Four
1148 Words
Tife's mum left and just the rest of us were left.
Tife didn't say a single word to me for the rest of the day. Which, in normal circumstances, would be a blessing. But in this house, silence was suspicious.
She just hovered.
Like a cloud of drama waiting to pour.
When I woke up the next morning, she was already dressed, scrolling through her phone like she owned the room. Not a single greeting. I eyed her and proceeded to ignore her too.
Bolu and Tola were still asleep, and I didn't want to risk small talk, so I quietly grabbed my towel and went to shower.
Today was shopping day. Back-to-school prep. I loved when we used to do that in the past.
We were resuming next week, and even though I hated the idea of leaving my own bed again, I was weirdly looking forward to seeing my old friends at school. Maybe I'd finally feel like I fit again.
Old friends that I didn't bother staying in contact with because I didn't really like them. God, I'm so messed up.
Mom handed us a crumpled shopping list at breakfast.
"We're buying in bulk o. No waste."
"Yes, ma," we chorused.
Tife sat across from me, buttering her bread like she wasn't the reason I now had to share a room and oxygen with a stranger I didn't like.
"Your mummy's travelling?" Bolu asked her, chewing.
"Yeah," she said flatly. "Port Harcourt. Business."
Must be serious if she dropped her daughter off like delivery.
We took off by eight AM.
The supermarket was packed. Every aisle had at least two other boarding school students with their frazzled mothers shouting about price increases.
"Pick your cereal," Mom said, already halfway down the snacks aisle.
I grabbed a box of Cornflakes. Tola went straight for Frosties. Bolu, of course, tried to sneak in Coco Pops.
"Put that back," Mom snapped. "You eat too much sugar. And you're not even resuming yet. You would've finished it before you even get the chance to resume school"
I wandered off for a second, just to breathe. The place was loud and hot and smelled like old cartons.
That's when I saw her.
Anita.
My old friend.
She looked the same-braces gone now, but the same dark skin, pretty face and bouncy energy.
She saw me before I could pretend not to notice.
"Oh my God! Dieko?!"
I froze. Smiled. "Hey."
She ran over, full of dramatic joy. "Wow! Look at you! You've added so much weight!"
The smile didn't even have time to fall off my face.
"Oh... thanks?" I managed.
She laughed, like she hadn't just punched me in the gut.
"No, it's not bad o! You look... healthy."
There it was. Healthy. The word Nigerians used when they were trying not to say fat.
I laughed politely, stomach twisting. "You look great too."
She chatted a bit more, asked about the UK,
"Oh, I went to Germany, not the UK." I said, still smiling, while still looking uncomfortable.
We talked for a while then she got called away by her mom.
As soon as she left, I turned to the mirror near the spice rack and stared.
Did I really add that much weight?
I smoothed my shirt down. Turned sideways.
Maybe a little.
Okay, maybe more than a little.
"Are you coming?" Tola's voice called from the next aisle.
"Yeah," I said quickly, blinking away whatever that was.
Back home, we unpacked all our stuff and started arranging our bags. Soap. Toothpaste. Cereal. Dettol.
The Holy Trinity. I hope I don't forget anything.
I sat cross-legged on the floor, writing my name on my bucket with a marker when Tife came in.
"You're taking this resumption thing seriously, huh?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" I didn't even look up.
She shrugged. "Nothing. Just weird how excited y'all are about going back to prison."
"It's school. We're not exactly jumping for joy."
"Well, you look excited. Like you've been waiting to escape. You are not even grateful for what you have."
I glared at her. "At least I have somewhere to go back to."
Her mouth tightened. She stood up and left.
Ugh.
That was mean.
But also, she started it.
I flopped on my mattress and picked up my phone.
New message. From Cameron.
Cameron 🐻: "Sent you a playlist. Thought of you when I heard the last song."
I clicked the link. The last song was "Butterflies" by Kacey Musgraves.
God. This boy.
I smiled, melting a little. Until I remembered Anita's voice. "You've added so much weight!"
And just like that, the butterflies turned into moths.
Sometimes I liked myself. Sometimes I didn't. Sometimes I felt pretty. Sometimes I wanted to hide under my covers until the world stopped looking.
I wished I could switch off the voices. Anita's. Tife's. Even my own.
I texted back:
Me: "Thanks. You're the sweetest. Playlist's a 10/10."
Cameron 🐻: "You okay?"
I stared at the screen for a while.
Then typed:
Me: "Yeah. Just tired."
And it wasn't a lie.
Cameron🐻: "Aw, my baby. You need to take care of yourself. Are you eating properly? I hope mummy's not stressing you."
Me: "No, actually. I'm having the time of my life. I just went to get my provisions and other stuff. I feel good. Hehe."
Cameron🐻: " Of course, you do. You and food are 5 and 6. I miss you so much. Wish we did plenty of things before you got shipped off ."
Me: "Lol. You and this your food thing. I'd never say no to food though 😂🤚🏼."
Cameron 🐻: "Meh, I know I'm right😏 Send me a pic of you?"
I hesitated for a second, then sent a selfie just my face,I tilted my head slightly and gave a small smile. The lighting wasn't doing me any favours, but I didn't want to overthink it.
He replied almost immediately.
Cameron 🐻: "You're so pretty. Genuinely. I hope you know that."
I stared at the message for a bit. Typed "thank you" and deleted it. Typed "stoppp 😭" and deleted that too.
What I really wanted to say was:
I don't always feel that way.
Not after this morning.
Not after what Anita said.
But I didn't want to seem needy and I didn't want anyone to see me as insecure.
So I sent:
Me: "Thanks. You're sweet."
Cameron 🐻: "I'm serious though. I know you don't always believe it. But I mean it."
Something in my chest tugged a little. I didn't reply right away. Instead, I closed the chat and stared at the screen until it dimmed.
What do I say to that?
What do you say when someone sees you clearer than you see yourself?
I set the phone down beside me and lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
- Writer
