Denying Destiny

Ulan

Ginawa ko nanamang bahay yung Starbucks sa baba ng condo namin.

After taking a bath when Lian left, I went down wearing my gray drape lounge pants, white fitted shirt and I had on my Harry Potter maroon socks. Tinaas ko nalang din yung buhok ko para kumpleto sa pambahay get up. This is my seryosong aral uniform. And buti nalang sanay na din yung mga barista sa baba and sila manong guard.

Halos araw araw na kasi ako dito and I barely go here wearing my business attire. I ordered my usual—venti iced white chocolate mocha with extra shot of espresso and started reading. Masyado akong engrossed sa inaaral ko na hindi ko na namalayan na umuulan na sa labas.

Napatigil ako. I love the rain. It's peaceful and sad at the same time. I love hearing the raindrops over the roof but not so much the emptiness it makes me feel.

Law school was a choice. My choice. Pero dahil masyado nakong busy, parang pakiramdam ko napapagiiwanan na din ako ng panahon. Max has created over 5 award-winning indie films from the time he dropped out. Our highschool batchmates have also been starting to make a name for themselves or was starting to settle down.

Naalala ko yung laki ng mata ni Lian when we got our first wedding invitation from our highschool friend. Mukha syang naiiyak at hindi dahil sa saya para dun sa kaibigan namin. Mas affected sya sa mga ganon, kasi minsan naiisip nya daw kung dapat nag boyfriend nalang sya ng abogado instead of wanting to be one. Alam ko namang bata pa kami, but it makes me wonder what I'm missing out on. And if this is all worth it.

My thoughts uncontrollably drifted off to my college ex, Jack. Kahit dalawa yung naging ex ko nung college, Jack was the one na sobrang nagtagal. Four years kami at yung nauna kong boyfriend, six months lang. Sophomore year nung college naging kami hanggang pagtapos ng first year ko dito sa law school.

Naghiwalay kami kasi he got a good offer sa US kung nasaan din yung mommy nya and kuya. We tried the whole LDR thing for a while (almost a year) pero naramdaman ko na I'm only holding him back.

Palagi akong busy or tulog pag tumatawag sya because of the time difference and I decided na hindi fair kapag hindi sya nagkaron ng buhay don dahil lang nandito ako. Madami akong hindi mabibigay sakanya dahil magkahiwalay kami.

Max agreed with my decision kasi practical naman daw yon. While Lian cried with me nung naghiwalay kami because boto sya kay Jack for me and ang lungkot daw kapag napipilitan ka lang makipag hiwalay.

Dati I often wonder kung ano nang ginagawa nya. If he already found someone or kung busy ba sya sa trabaho, kung masaya ba sya or kung naiisip din ba nya ko. Pero pabawas na ng pabawas yung mga moments na yon. Siguro pag natutulala nalang ako pag umuulan. Kagaya ngayon.

I just shook away my thoughts at nagbasa nalang ulit.

After my coffee, I got up to buy another one. Makaka ilang kape pa kaya ako?

When I was about to go back sa pwesto ko, natigilan ako. May nakaupo na sa opposite chair. Killian? I frowned. He definitely looks different. Magulo yung buhok nya but medyo basa pa kasi mukhang kakaligo lang nya. He's wearing black basketball(?) shorts, plain white shirt and black slippers. He was checking something on his phone kaya di pa nya ko nakikita. Gusto kong magtago pero saan?? Para nanaman akong tanga pag nakita nya ko.

Inayos ko ng konti yung buhok ko at kinagat ang labi para magkaron naman ng kulay. I desperately tried to check my reflection on one of the windows. Naligo naman na ko pero nakakaconscious pa din. Napalingon sya sakin at ngumiti. Now he definitely looks young. How can he be that good looking habang nakapambahay??? It's not f*****g fair.

Tinaasan ko sya ng kilay. "Good morning." I greeted while I sat down and natawa sya. "Halata ba masyado?" He asked. "Di naman, may muta ka lang." I joked but he still checked if meron. No wala kang muta, perfect ka diba? I discreetly looked at my watch. 1:43pm. Late pala sya bumabangon pag Sabado. So what Stacy?! Don't keep track!

"Kumain ka na?" He asked. And I shook my head. Pag nagaaral ako, nakakalimutan ko na kumain kasi nakakabusog na din yung kape. "Kain tayo mamaya after ng kape mo." He casually said. Whhhaaaaa.

I probably looked surprised kasi natawa sya ng konti. "Bakit di ka ba kumakain?" He followed up. "Kumakain syempre. Nakakalimutan ko lang." I answered. Not wanting to sound like nagugulat ako sa pagyaya nyang napaka casual lang. As if magkaklase lang kami.

"Ganyan din ako dati." He commented while he took out his laptop from his bag and powered it. Talagang dito sya pepwesto? "Di kumakain?" I asked as I cleared out some space on the table for him para di naman sya mukhang nakikisiksik lang. Bakit ako kinakabahan?? Kasi first time kong mag aral sa harap ng ganito ka gwapong lalake??

"Hindi. Adik sa kape at pagaaral." Tinaasan ko sya ng kilay. Well di naman sya mali don. "So, mag aaral ka din ba ngayon or midterm exam na namin yang ginagawa mo?" I joked and pretended to look at his laptop. He laughed and almost said something. I just ignored it kasi if not, I'll just obsess over what he almost said.

"Umuulan din kasi." I pointed at the obvious. Di ko din kasi alam kung makakakain ako ng kaharap sya. Am I still going to make excuses? "So? May payong ako." He shrugged. "At ikaw wala." He continued. "Saka medyo pambahay yung suot ko kung di mo pa napapansin." I looked at what I was wearing. Di na ko nahiya kasi nakita naman na nya ko ng ganito yung suot. Mabuti nang masanay na sya. Awow ka Stace. Aaraw arawin nyo ba to?

"Nice socks by the way." He smirked while typing pero di sya tumitingin sa paa ko. Gusto ko syang lokohin na tinitignan nya pala ako pero I don't think it was an appropriate hirit.

"Well, I can't always wear sequined tops and high heels." I retorted. "Yeah too bad." He commented again not taking his eyes away from his laptop. Na buti nalang because I'm already blushing like hell. Pwede ng matunaw ng mainit na pisngi ko yung yelo sa iced coffee ko nung uminom ako. Di ko alam kung babagalan ko ba or bibilisan kong uminom.

"Teka, are you judging what I always wear??" Napatigil ako at siningkitan ko sya ng mata. Bwiset tong gwapong lalakeng to. Na palaging perfect. Sumimangot sya. "Of course not. Bagay lang talaga sayo yung suot mo kagabi. It was...different." He answered looking at me directly as if na offend ko sya (Oo sya pa yung mukhang offended) but slowly plastered his boyish smile. Haaaa he just complimented me!! Gago!!! Pota restart your f*****g heart Stacy!

"Don't hate on the socks." Sinimangutan ko nalang sya para itago yung kilig ko at nagsimula na ulit akong mag basa not looking at him. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." He almost whispered but made sure I heard it in a teasing tone and napangiti ako ng konti. Obviously, kinikilig.

Why do I suddenly feel na double meaning yon??? Pota ka Stacy tumigil ka nga!

Eto na nga ang sinasabi ko. Girls, lalu na yung mga nasa law school, wag magaaral kasama ng gwapong lalake. I've been re-reading the same f*****g paragraph from my book for thirty minutes now! And highlighting everything. I was concentrating hard on how not to look at him every two minutes. So ang ginagawa ko nalang napapatingin ako sa paligid ko so nawawala din ako sa binabasa ko. Lord help.

"Wag ka manood ng mga tao." He told me not looking up from what he's typing. Tangina pati yon alam nya. "May third eye ka ba?" Hirit ko and he just grinned, finally looked at my frowning face at kinindatan ako. Uggggh gwapo ka naman kahit di mo ko kindatan! Kung nakatayo siguro ako, nalaglag na ko.

Minasahe ko yung sentido ko at pumikit, willing myself to concentrate. Pag bukas ko ng mata, he was looking at me. He looked over to my coffee na nangalahati na. "Tara." He closed his laptop. OMG tara saan??? Tangina Stacy ang sabaw mo! I looked at him questioningly. "Kailangan mo na kumain di ka na makaconcentrate sa ginagawa mo." He shrugged and nilagay nya yung laptop nya sa leather messenger bag nya. Buti nalang he's attributing my lack of concentration sa gutom at hindi sa presensya nya. Di nalang ako nagreklamo because he's probably right.

I began clearing my books and highlighters and cases and nilagay lahat sa book bag ko. Nahuli nya kong nakatingin pa rin sa bintana dahil umuulan pa din. Pinagiisipan ko kung aakyat ba ko sa unit para kumuha ng payong ko.

"Papayungan kita, wag kang magalala." He smiled and stood up. He also held out his hand. Haaaaa? Gusto ba nyang hawakan ko yung kamay nya?? Nagtataka kong tinaasan ng kilay yung kamay nya. "Akin na yang iPad mo para di mabasa." He chuckled. I made a face but handed it to him anyway. Para kang tanga Stacy. May point naman sya. He stuffed my iPad sa bag nya then closed it. Tumayo na din ako.

"Saan mo gustong kumain?" He turned to me and smiled. Uggghhhh stop smiling at me! Or not. My momentary distraction made me look like parang nagiisip lang ako. I looked out to the nearest na kainan sa tapat namin. "Burger King nalang." I dismissively said. "Hmmm. Mahilig ka ba sa fast food?" He asked di pa sya gumagalaw sa kinatatayuan nya. Mukhang ayaw nyang mag Burger King.

"Well, gusto ko talaga ng ramen pero umuulan and wala namang malapit. Puro fast food lang din malapit dito." I shrugged. Di nya alam na nabubuhay kami ni Lian sa McDelivery halos araw araw at sa delata. "Di naman kailangan sa malapit e." He smiled finally moving towards the door. Tangina mag jejeep pa ata kami.

Napatigil sya sa pintuan. "Take off your socks, mababasa yan." He reminded me and kinuha nya yung payong nya sa rack and he shook his head dun sa guard. I totally missed something.

Tinaas ko isa isa yung paa ko para hugutin yung mga medyas ko and quickly stuffed them inside my book bag.

Binuksan ng guard yung pintuan para saamin and nagbukas na din si Killian ng payong. There was barely any space for the both of us so nakasiksik ako sakanya para di ako mabasa at tinaas ko din yung drape pants ko para di sumayad yung laylayan sa tubig. Ang lapit talaga namin dahil nakadikit na yung buong right side nya sa braso ko. I can feel the heat on my cheeks.

Naglakad sya pero nagulat ako na hindi papuntang BK pero papunta sa entrance ng condo. Okay baka naisip nyang masyado kaming close sa ilalim ng payong kaya hahayaan nya kong kumuha ng sarili kong payong. Kakahiya. So medyo napalayo ako ng konti sa kanya. "Wag kang magpaulan, Stacy." Again, with amusement on his voice. Or baka normal lang nya talaga yon?

To my horror, he shifted the umbrella sa left hand nya and hinila nya ko palapit sa kanya using his right arm. Pag nahimatay ba ko, sasaluhin nya ko? Kaya ko to, konting hakbang nalang! My heartbeat was betraying me. Pasalamat nalang na hindi nya yon naririnig.

Nag pagpag kami sa lobby entrance ng condo. I couldn't let go of my drape pants because my Havs were completely soaked. He took my book bag pero I tried to take it back dahil nahihiya ako, but he wouldn't let go. Binigay ko nalang kasi nagsisimula ng tumingin yung receptionist.

"Good afternoon, sir...and maam." She smiled sweetly at him and di man lang ako tinignan nung babae. He just nodded and turned to me again. Yup, walang kawala lahat ng babae sa charm nya. Umirap nalang ako. "Tara." We walked towards the elevators. Naisip ko I can just quickly change into pants or shorts.

But instead of going up, he pressed the button for parking. Tumaas dalawang kilay ko sakanya. "Di ba gusto mo ng ramen? Nagcrave din ako nung sinabi mo." He smiled widely. "Di man lang tayo magpapalit?" I asked. He shrugged. "Wala namang panget sa suot mo. Unless gusto mong mag suot nung katulad ng suot mo kagabi." Biro nya and I made a face. So, what I was wearing last night made an impact on him? Di nya makalimutan e. Hoy Stacy! Stop. Wag kang feeling.

"Well sabi nga ni Lian, kung pwede lang ganon yung itsura namin araw araw." Naalala ko yung sabi ni Lian. "Wag na, baka atakihin yung mga kaklase mong lalake." He smiled slyly.

Namula nanaman ako but not because of imagining our male classmates. Wala naman akong pakielam don. Kinilig ako dahil naisip pa nya yung magiging reaction ng mga yon sakin. Buti nalang nauna na syang maglakad papunta sa kotse nya. Ano kayang kotse nya?

He took out his keys from his bag. Medyo nakakatawa yung itsura nya kasi he was also wearing my Cath Kidston book bag refusing to give it to me, as well as his bag. The contrast made me smile.

He opened the passenger door for me, being the gentleman that he is, on his black shiny Montero Sport and I checked my Havs if matino ng isakay sa kotse nyang kasing gwapo nya. "Okay lang yan Stace." So I climbed up and he closed the door. I inhaled his scent on his car. Pwede bang tumira dito? Or patulog kahit isang beses lang.

He placed our things sa likod then climbed on the driver side. He gave me a box of tissues so I can dry off whatever I still need to dry off and he started the car.

God I can't believe where I am right now. Lian and Max will flip. Like my heartbeat right now.