His second sin

Is he gay?

Chapter5___

Darien

Two months. That’s all it took to turn my world upside down. One minute I was the man who swore would never agree to marry again considering what went wrong the last time I agreed and now here I am standing inside our bedroom. Technically my room.

I was so sure she’d never agree to marry me after the stunt I pulled in the restaurant two months back.

I hold no disgrace toward this woman, none at all. She deserves a man who can give her the world, not someone like me. I was never raised to believe in the tenderness of a bond between two souls. Love, commitment those things were never part of the world I knew.

Though that thought almost wavered a year ago, when I entertained the idea of marriage until she left me standing at the altar like a clown.

Laura, my childhood friend who I once thought could be a perfect choice considering the fact we have known each other since kindergarten. I always thought friendship was also the foundation of marriage. So, when we agreed to wed, I didn’t give it a much of a thought.

Until, she left me standing at the altar like I am some kinda desperate fool. I don’t know what pushed her doing so, not that I care now anyway.

Another reason that I had built walls around the very notion of marriage. I had no illusions about my capacity to love, no desire to squander time on a life I could never give. That was the reason I warned Violet, laying bare the truth before she could mistake my presence for a promise I was incapable of keeping.

If it weren’t for my grandfather, I would have never agreed in the first place. That man has been yearning a grandchildren for as long as I can remember. Every conversation with him circles to the same topic —the future of the Lockwood family, legacy that must not fade.

Being his only grandson, after two granddaughters already, I was the last thread in the bloodline. I couldn’t bring myself to reject his wish. Perhaps it was pity or perhaps love, he was the only constant presence in my life, the one that stayed even when my own parents didn’t. He filled the void left inside me even before I knew what exactly it was.

It’s not like his love for his granddaughter is any less, he has spoiled them to the point that I don’t even think their husband could keep up with that. But to him, I am the continuation of a bloodline. And if agreeing to this marriage could grant him a fragment of happiness, even for a moment, then perhaps that was enough reason.

Running a hand through my hair, I plopped down on the bed as the exhaustion of the day weighed heavily on my shoulders. The steady sound of running water echoed from the bathroom, a soft reminder who’s in there—my wife. I can’t believe I am married to a girl who’s nine years younger than me. Surely, she’s an attractive young girl and I have seen her around but never paid attention until the proposal.

I straightens my posture just as the bathroom door creaked open. “Can you hand me that small bag of mine, I have my clothes there.” She asks in her little voice. I handed her the bag without any hesitation.

The bathroom door creaked open again after what felt like an hour, and there she comes out in nothing but in pink silk lingerie that left very little to imagination. Her hair still wet from the shower. She rounds the corner and casually stands in front of the mirror trying to blow dry her hair like the situation was nothing but normal.

Although, I could see her trying hard not to give herself away but I could see the faint tremor in her movements like she’s trying to appear calm and unfazed. For a heartbeat, my every intention about leaving this room scattered like a dust in the wind. The air in the room thickened humming with tension and before I could act on impulse, I turned away and left the room.

Violet

He left. Just like that without a glance back. I cannot believe what just happened. After all that courage it took me to wear this delicate lingerie just for him, wishing tonight will be different than any other night.

I knew he wasn’t interested in me, not the way a husband should be, but still as a man, I thought he would want me. I could feel my eyes watering but I refuse to give away, not tonight.

I’d dreamed of my wedding night being something beautiful, something worth remembering to the point I had saved myself just for this moment, for my future husband. But now, staring at the empty doorway all I feel is the ache of rejection.

Am I that dull? That unworthy of even a second look? “Any man would jump on you in this lingerie and if he won’t then he’s gay” that was what Ryan had told me when we went to shopping the other day. He specially helped me pick this limited edition set with so much of thought and consideration.

And here I am standing in front of the mirror alone like some short of cheap slut. So is he gay? My mind swirls back on how he reacted when he saw me step out of the bathroom in this outfit. Was he stunned? Angry? Turned on? Surely couldn’t be the later one.

Whatever the reason, whatever had happened tonight, I decided not to think about it any longer. I changed again into my comfiest pajamas, letting the softness of the fabric offer a small comfort where words could not.

As soon as my head touched the pillow, the weight of the day came crashing down and exhaustion pulled me under before I could even realize it.

I woke up with a heavy stillness, unsure when exactly I had fallen asleep. I turned to the other side of the bed only to find it empty, the sheets untouched like he had never been there at all. Where did he go last night? Did he sleep in the other room? A chill ran through me as I swung my legs off the bed.

I wanted the answer and I wanted to go find him myself. But I can’t go outside at this condition, I have to freshen up and change first.

I lingered by the doorway, staring at the hallway uncertain which way to go first. Just then one of the house helper appeared from one of the room.

“Is Mr. Lockwood in the house?” I asked my voice coming out lower than I intended. She nodded quickly, a polite smile on her face. He’s in the living room, mam” she said gesturing down the hallway.

I thanked her and followed the direction she pointed. The morning light streamed through the tall windows, painting the room in gold, but the warmth it offered did nothing to calm the unease curling in my chest.

And there he was, seated on the couch, composed as ever. But he was not alone. There was someone beside him, her silhouette delicate and unfamiliar in a way that made my breath hitch. Was he with this woman last night?

The two of them were talking, voices low in-fact comfortably close. To my surprise, he don’t even look the least bit bothered by her presence. From where I stood, I couldn’t make out their words but the sight alone was enough to send a sharp sting through my chest.