Everything She's Not

"I've done terrible things."

Gabe and Lilly sit away from each other during their tutoring session. She wants him to want her and she wants him more than she could ever imagine. Lilly glances over at him on the couch while he listens to her reading. Frustrated, she gets up and paces the room, still reading from the book.

After they've read a few chapters, she begins to ask Gabe about the book. His expressions change with each question, until she gets to one that's about the two of them.

"Why do you treat me the way you do?" She asks, fidgeting with her sweater.

"You know why." His tone darkens and his jaw clenches.

"No. I don't." Lilly says, setting the book on the island and checking her phone.

"So, you don't remember giving my brother head when we were 11?" He c***s his head to side ever so slightly.

Lilly leans against the island, ties her hair up into a ponytail, and sighs.

"Would it make you feel better if I gave you head too?" She slowly moves toward him.

"What?! No!" Gabe snaps, shooting up from the couch.

"Well, what do you want, Gabriel?! You want me to apologize?! Too damn bad!" Lilly raises her voice over his.

Mikey hears the commotion and jogs down the stairs, face flushed like he was doing something inappropriate to himself just moments before.

"Oh, great! Now that we're all here, let me explain something to both of you!" Lilly pauses, trying to calm herself.

"I sucked his d**k when we were children.There, I admitted it. You wanna know why?" The guys look from each other back to her.

"Cause I didn't want you to live this life! You just couldn't listen and decided to be some kind of....criminal! Yeah, I'm f****d up and I get turned on from hearing about the dangerous s**t you do. So what? That doesn't mean, I wanted my best friend to be such a violent person! You were so sweet and now..." Lilly stops, thinking about how to word the rest of her sentence.

"...now you're some kind of monster and wet dream wrapped up in one person. I guess when you're raised by a certain type of person, you start to become them!" She glares at Mikey.

She begins gathering her things, slams the book down on the coffee table, and pulls up the Uber app on her phone.

"What are you doing?" Gabe softens his tone, grabbing the phone from her.

"I'm leaving. Graduate, don't graduate. I don't care anymore!" She attempts to snatch her phone from him.

He doesn't let go, so Lilly marches out the front door without it. She continues down the driveway, until she reaches the road. Gabe pulls up beside her as she's walking towards her house.

"Lil! Get in the car!" He hollers from the driver's seat.

She ignores him, and continues walking. So, Gabe parks, gets out, and throws her over his shoulder. Lilly starts pounding on his back with her fists and attempting to get free. He can't help himself. He slaps her jean-clad ass, hoping she'll stop flailing.

She continues, so he spanks her harder. Once she's stopped, he sits her in the car and buckles her seatbelt.

They ride in silence for an hour as he drives out of the little town to his cabin in the woods. His grandma taught him and his brother how to shoot when they'd stay in that cabin and hunt over the winter.

"Where are we?" Lilly says with a pout.

"Grandma's hunting cabin." His tone is very matter-of-fact.

When the car turns off, he locks the doors and turns in his seat.

"I don't like what you did with Mikey. I understand why, but it gets under my skin. The thought of him anywhere near you or inside of you, that's what makes my blood boil." He pauses, waiting for a response.

When no response comes, he continues.

"I've killed people, Lilly. I've done terrible things." He watches her face, "I know you wanted to prevent that, but the "company" would've ended me if I wouldn't have joined. We wouldn't be here together."

Finally, she answers him, "why? Tell me, what reason Mikey would've had to lie and tell me that what I did would save you? I doubt it was even that good." She pauses to think.

"I mean, yeah, I'd been forced to do things like that beforehand. My dad has been having issues with drugs and debt for years. I was around people who could've sold me and not thought about it again, but your brother just told me he wanted head in exchange for your freedom. That was easy, Gabe. A few minutes and a swallow was nothing compared to what you'd have to deal with."

Gabe furrows his brows and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"That's the thing, he just wanted his turn. I was born into this and I'll die, passing it off to someone else. If I ever have kids, I'm expected to pass it to them. It's not just a gang, Lilly. It's organized crime. We run things like the mob."

Lilly's face goes through at least five different expressions, two of which aren't discernable.

"Okay. So, you're saying..." she breathes deeply, "...we can never happen. You can feel however you want, I can feel like I'm dying for your affection, but we can't be serious. We can't have kids in the future. Essentially, we can't be anything."

"Well, that's kinda what I was saying. I was explaining that the few minutes with Mikey meant nothing. I was saying that I wanna explore something because I feel homicidal about you and I always have. But, you have to accept all of me, including my business." He shifts in his seat.

"Including my asshole brother." That last part strikes something deep in his gut. He feels sick to his stomach.

Lilly nods and silently unbuckles, waiting for him to unlock the doors.

"We should finish your work so you don't fail." When he doesn't respond, she reaches over him, unlocks the doors and gets out of the suffocatingly dense space.

Gabe follows her to the door of the cabin. She's zoned out to where she doesn't move out from in front of the door. He has to reach around her to unlock it, pressing his body against hers and feeling her tense at his touch.

Lilly tenses to keep herself under control. She's be happy to lay down on the first piece of furniture in this house and let him have his way with her, but he's not wanting anything long term. She doesn't want to open that can of worms if there will be a time that she'll have to force it closed.

As she's lost in thought, Gabe leans down to her ear and speaks softly, breathing on her and making her skin tingle. "You have to go in, we can't stay out here all night."