Thorns between us

Nineteen: The distance

Drayk's POV

She’s lying.

I know she is.

Dionne’s tells are small. She bites the inside of her cheek. She rubs her thumb over her knuckles when she’s scared.

This morning she did both.

She came back at dawn. Hair wet. Lips pale.

“water,” she said. “couldn’t sleep.”

I was awake. I’ve been awake since she slipped out from under my arm.

I felt the moment the bed went cold.

_Draygon_ was awake too.

`She’s hiding something,` he said from inside my chest. Not out loud. Inside. `Smell it? Fear. Guilt.`

“Dionne,” I said. “you’re shaking.”

“i’m cold.”

It’s not cold.

I pulled her in anyway. Because maybe if I held her tight enough she’d stop lying.

She went stiff. Then hugged me back. Too hard. Like she was trying to memorize me.

`careful,` Draygon whispered, right behind my teeth. `She’s warm. So warm. One bite and—`

“shut up,” I thought back.

When I pulled back she wouldn’t meet my eyes.

“you okay?” I asked.

“i’m fine.”

She’s not fine.

`She’s lying. Again,` Draygon said.

We moved through the morning like strangers.

She made stew. I sharpened my knife.

Draygon sat in my skull the whole time. Watching her through my eyes.

`Look at her hands. Shaking. She’s been somewhere.`

Neither of us talked.

The fire popped too loud.

Every time I looked at her she was looking at the trees.

Not at me. At the trees.

Like she was waiting for something to come out of them.

`Someone’s out there,` Draygon said. `Or she thinks someone is.`

“did someone hurt you?” I finally asked.

She dropped the knife.

“hey,” I said, soft. Hands up. “it’s me. you’re okay.”

“I cut myself,” she said. Picked it up. Cut herself again.

“s**t— let me see.” I crossed to her. Grabbed her hand before she could pull away.

Her skin was cold.

`he’s touching you. do it now.`

She jerked back so hard she stumbled.

“Don’t!”

The word hit me in the chest.

And Draygon laughed from inside me. `See? She’s scared of you.`

I froze. “what?”

“nothing.” Her voice cracked. “I just... I don’t like being touched right now.”

Okay.

Okay.

“i’ll give you space,” I said. My voice sounded like someone else’s.

I walked away. Because if I stayed I was gonna beg.

`Good,` Draygon said. `More room for me.`

She didn’t follow me.

That night we didn’t share a blanket.

Three feet between us.

Draygon filled the space between my ribs. `She doesn’t want you. I do.`

I stared at the fire until it burned down to embers.

“Dionne,” I said.

“mm.”

“do you remember the ball? first time we met? you spilled wine on my boots and laughed and said ‘now we match’ because mine were bloody too.”

Silence.

Too long.

“I— I remember,” she said.

`Liar,` Draygon said. `She doesn’t remember.`

“right,” I said. “me too.”

I rolled over.

Listened to her breathing.

It was wrong. Too fast. Too shallow.

Like she was trying not to cry.

`What did they do to you,` I thought. `Who got to you.`

`Who cares,` Draygon said. `She’s pulling away. You should too.`

I don’t sleep.

Not really.

In the morning I’m up first. Making coffee.

She comes out of the trees like she’s been there all night.

Maybe she has.

“morning,” I say. Flat.

“morning.”

I hand her a cup. Our fingers don’t touch.

She flinches like she thought I would.

We sit.

Across from each other.

Not next to.

“Dionne,” I say.

“what.”

“talk to me. or yell at me. or hit me. just don’t do this quiet thing.”

She smiles.

It’s the worst one. The court smile. The one she used when the advisors were watching.

“i’m fine,” she says. “just tired.”

Liar.

`Tastes like a lie,` Draygon said. `Bitter.`

I nod. Drink my coffee. It tastes like ash.

The hunger is bad today.

It’s been bad since yesterday. Since the elves. Since her.

Usually she helps. She doesn’t even have to try. Just her hand on my arm and Draygon goes quiet.

But she won’t let me close.

“are you hungry?” I ask. Stupid question.

She goes white. “no.”

`She knows what you are,` Draygon whispered. `That’s why.`

I nod again.

`She’s scared of me,` I think. `She saw what I did to those elves and now she’s scared.`

`No,` Draygon said. `She’s scared of me. And she should be.`

I stand too fast. The world tilts. “i’m gonna hunt.”

“okay.”

No “be careful.”

No “come back to me.”

Just “okay.”

`She doesn’t care if you come back,` Draygon said.

I walk into the trees.

I don’t go far. Ten minutes. Twenty.

I punch a tree. Then another.

My knuckles split.

The pain helps shut him up.

When I come back she’s still sitting there.

Staring at nothing.

She looks up when she hears me. And for half a second her face does the real thing.

Relief.

Worry.

Love.

Then she shoves it down.

“get anything?” she asks.

“no.”

I sit. Far from her.

`Good distance,` Draygon said. `Safer for her.`

The sun moves.

We don’t talk.

At night the cold comes back.

She wraps herself in her blanket. Tight.

I do the same.

I hear her whisper something.

Can’t make it out.

“what?” I ask.

“nothing,” she says.

She says that a lot now.

`She’s talking to someone,` Draygon said. `Not you.`

I close my eyes.

Pretend to sleep.

She’s still awake.

I can hear it.

Draygon is too.

`I’m losing her,` I think. `And I don’t even know what I did.`

`You didn’t do anything,` Draygon said. `She just found someone better. Or something worse’.