Dark Lines

Delusions from Reality

13/February/2021

Hello Peter,

I was a little mad awhile ago, something really annoying has just happened, I broke off the engagement,

I know that you won’t be interested much in this subject, but I feel heartbroken. We didn’t get along so well, our opinions were so different, I know that different things attract, but it wasn’t that kind of difference, it was about the substantial thoughts, his actions, his choice of words and the way he talks to me, and when I tell him that it wasn’t right what you’ve done, or you misunderstood that, he didn’t react well, he always argued with a loud tone, not accepting the fact that he is wrong about this or that. It just didn’t feel right to be with him, I didn’t feel safe and secure beside him, it is because he didn’t try to make me feel that way I guess. I feel unlucky, I didn’t have a relationship with any guy, and when I did he wasn’t true love, and it lasted for seven months only, anyway Peter, take care and stay safe.

-ENAJ-

Peter gulped the last sip of tea while finishing the letter that he snatched this morning from the mail box, he waited to the after noon to read it, because he wasn’t in the mood till now. When he finished it, he felt bad for Jane, she must feel terrible now, it wasn’t like she just met a guy and he wasn’t a match, but she said that they used to love each other, and they got engaged, she definitely had dreams and plans for both of them, she will get a heartache for a while, and she sounded like she was feeling gloomy, she might have a low self esteem now.

He hoped that she can get through this as soon as possible, and that she finds another guy, that will make her happy, and he is still feeling guilty that he couldn’t write her back, if he got that chance, he might be able to make her feel better with consoling words.

Crystal was trying to take the letter, when it was placed on the table, but Peter has snatched it before she can rip it apart, he as always placed it in the drawer, there were five of them now. He wondered if she will keep on sending more, but why did she decide to do that, and how did she trust him after all those years, he might have changed, and on top of all why did she continue sending him, even though he didn’t reply, Peter was glad that she did though, but he was just being curious about this, he guessed that their friendship was really true, to the point that got her to initiate this good deed, and remind him of the days of innocence, during those bitter, gloomy times.

The electricity went off at 7:05 p.m., and half an hour has passed, still no electricity, Peter decided to light the candle because his phone has low battery, and will turn off any minute. Crystal was following Peter anywhere he goes, and he almost stumble upon her, but he managed to pull back himself at the last minute. When Peter lighted the candle, Crystal was curious, and wanted to touch the fire, but Peter carried her and held her still between his arms.

The siren went off as usual, at 9:00 p.m., Crystal covered her face with Peter’s shirt because of the sound, so Peter started petting her, while also feeling creeped out of the sound, so he decided to go sleep early tonight since there is no electricity, and he was bored and feeling sleepy anyway.

He can’t read his book in the dark, and he won’t bother to light a candle for that purpose, but he did finish more episodes from his series earlier during the day, as well as some work that he had to do, so he isn’t totally unproductive, at this time it is just enough to stay alive, and cheerful even a little.

********************

“It is a tough time brother, take care”, Peter said then hung up the phone, he dialed his brother’s phone number after he finished showering and having breakfast, now he is drinking coffee, with Crystal being herself and making noises during the call. Peter was missing his brother, not just him of course, his whole family and friends, he feel really disconnected to them, he sometimes feel that the bond they had might become fragile, but he tries to be as positive and patient as he can.

He wanted to clean the house a bit, that has been looking like an abandoned one for a week now, so some dusting and tidying will be perfect right now. After one hour of house chore, he finished and put some milk for Crystal, then made his lunch, before he finishes another season of the series, there are a couple of episodes left.

At 5:06 p.m. Peter stretches his arms and closed the laptop, he is feeling sleepy, but he doesn’t have naps during the day, he thinks that it isn’t healthy, so a cup of tea will keep him awake and focused, then he wondered if he will find another letter in that mail box, so he went out to check, it was there indeed. He went back inside, made that cup of tea, and if course something for little Crystal too, then he sat in his chair and prepared himself psychologically.

14/February/2021

Hello Peter,

I’m remembering our school days Peter, we were so happy back then, no judgments, no fights, no conspiracies and no gloomy thoughts, just having fun, with positive minds and good deeds. I wish we could be what we dreamt of being back then, I wish we aren’t disappointing the younger version of ourselves, we can’t go back in time, but if our little selves came to this time, we know what will they do, what will they change, what would be right for them, and what’s not. But we always tend to blend in, among the people with opinions that we dislike, their looks towards us, their judgments, we are always worried about these things, and we are afraid too, that if we show them out true selves, that they might scorn it, judge it and bully it, that would hurt us indeed, and would devastate our personality and our confident, for that maybe we aren’t ready to expose our true nature, because

We don’t want to hurt it or lose it.

-ENAJ-

Peter was thinking deep, after he let every word that he read sink in, he felt bitter inside because it was true, even though you might like to expose true yourself, this true version might be fragile, and that personality might be destroyed, or you may lose some traits from it, then you won’t have something private, something that only you knows, that can’t be affected by other individuals, or things in life, they don’t know that it exists, so they can’t try to throw dirt on it, maybe it us more important to stay true to yourself, even if it was only you that can see it and feel it, but it’s true, allowing you to choose the true things, and make the true decisions that suits you, but it won’t be shown by your acts around people unfortunately because it’s not allowed to go out in public.

He looked through the window and saw some vehicles pass while sprinkling sanitizing substances on the streets, Peter hoped that it would help to shorten the period of this lockdown, however he could use some weeks more far from people, and all the madness out there, now everyone can think deep of what he really is, what he did and what he will do, plus it might strengthen the bond between those who truly cares about each other, if they weren’t busy most of the time because it might do otherwise if they were, and they barely took to each other once a month, and when they took it is either brief, or includes arguing and misunderstandings.

He sat on the couch, staring at the television while daydreaming about how the world will be after all of this, what will he do, how will his personality be and will he have interesting events, will some good incidents be awaiting him?, or he isn’t missing anything by just sitting here, doing nothing except passing time, and crossing days off the calendar with his black marker. Will he die, before even having the chance to see what is out there for him now?, will it be too late when he get out?, his friends might be getting engaged to a person, or to a new life that excludes him, while he is here missing all of it, even when a chance comes to him to get out, he gets paranoid from this pandemic, and he gets lazy or he suspects his social abilities, so he pass it.

Peter had his dinner, so did Crystal, then both of them went to the bedroom, where daydreams come to life, even for countable minutes, but it do, it make people feel satisfied a bit, and fill them with hope and happiness.

*****************

The next morning Peter woke up with a migraine, he first sat down quietly on his bed, with his palms covering his face, then he had a shower, after that he made the special remedy for this headache; coffee. He turned off his phone because he doesn’t want to be disturbed, then put some relaxing music on.

Crystal was drinking her milk, then gave Peter the ball to play with it, but he only threw it once since he wasn’t very cheerful today, she understood that, and kept rolling the ball on the ground and following it for a whole hour.

Peter went to the kitchen after he had his lunch, and stared at the sink, that is full of dirty plates and cups. He then decided to start the task, because he won’t have anything to eat in soon, if he doesn’t, so he rolled up his sleeves, and held the sponge.

After a while now, he is almost finished, there is two cups and three forks left, he felt good about himself, he was productive a little, but suddenly he felt something, on his shoulder, something that was pushing his should downwards or leaning on it, he thought for an instant that Crystal has jumped on him, but he checked, there was no one there except him, then this feeling came again, it was like a chin, no it is a chin because he felt breaths on his shoulder, and strands of hair touching his face and neck, Peter doesn’t had a beard unfortunately, so he can’t make excuses, so he turned around slowly while frightened, but he saw nothing, then when he continued washing, he felt something holding him still, but a few seconds later he loosened his grip, then Peter washed his face and his neck, drunk a cup of water and quickly finished washing the cups that are left, then went fast to the living room.

He grabbed Crystal to his lap, and starting petting her, so he could feel calmer, and that she would feel safe, in case she was feeling these weird vibes too. He kept looking around him, and touching his neck, he felt crazy and silly, he wasn’t being the professional, and sane man he usually is, so he thought he might be passing through some stages of hallucinations because he is all alone, with no one to talk to, except himself and Crystal, so he maybe losing his mind, doubting things that he sees, imagining things that aren’t existing, that is the only reasonable explanation for all if that.

He already had his lunch, and now it’s time for the cup of tea, and the episodes journey, so he went to the kitchen to prepare the tea, but stayed alert all the time, looking around him every second, while trying to be quick as much as he can in the process that took five minutes, then he snatched some snacks fast, and got out.

He opened his laptop, to watch five back to back episodes to get his mind off of what he had felt in the kitchen, and he already checked the mail box, that wasn’t containing a thing, so this should be enough to change his mood, and pass some time.

Someone was taken to the hospital just now, he was Peter’s neighbor; Albert, Peter didn’t know him well, just his name, and his job since he used to see him everyday going with a taxi car, he used to work all day, like 12 hour a day because he has four children, and he is the only money supplier in their house. “Poor thing!”, Peter commented, and hoped that it wasn’t something serious, or at least that he get cured soon.

“Watch out, Crystal!”, Peter said, to Crystal that tried to jump on the television screen, the channel was the discovery one, and they were showing the marine life, a documentary that Crystal is enjoying so much. Peter then grabbed her by alluring her with the bowl of food, he brought to her, the color of the food was really good, so she didn’t waste a time, and after she finished, Peter has already finished his dinner, so both if them gave up, and headed to bed.