Best kept secrets

Blast from the past

Amelia walked into the surgery at 10am Tuesday morning and saw him sitting there. He didn’t see her but her heart sank in that moment. Wow! He had certainly aged well. His once long blonde hair was now cropped close to his head, his eyes as blue as sapphires and she could see those amazing dimples as he smiled at the baby in front of him. Her heart stopped for two reasons. One she saw very similar eyes and dimples at the breakfast table every morning. She knew there were similarities but she never thought they were this obvious until now and two he clearly had a baby. He had moved on! She scolded herself in that instant, of course he had moved on she hadn’t seen him in almost 10 years, since they were naive teenagers! She had been through so much since then that it felt like another life.

“Jussy” she whispered “I know this looks bad as it’s only my second day here but do you think Sandra would handle my first appointment? I will be forever in her debt. I just… I just… I can’t” the tears she had held back for a decade threatened to fall freely now in front of the stunned receptionist who instantly took pity on her.

“Of course hun. I’ll take care of it! You go get settled in your office and I’ll come talk to you when I get a chance.”

“Thank you Jussy” she whispered again squeezing her plump arm as she quickly ran along the corridor to the safety of her office. As the door closed firmly behind her she leaned back onto it, allowed herself a couple of tears, washed her face and pulled up the notes for her next patient. Luckily her immunisation clinic was non stop until lunch time so she wouldn’t have much of a chance to wallow in the fear and self pity she felt right now. At 10.20 she walked back to the reception area and he was still there rocking a screaming baby. He looked up just as she entered and looked her straight in the eye.

She stood frozen to the spot for a second. A million thoughts running through her mind, a million escape plans she knew were crazy. He held her gaze as the colour drained from his face. At least she wasn’t the only one in shock here! As he started towards her she took the cowards way out.

“Maisie Dawson!” She called into the reception area. A nervous young woman stood holding a pink car seat and started walking towards her. Aware that this opportunity had passed Ross turned on his heel and put his baby back in her car seat. As he adjusted the straps Amelia retreated down the corridor with her patient in tow.

Back in the safety of her office Amelia quickly closed the door and motioned for the woman to take a seat. She stood for a second against the door trying to steady her racing heart.

“Are you ok?” A quiet voice broke her thoughts.

“Yes, of course! So sorry about that” she replied while silently berating herself for her entirely unprofessional demeanour. “So you know why you brought Maisie in today?” She asked with a forced smile as she sat down.

“Yes,” the woman replied uncertainly “ Maisie needs her first round of immunisations”

“And you are unsure about these?” Amelia asked picking up on her tone.

“Well it’s just you hear so many stories about autism and heavy metals and I’m just not sure I want to do them! My husband is dead set on getting them so here we are!”

“It’s so scary isn’t it?” Amelia asked gently placing her hand on the girls arm. She was here to work! This girl needed her, her own issues would just have to wait. “It’s really hard to know what to do for the best but I can answer any questions you have and we can either go ahead and get Maisie vaccinated today or we can let you go home and think it over some more and you can reschedule when you are ready!”

“That would be great”‘the girl answered gratefully.

After her questions were answered and her fears subsided she decided to vaccinate her baby and just as she was on her way out the door she turned back to Amelia.

“I know it’s you Amy” she almost whispered “why did you just disappear?”

Her breath stalled for a second as she looked at the pleading face in front of her “Anna?” She asked with tears in her eyes. The girl nodded. “Wow! Look at you! You are a woman now! I didn’t just disappear. A lot happened up here and so I went to live with my daddy on the mainland for a while. I never stopped thinking of you though, wondering how you’d grown!”

Amelia had been Amy’s babysitter for years. She spent so much time with the little girl that they had joked she was a second mother to her. It hurt Amelia so much thinking this beautiful girl who was about 10 years old the last time she had seen her had thought Amelia had just abandoned her. If she had had any other choice she wouldn’t have left, especially without saying goodbye but she was all out of options by then.

“I heard stories” Anna replied “but I don’t believe everything I hear!” She hugged Amelia adding how happy she was to see her and left the office.

By the time lunchtime rolled around Amelia was emotionally drained. A few more of her patients recognised her too though none of the reunions had quite the same effect on her. She was sitting at her desk, head in her hands when Jussy appeared. Closing the door behind her she placed a tuna sandwich, an apple and a bottle of water in front of Amelia.

“So it seems you have a history sweet girl” she said cheerily. “Who doesn’t? I thought you might want to hide out in here for a bit so I decided to feed you and keep you company. You can talk, I can listen, we can make small talk or sit in silence. The choice is yours!”

“Oh, Jussy!” Amelia exclaimed as the tears which had been threatening all day finally began to fall. “Thank you so much for all of the kindness you’ve shown me”

They sat in silence eating their lunch for a few minutes then Amelia started a story she hadn’t uttered to anyone in almost a decade. She told her about her stepfather’s crimes, her mother decision to choose him over her and the heartache that caused her. She told her about her romance with Ross and how they had planned to run away together. How her heart had broken in two when his sister arrived at the ferry terminal instead of him to inform her he wouldn’t be joining her and she even told her a secret that no one else with the exception of Merida knew! That she had been carrying his child as she boarded the ferry. Heartbroken, penniless and homeless she had left the island and made her way to a father she had met only a handful of times hoping he would take pity on her and allow her to stay until she sorted something out for herself and her baby.

She was pleasantly surprised when her father had welcomed her with open arms. Despite being 18 and pregnant and not having seen him since she was 6 years old they had had a fantastic relationship until he passed away two years ago. He had been a fantastic grandfather to Cole and helped Amelia go back to school and get her nursing degree. They had been incredibly close and she missed him everyday.

She didn’t know why she was telling Jussy all of this she was just so easy to talk to.

“And Ross never knew about the baby?” She asked gently as Amelia concluded her tale.

“No, never! No one knew except a very dear friend of mine. I stupidly thought I might be able to keep his existence quiet for a while with it being the school holidays but now I’m not so sure”

“Why did you never reach out to him hun?” Jussy asked and then scolded herself for being so intrusive.

“No, it’s fine! I thought about it a lot but can you imagine what would have happened? There is no way the lucrative Calder family would want any kind of association with me after what happened with my stepfather. They would have tried to force me to have an abortion or even worse to take my baby away from me. They thought they were better than me before everything happened”

“Things change hun” Jussy said with a shrug. “Money doesn’t make the man”

“I wanted to tell him for so long but he rejected me. I couldn’t bare for him to reject Cole too. And now it’s too late. He’s moved on and…”

“And what? Now he can’t be a daddy?”

“He already is a daddy Jussy. I saw him here with his baby this morning. I could never just spring Cole on them and expect them to play happy families with my son.”

“Oh sweetie!” Jussy sighed pulling my head to her large bosom “that isn’t his baby! I shouldn’t go into too much detail but let me just say no family is entirely free from scandal. I don’t know much about the boy he was but the man he is is one of the best. He’s a very good man. His daddy died a couple of years back and he gave up his life on the mainland to come back here and help his mother with the business. His baby sister had some struggles of her own and she was the one who passed in the car beside nurse Munro on her way to Whitehall”

“Whitehall!” Amelia repeated shocked! Whitehall was the rehab facility on the island.

“Yes, that girl was broken. On and off one substance or another the entire time I had known her. She had finally decided to get her life back on track for the sake of her baby girl when Faye decided to take her life instead. With no known father, or no one who would admit to it at least Ross took on care of baby Olivia and he is raising her with his mother. Like I said, he’s a good man and perhaps one who deserves to be a proper daddy to your boy or at least given the chance. But that is entirely up to you I suppose!”

With one last hug and a pat on the back Jussy left Amelia reeling over her revelations as she returned to her post at reception. The rest of the day was office based for Amelia which she was grateful for. She sent invitations to developmental assessments and arranged home visits for some of the more remote patients filling up her diary for the next few weeks. She thought a lot about what Jussy had said and was wondering if Ross did deserve a chance to meet her precious boy. Packing up for the day she grabbed her handbag and headed out the door. She waved goodbye to the reception staff and spoke with Sandra, the other community nurse who had taken her case this morning, at the door for a few minutes. Sandra worked mainly with older adults but had completed her PGDs so she could help with immunisations etc before Amelia arrived.

As she bid Sandra goodbye and turned towards her car she saw him standing there. Her heart thud in her chest. She was not ready for this.

“Amy..” he started

“No!” She answered dismissively cutting him off before he even began.

“Can we talk?” He begged

“We have nothing to talk about Ross” she answered “oh and my name is Amelia!”

She rushed towards her car but he was right on her heels. He grabbed her arm a little too tightly and she winced in pain.

“s**t! Sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you I just want to talk to you!”

“Always what you want isn’t it?” She answered knowing but not caring that she sounded like a child.

He looked a little wounded as he let go of her arm and took a step back.

“Everything ok here?” Jussy called out as she walked to her own car.

“Yeah fine” Amelia answered using the moment to escape to her car and drive off. She really would need to get a cape and medal for that woman!