Second Chances

Five for Silver...

I walked along side Arduous for a long time, drifting between mistakes and wrong doings. Things I wished I hadn't have to see ever again, things that made me shrivel up inside. Yet on the rare occasion, he'd show me a happy moment. It was a strange event, as he'd get this look in his eyes. Like he was dreaming of something. Every time I saw this, I would wonder how many times he's seen lives like mine. Sift through each and every memory, just to tear out the bad ones for display. Why was he now revealing some kind of soft side, I had wondered. Why now, of all times?

"Mr. Bennet. I have a query."

It was sudden. A strange thing to say, well at least strange for Arduous. He'd never suggested he didn't know everything, always trying his best to keep up this act of him being superior. Yet, this once, he was willing to break it, for some simple question.

"What is it like to be human?"

Did I say simple?

I meant really f*****g complicated.

"I..." I had begun, unsure and hesitant on how I should answer. I was sitting on a rotting wooden bench, enjoying one of the few rests he gave me from the relentless onslaught of memory after memory. By that time, it had felt like I had been there for years. "Well... its unpredictable. Yet predictable at the same time..." I struggled for the right way to describe it. Arduous was listening intently, staring at me, which only made me squirm uncomfortably even more. "I mean... well... Every second, we are bombarded by sights, sounds and smells. Every one of these creates countless feelings." I stood and tapped my head. "Along with these feelings, comes countless thoughts. Yet despite this, people can still be predictable." I shrug my shoulders. "Being human is being the living example of ordered chaos." Arduous nodded, his eyes full of wonder for a moment. But only a moment.

I stand now within a dark apartment. Sobbing coming from behind the closed door, along with soft words being spoken. "Please... Randy..." I pause as I hear this voice. This all too familiar voice. I reach to the door. "He... He hurt me..." I grab a hold of the door knob. I felt a skeletal hand on my shoulder. Arduous. He looked... he looked like he was pitying me. "Can..."

"What you will see beyond that door... we are nearing the end. I believe you will not enjoy the sight you are given." He seemed urgent. Like he was... scared.

"Can you..."

I push open the door, ignoring Arduous and his warning. Just in time to see the end.

"...Help me...?"

I saw myself, sitting on the edge of my bed. My old, second hand bed. With my sister practically sitting on my leg, sobbing and snotting all over my neck. I looked calm at first glance. However, within my eyes, I could see an emerging hunger. A light that should never of been lit. A desire that I had let control me. I didn't say it out loud of course, didn't want to corrupt my sister even further. But the thought was doing rounds within my head, never stopping and never ending.

"I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him."

At this point though, I had started to sing a song, a nursery rhyme that we both loved and both had sang every time before going to bed...

"One for sorrow...

Two for joy...

Three for a girl..."

She joined in, quietly.

"Four for a boy...

Five for silver...

Six for gold...

Seven for a secret..."

I whisper the last line to myself. Finishing it before them, as my voice was the only one I had listened to at this point. I felt sick, my stomach doing turns as I soon realised what was coming next. What mistake I had made. The last one I would ever make. The blood of a child on my hands.

"Never to be told."