Midnight Pretenders (BL)

Chapter 46

 “Where should I turn?” I asked again, aiming for another reply.

“Just drive straight. I’ll let you know if you have to.” She just coldly remarked.

Normally, in these kinds of situations, I would never try to make efforts in starting up trivial conversations again. In the past, all the women I had used to flirt with had never been this withdrawn and aloof with me. They never gave me a hard time figuring out what they really wanted and how they want things to work out. But this was totally different. This very rare moment with Nari does not even really measure up to those past affiliations I had before. Despite the bland and unreceptive atmosphere with her, I still felt a burning urge to desperately seek for any possible way just to get her interact with me. Yet no matter how much I proved myself through my attempts and hard efforts, I still kept failing and even making things worse to the both of us.

It was pathetic.

I could not even determine where and how I went wrong. All I ever really wanted the whole time was to know more about her. I just wanted to see a different side of her that could give me atleast a clue of what kind of person she really was beneath that cold front. But things just don’t go well with me. So maybe what they really say about love was right, after all. Romance is really just too complicated to explain. And I think I’m now finally starting to understand how complicated it truly was.

“You know lately I’ve been thinking that driving at nights is way better than driving at days,” I rambled on for no reason, trying to keep the words flowing out of my mouth—which was kind of lame of me, but I was already writhing in frustration just to filter down the coldness seeping between us.

“I really hadn’t gotten to do it like this before. Usually, I have a driver and a couple of bodyguards with me, anywhere I go. My parents had never really let me leave without someone accompanying me. It had been a total bother, but I never really complained about it since it had its own perks too. But now, after I finally got to be just by myself for real, I’ve discovered a lot of enjoyable stuffs that I could do alone—just being completely independent. And it actually felt much better than having someone around to keep me company all day. That’s why I don’t really think being alone is too sad and demented. And everybody should really try it once in a while. You know? Stuffs that you can fully enjoy by yourself. Traveling, eating, or—”

“So you’ve ran away from home?”

“What?”

I was caught off guard when she suddenly spoke in the middle of my chattering and I choked my word out as I quickly shot her a look, dumbly wondering to myself if she really did say what she just said to me.

“You said you used to have someone accompany you everywhere, but now you’re all by yourself. And maybe it was because you felt a little liberated that you think it was very enjoyable for you to be alone. But I don’t think I would ever really understand your point,” She remarked with a distant voice, her face still turned towards the window beside her, “I just assumed that you’ve ran away from your rich life to be by yourself because it sounded like you’re completely done with having someone with you all the time.”

-

TWENTY ONE

‘…Completely done with having someone with you all the time…’

When she said it like that, I slowly began to view myself in a different light. It never really occurred to me before. I never even tried to see it that way… But something in her words just got me instantly changing my whole perspective. Maybe she was right…

I was just completely done with all of it.

I quietly mulled over the very idea, feeling a little bummed out. And the more I seriously thought about it, the deeper I was pulled back to a quick rehash of my past: the things I’ve done, the days I had spent, just searching. And all I ever saw in there was my old self constantly wasting my life away for nothing.

It kind of hurt, to be honest. Because I can’t really deny the whole insignificance of my selfish troubles. I was just an old pathetic spoiled brat who kept yearning for more and just took everything in his life for granted. All the marvelous possessions, the luxury, my family’s name, the cars, money, clothes, education, and all other grandeur commodities of being a Takagi. I just treated them like they were nothing but mere customary necessities to sustain my frivolous lifestyle.

Was that the reason why I was feeling empty all this time? Because I never really wanted any of it? Because it felt like I can do nothing much in this world when I already have everything I needed? Is that it?

How entirely dense. When other people had been struggling for survival to live in this world, I was in my own little dimension, feeling like I was unwanted and empty just because I could not figure out what to do with my life. What a ridiculous pointless dilemma to even think about. And I suddenly felt angry with myself. It was an ugly truth and a big hard slap to wake me up from such a sordid reality I called my life.

Troubled by this sudden realization about myself, I hadn’t even realized that I had also gone quiet after hearing Nari’s remark.

But what else could I say? I’m not really sure what to tell her after that. Just when I had finally seen it all like that, how can I ever really defend myself from the truth?

I just feel very peeved and disappointed. 

“Pull over to that corner.”

In the midst of my misery, I heard Nari softly speaking from her seat as I impulsively slowed down to a sidewalk that she had pointed with her finger. I pulled the handbrake as we pulled over to the side of the road and I didn’t say anything else. The car kept running with the vibrating sound filling the air over us as I gazed through the windshield. I was still in a daze filled with my guilty feelings as I waited for Nari to say anything. But knowing her, she would probably just get out of the car without any other word…

“I’m sorry.”

The whispered apology startled me at once and my head quickly angled towards Nari, frowning to what she just said.

“Why are you saying sorry?”

“I might have said something wrong,” she explained in a regretful tone, “You went awfully quiet after I said things about your life. Maybe I had crossed a line there or something. So, sorry if I really did.”

Her withdrawn response was too surprisingly frank that I didn’t even had the time to fully process it all. Soon after, I found myself smiling and chuckling bitterly as I thought about how weird our conversation had ended up. Nari still kept her silence but I could still feel her eyes on me as I tried to focus my sight on the view of the empty road before me.

She was truly just something… And it kept me more interested about her. I still could not figure her out. But maybe that’s one reason why I feel like I just fell even more in love with her now. No matter how many times she would run and try to push me away after this, I don’t really think I could ever really step back from getting closer to her.

“So… Is that your house?” I distractingly changed the topic in a casual note. But instead of reacting the way she always did with me, Nari just went meek and immediately removed the seatbelt across her body.

She quickly opened the door on her side and got out without saying anything else. I was too stunned with what just happened that I remained frozen on my seat as I watched her leave. It took me a few more seconds to finally get back to my senses. And when I did, I was tempted enough to honked back at her but quickly thought of stirring up the entire neighborhood and how it might end up adding more to the hostility I have already received in this town. So, I chose to roll the window down on my side instead and gently stepped on the gas.

Nari continued to walk across the two-lane road before me and took a turn towards a rundown bungalow by the corner. I drove slowly to follow her behind and leaned out of the window to talk to her.

“Is this where you really live?” I asked again, slowing down as Nari marched up to the front of the house she was walking ahead. But she just ignored me.

“Can I visit you here again?”

“Go away, please.” She suddenly grumbled back in a louder voice, still not daring to turn around.

“You’re really not going to let me walk you to your house?”

“No.”

I just smiled to that quick response despite the strong rejection. Maybe, I am a masochist after all. I seemed to really like her feisty attitude and the scowl she kept shooting towards me. And driven by a sudden impulse, I quickly put the car to a halt by the front of her house and opened the car door on my side to trail her behind.

“C’mon. Just up until the front porch.”

When she felt me approaching, she quickly turned around and glared at my face.

“I already told you to leave, why are you still here?”

“I’m staying for a week.”

That was not what she had asked about but I still said it.

“What?” she frowned at me, looking appalled over my revelation, “Why?”

“Let’s go on a date.” I offered instead which only made her even more furious.

“What?!” she repeated again, but with a scarier and much darker expression, “Why?”

I ignored her rage and just grinned.

“Is that a yes? Or a no?”

“What is this all of a sudden?” she demanded back, her face scrunching up in fury. She paused and stood before me, just a mere meter away from where I stopped. And I somehow felt extremely pleased with myself for getting her full attention.

“Was that a yes?”

“Stop it,” she bit back, scowling harder, “I’m not going on a date with you.”

“Then I won’t leave.” I teased back, shrugging as she let out a grunting noise.

“Why are you forcing this to me? I’ve got no time to flirt around, okay?” she angrily complained, “So, leave me alone. Leave this town already, will you?”

“That’s still not a yes.”

“Ugh,” She groaned loudly. And I found it kind of cute. Then she started to turn around again and walked away. “Forget it.”

“Good night, Nari.” I said to her back as she slowly ascended up the front porch to open the door of her house.

“Go away.” Those were her last words before she finally closed the door on me, leaving me alone on that quiet and dark neighborhood. I still remained standing there just until I saw a light blinking open from one of the windows of her house. I quickly assumed that it was Nari. And I smiled, wondering if she was still thinking about my offer. I lurked around the front yard of their rundown bungalow for a few more moments, musing (and maybe quite overextending the stay) and soon turned back to walk to my car after uttering one last remark before I left.

“See you soon, Nari.”