at Sadmir house for weeks now, training me to get stronger before moving on to my next mate. The next man who will help me find a piece of myself and for the first time, fear is not the first emotion that bubbles up when I think of leaving to find him. I feel excitement at getting to know the man that Spirit has chosen for me. I have seen all their faces, but I do not know who is who. Will they be kind? Will they have secrets? What if one is already married or promised to another?

Strong arms come around my waist and grip me tight as if to shield me from myself, and I sag against Adbay's chest. Every time my mind spirals, he is there to hold me and show me what is true. I love this about him. I feel his solid and smooth arms, and I run my hands up and down them. I turn around and trail my hands up his arms to his neck, and I bite him there on instinct. He shudders and pulls me tighter against his body, and holds me there. This damn tree must be good luck because my men cannot help but have me under it.

I feel eyes on us, and I look towards the house, knowing it is Sadmir watching. I hold his eyes with mine in a challenge. Will he watch as Adbay did, or will he join us? Am I ready to have two at one time? The thought does excite me but am I truly prepared?

Adbay grabs my bottom and squeezes it, and I gasp at how great it feels. My body is sore from the work we just did, but even still, his roughness gets to me.

I pull away from Adbay before I force him to take me. He has succeeded in stopping my spiral, but we still have much work to do. I wish we could spend all of our time tangled up in each other, but we still have a kingdom to take back. People depend on us, people's lives hang in the balance, and we need to stay focused. Adbay nods his head in understanding and sits down, crossing his legs, and pats the spot across from him.

"Let's practice some of your spiritual magic. You have experience movement meditation but now I want you to try to just meditate. This will be harder because it requires you to not think. It takes some time to learn but as I suspect it will not take long for you to grasp the concept."

I take a seat across from Adbay and cross my legs as he has done. I love the dynamic between us. I love that he is like a teacher to me but also my lover. He challenges me and pushes me past my point, and I love it. He makes me weak and robust at the same time. He makes my body ache in so many different ways that sometimes it feels like my head will implode. Like when he is inside me…

"Amita." Adbay growls, abruptly cutting off my train of thought, and I quickly look at him and see that his breathing has picked up. I must have been projecting my thoughts loud enough for him to hear them again. I quickly apologize for losing focus so quickly. Sometimes I really just can't help it. I clear my throat and try my best to focus on the task at hand.

"You want me to just meditate?"

"Yes, this will be hard because you have to clear your mind of all thought. I want you to focus on just your breathing. A full inhale and a full exhale. Your mind will want to wonder and thats natural but your job is to bring your attention back to your breath."

"Alright. What will happen once I succeed at meditating?"

"You will see. With your Manipura chakra unlock you should now have the gift of sight. That can mean a number of things. You could see the future or the past. You might be able to see far away or really close up or a wide range of things, we wont know until you have meditated and found the place within Spirit."

I pounder his word for a moment. With each new power I receive, my chest starts to weigh heavier, but I know I cannot turn back. The more my body tells me to slow down, I push my mind harder. The body will eventually follow the mind.

I close my eyes and focus on my breath. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Over and over, I focus, and every few seconds, my mind starts to think, and I have to force myself to return back to my breath.

I have been sitting and breathing for what feels like an hour before I crack my eyes open, but all I see is black. I quickly close my eyes again and focus on my breath. My heart is pounding, and I am slowly starting to lose myself before I hear muffled voices at a distance. I try to focus on what direction they are coming from. They sound like they are all around me, but they have to be coming from somewhere.

Slowly two figures appear a few feet in front of me in this blackened room, and I try to stop running. I back peddle and fall back on my behind, desperately trying to crawl backward until I realize the men before me cannot see me. They are too focused on each other. It's almost as if they aren't even really there at all. I stop moving and start to pay attention to what is being said.

"I need you to gather the guard and search the kingdom for the slave with magic. If the Vin people start to become aware of her an uprising may happen and then all out war again. I will not have that."

The man talking must be Vipin himself. He stands tall at six heads himself, and by the Spirit, he is a handsome man. He looks much younger than I would have expected, with broad shoulders and thick arms that have clearly seen days in battle.

"I will not loose this kingdom to Kali's daughter of all people. You are the leader of my guard and the best tracker in the kingdom. If anyone can find her its you Sanjay."

I stand to my feet and move around Vipin to look at the man he just called Sanjay, and I am taken back at the face that greats me. This cannot be. How can the enemy be my mate? This has to be a mistake. He is one of the men Spirit has shown me to be my mate. I now have a name for the face. Sanjay. He is mine. I know it. He belongs with me, to me, and I to him. The truth of my own thoughts jar me, and I start to lose focus. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Sanjay's head slowly starts to turn towards me as if he can see me, and he c***s it to the side as if he is trying to understand seeing me as well. My breath stops as we stare at each other. He reaches out towards me, but Vipin slaps his hand down and grabs him by the face forcing him to look at his king.

"Bring me the slave with magic Sanjay. Alive. I will give her the same deal I gave her mother. Be my queen or die."

My stomach starts to knot at Vipin's possessiveness of me, and I have had enough of him. I look back toward Sanjay, not ready to leave him with this monster.

"Amita!" I hear my name being called, and the men before me start to waver in front of me.

"No!" I scream, reaching out for Sanjay, trying to grab him and bring him back with me, but my fingers slip through his body.

"Amita! Come back, you have gone too far its not safe! Come back!"

"Not without Sanjay!" I scream, but when I look back to the spot in front of me, Sanjay and Vipin are both gone, and I feel so hollow. I fall to my knees and cry as I feel my mind being pulled back into my head. When I open my eyes next, Adbay is there, and all I can do is cry harder as he and Sadmir both hold me.