Midnight Pretenders (BL)

Chapter 15

When you fall in love with someone, you become more deeply aware of that person, his habits, his actions, his expressions, even if that person isn't there right next to you all the time. It just happens. Your thoughts, your actions, your feelings—they would be affected. And before you know it, your mind and heart will both be just filled with the thought of that person you love.

It's unreasonable. A truly irrational attraction that will make you lose reason and logic, yet you never try to resist it. You never let go. Love will just be as boundless and as riveting. But once the painful reality of discovering that this idea could also bring you to a downside: with it being imperfectly unfair at certain times—unrequited feelings and foolishness to see the truth; you soon realize that accepting the feelings of love could also destroy a part of you.

A part of you that had hoped it could somehow become mutual in the end. But it didn't, and you just got your heart shattered.

It's much more terrifyingly brutal and harsh the moment this rejection happens. It's something that no one wanted to happen when they first fell in love, but most of us were already aware that it was possible. Because once you fall in love with someone, you should also bear in mind as well, that it does not assure your happiness all the time. Love isn't a constant phase of giving and receiving equal weights of feelings towards the end. It won't be just fluttering feelings and sweet thoughts that you would enjoy every single day, and no matter how beautiful and fulfilling it can be, it can still stab you in the chest.

Because the truth is, love could also more likely ruin your very idea of "happily ever after's" that you have first believed from reading childlike love stories in the past. And in this case, Dawn knew it all already. She saw this coming. She wasn't ignorant. Even way before, she had been confronted by this painful reality... She already knew her feelings might fail their purpose. And yet, she still felt her heart unprepared for such a setback.

"What are you two talking too secretly about, huh?"

Waking up from her reverie, Dawn slowly pulled back and distanced herself from Theo, who had been leaning over her quite closer than needed. She turned her face to stare up at the sight of Shiela, standing before them, who came popping up at the very right moment. That was a good interruption. And Dawn felt relieved that she appeared. She had been feeling utterly pressured and suffocated already while having to keep a straight face after facing the painful truth from Theo.

He was in love with Serena. That was the truth now and she can never unknown or unthought it anymore. This was horrible.

So when Shiela took the vacant chair across the table, Dawn shifted on her seat to move further to the other side, putting more space between her and Theo. And she found it easier to deal with the overwhelming emotions brimming inside her as she felt it slowly dissipating down while she tried to compose herself silently. Theo, who clearly didn't want to share the subject of their secret conversation with Shiela, just cleared his throat and tried to shrug it off.

"It's nothing," he even said to Shiela, but it only made her curiosity grew as she leaned over the table.

"Doesn't seem like it to me, Theo," Shiela grinned back mischievously.

"Well, even if it isn't. It's none of your business," Theo said frankly, not even hiding his contempt.

"Oh, come on," Shiela rolled her eyes at him, brushing off his scornful response, saying, "Just tell it. It's about last Friday, isn't it?"

At the mention of that, Dawn involuntarily tensed from her seat, failing to hide that it hit the mark closely. And that quickly got Shiela looking more interested as she shot Dawn a raised brow before glancing back at Theo, who was now scowling at her.

"What's this?" She pressed on, diverting her eyes from Theo back to Dawn, then back to Theo again, "Are you two trying to sort out what happened after you two kissed? Is this another birth of the 'spin the bottle' couple again?"

Somehow, Theo felt even more dreadful after hearing such a ridiculous assumption. Shiela wasn't really one to back down even when it's pretty obvious the awkwardness was just making it more unbearable for both of him and Dawn. But he simply just kept his silence and disappointingly shook his head at her from across the table.

Then, he turned to Dawn and just said, "Let's just talk later. See you after class."

Grumbling a farewell, he took off and didn't even dare to look back again as he walked his way out of the cafeteria. Dawn slowly peered up and watched the view of his back disappearing through the crowd of students. She soon let out a long sigh, but she wasn't really sure if that was for relief or hopelessness.

"You don't look happy," She then heard Shiela commenting after a moment and Dawn flitted her gaze towards her friend, merely smiling a bit.

"It's really nothing," she told her while looking down with sad eyes, "He just asked me for some simple favor."

"Favor? What favor?"

"Nothing special," Dawn lied through her teeth, softly adding, "It's just some research paper."

She tried to bite back the tears. She didn't want to accept the rejection yet. She wanted to think she didn't really hear anything of what he just said to her a while ago.

Dawn felt even more dreadful when the classes ended that day as she walked out of the school building and parted from her friends. Serena was going to share a ride with her stepbrother, Zach. Francis and Shiela were going to hang out first to finish some paper they were partnered up in one of their shared classes. As Dawn hit the pavement, waiting for Theo to show up as he promised, she tried to talk herself into it despite the feeling that it would only further rub salt to her heartache.

Then, after a few more minutes of just standing there, staring into the distance, Theo finally arrived, looking as handsome as ever, his short hair brushed up by the strong winds blowing as he smiled at the sight of Dawn. He gently gestured his head at her, to which Dawn involuntarily returned with a mirrored smile on her face. He's so dreamy, that was all she could foolishly think to herself as she stepped towards him.

Then he endearingly put a hand over her head, the same habit he would always do with her ever since they were kids, because he was always too tall and acted more brotherly around her. Dawn, on the other hand, reveled in the moment's sweetness, but she knew it was nothing more than just filial affection. And she inwardly scolded herself for even trying to think this was sweet and she chuckled softly as they started heading in the direction of their neighbor.