Defending Hayden

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Derek

The only time I’d visited Brianna’s grave was the day of her funeral, but I’d been too f****d up to remember how I even got there. The walk to her gravestone was enough to rip my heart apart. No wonder I didn’t want to feel. I could barely f*****g breathe. The yellow lilies in my hand were her favorite. Every time I pissed her off, all it took was a bouquet of them to make her happy. It didn’t matter what I’d done, she’d always forgive me once she found those on her doorstep.

However, it’d take a million lilies to get her to forgive me for what I’d done recently. I could only imagine what she’d say if she knew I’d spent most of my nights getting f****d up and screwing countless women. She’d be disgusted. Hell, I was disgusted with myself. The closer I got to her grave, the harder it was for my legs to move. After eight months of hell, it was time I faced her.

Swallowing hard, I knelt down and placed the flowers on the ground. I looked around, but the cemetery was desolate. There were no sounds other than the birds chirping in the nearby trees and the wind whistling through the branches. I almost convinced myself I could hear her laughing—the same laugh that had caught my attention when she’d joined the Carolina Cougars cheerleading squad a couple of years ago. I’d give anything to hear her laugh just one more time.

Clouds started to roll in and thunder rumbled in the distance. It was a typical summer day in North Carolina. The storms could sweep in and then move out in a heartbeat. That was how I felt, tossed back and forth. Bowing my head, I rested my hand on her gravestone.

“I’m sorry, Bri. I know no amount of flowers and apologies will make up for what I’ve done. I’m not making excuses other than I’ve missed you so goddamned much. I didn’t know how to handle it, especially after . . .” I stopped and closed my eyes, clenching my hands into tight fists. “After I lost not only you but our child as well,” I finished. My throat closed up and I let the tears fall. I never f*****g cried, but it was the first time I’d let myself truly feel since she’d been gone. The thunder vibrated the ground, but I didn’t want to leave. If I got struck by lightning, I didn’t care; I had to ask for her forgiveness.

“I love you, Brianna, but it’s time I let you go. I don’t want to, but I have to face the fact that you’re not coming back, that I’ll never see your face again. You believed in me, and now I have to believe in myself. I just hope you can forgive me for all the stupid s**t I’ve done.”

The rain started to fall, but when I looked up at the sky, the clouds broke and a ray of sunshine shone through. Maybe it was a sign, or it could simply be our sporadic weather. Either way, I had to believe anyone could be redeemed, and I was going to make damn sure I worked hard to achieve that for myself.

I had just arrived at the Carolina Tavern and parked my truck when a text came through on my phone.

Evan: You’re not standing me up, are you?

Me: Keep your panties on and watch the front door.

I got out and headed toward the entrance, pocketing my phone. I opened the door, expecting to see Evan waiting for me at the bar. He was there, but he wasn’t alone; the whole damn football team was there. What the f**k were they doing?

“It’s about time you showed up,” Evan teased, putting his arm around me.

Winking, Cooper came up on my other side and stood in front of the door, blocking it. “Just in case you try to escape,” he said.

“What is this?” I grumbled.

Evan waved a hand at the room. “It’s a party. Well, an intervention, actually. All the guys have been dying to see you.”

Huffing, I glared at him and Cooper. “You had this planned, didn’t you?”

They looked at each other. “Not exactly,” Cooper admitted. “None of us knew when you were coming back. We were just prepared for when you did. The guys want you back on the team, and I don’t think they’re going to let you leave tonight until you promise you’ll show up for practice tomorrow.”

“What are they going to do if I don’t?” I asked loudly, so everyone could hear. Some of the guys smirked and cracked their knuckles, but it was Chris Waters, our biggest and best defensive lineman, who burst out laughing.

“Keep it up, McLaughlin. There’ll be hell to pay if you don’t show up. I’m not afraid of your sexy a*s,” he teased, marching toward me. Evan held me in place while Chris wrapped his arms around my waist, lifting me in the air. Guffawing, he squeezed me with all his might and then set me down. “Damn, dude, it’s good to see you.”

Chris was another of my closest friends. We were the jokesters out of the crew. Hopefully, he’d kept them in good spirits while I was gone.

“It’s good to see you, too,” I croaked, struggling to breathe. He let me go and dragged me to the bar where Grayson, co-owner of the Carolina Tavern, stood waiting for us. He held out his hand and I shook it.

“Long time no see, D. Welcome back.”

I chuckled. “Thanks. I have to say, I missed this place.”

“It missed you, too. There hasn’t been as much laughter in here since you left.”

“That’s going to change,” Chris announced, chugging down the rest of his beer. He waved his hand in the air, grabbing everyone’s attention. “The first round is on me!”

The guys hooted and piled up at the bar, but Grayson acknowledged me first. “What’ll it be for you?”

“Just water, please.”

Nodding, he poured a glass and passed it to me before working on the rest of the orders.

Chris’s smile faded and he sighed. “f**k, I’m sorry, D. I should’ve known better.”

Shrugging, I held the water in my hands. “It’s okay. I just think it’s best that I stay away from alcohol for a while.”

He slapped me on the shoulder. “I understand, brother. Just feel free to kick me in the a*s if I ever do anything stupid like this again.”

“You do realize that’s all the time, right?”

His gaze narrowed, but then he smiled. “Jackass.”

“Coming through,” a voice called. Lara Jacobs pushed through the crowd, carrying a loaded plate of my favorite dish: chicken wings. She came behind the bar and set them in front of me. “When I heard you were coming, I had the chefs make these up.”

She looked exactly like her twin sister, Summer Jacobs, Evan’s fiancée and the other owner of the Carolina Tavern. I breathed in the smell of the wings and sighed. “And that’s why I love you,” I told her.

She winked and walked over to my side of the bar to give me a hug. “Anything for my favorite player.”

“Hey, I thought I was your favorite player,” Evan grumbled, nudging her in the side. “I’m about to be your brother-in-law.”

Giggling, she slapped him on the arm. “I can have more than one favorite, Townsend. Besides, you lose points because you’re making me walk down the aisle with your sorry excuse for a best friend.” Luke Collins, Evan’s closest friend, had been desperate to get Lara back after making the stupid decision to leave her following their one-night stand. The night of the accident, Luke and Brianna had talked, and she’d given him some advice on getting Lara back. Obviously, he hadn’t done a very good job so far.

Evan put his arm around her. “I know, and I’m sorry, but he is my best friend.”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s okay, I’ll get over it. I only have to touch him for a few seconds.”

Evan chuckled and said, “That’s the spirit,” before strolling off.

“I take it things never got settled between you and Luke?” I asked.

She scoffed and waved her hand dismissively in the air. “It’s only gotten more complicated. But you’re not here to talk about my love life. Enjoy the night, and I’ll come talk to you once everything settles down. The boys put in a massive order of food, and I need to help out in the kitchen.” Then her eyes went wide when she spotted something over my shoulder. “Wow, I can’t believe he showed up.”

“Who?” I asked, turning around.

Standing by the door was none other than Jaxon Reed, our star kicker. I’d heard there was talk about him being traded to another team, but I would have been surprised if the team managers had approved it. Most of the guys on our team hated him, especially Evan, after Jax tried to steal Summer away from him. But he was the best kicker in the league, and everyone knew it.

Looking straight at me, Jaxon ignored the snarls from some of the others and approached me. “I heard you were back,” he said, holding out his hand. “I came to see how you’re doing. It’s been a while.”

I shook his hand. “Thanks, I guess. I didn’t think you’d give a s**t. You never cared before.” He was good at sabotaging things and had even been investigated for his involvement in the accident. He and one of the team cheerleaders, Lindsey Rink, had schemed to break up Evan and Summer by making Summer believe Evan had slept with Lindsey. Evan had kicked Jaxon’s a*s and made a fool of him, so we’d all thought the accident was his way of payback. It was known that Jax wanted Summer, and when all the s**t went down, he was the first one everyone accused. In the end, he was innocent, but the speculation had tarnished his name with our team.

Jaw clenched, Jaxon nodded. “And I didn’t care until everything was taken away from me. It wasn’t fun being suspended from the games.”

I shrugged, not giving a s**t about his sob story. “You brought it on yourself.”

“I’m not here to fight,” he said quietly, gazing around the room. “I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry for everything. The team’s really lucky to have you back. I’ll see you at practice?”

Jaxon usually had a smirk on his face, but tonight he was different. For the first time since I’d known him, he seemed genuine. Slapping him on the shoulder, I met him with a smile. “I’ll think about it. Good luck to you, though. It’s gonna be tough with everything’s that happened.”

“Thanks, I’ll need it,” he said, turning on his heel. A couple of the guys caught him at the door, but he slid past them without saying a word.

“What did fuckhead want?” Evan asked.

“To see how I was doing. It’ll be strange being back at practice with him. Hopefully he won’t run his mouth.”

“No s**t. I already kicked his a*s once.” But then Evan froze and smiled. “Wait, did you just admit you’re coming to practice?”

I chuckled. “I guess I did.” I’d known all along that I wanted to go back, but seeing the team had sealed the deal for me. They were my family.

Evan hollered and waved his hands in the air. “Listen up, everyone! Our mission’s been accomplished. D’s coming back!”

The guys clapped, and everyone in the restaurant who wasn’t a part of our group looked on in wonderment. “Thanks, Townsend,” I grumbled. “Now everyone in the place is staring at me.”

“Better get used to it. Once the press finds out you’re back, all they’ll talk about is you.”

As much as I wanted to avoid that, I knew it’d be inevitable. “That’s what I’m afraid of,” I admitted.

His smile faded. “You’ll be fine, I promise. If you want, you can sneak off to Summer’s office for a while. I know this is a lot to take in on your first night home.”

“That it is,” I said with a nod. “I think I’ll just get some fresh air. Can I go out the back?”

“Go for it. Everyone will understand.”

Releasing a sigh, I walked past our group of guys, saying hello in passing. I could really use a drink, but I refused to give in.