His second sin

Made my decisions

Chapter3___

Violet

I've been sitting in this restaurant restless for the past fifteen minutes, and he still hasn't shown up. What if he forgot? I especially chose this restaurant with a minimal yet aesthetic vibe—the kind of place that makes you feel like love could bloom in any corner. The food here tastes real good, and the vibe is just perfect.

My stomach twists in knots with every passing by. I find myself subconsciously tugging at my necklace, a small gesture of anxiety I can't control. What kind of man keeps a woman waiting like this? I glance at the door as every chime of the restaurant door makes my heart skip, only to sink again. Just when I glance at the door for the last time, he walks in. Every step he takes, radiating an arrogance and confidence like he owns a restaurant.

I subtly raise my hand to get his attention. As he makes his way towards me, every rehearsed line I'd come prepared for evaporates from my mind. His presence is more than overwhelming." I am sorry I had you waiting. I got stuck in a business meeting. " I was not expecting him to apologize first.

"No worries, I understand," I said barely in my whispered tone. "Anything important you want to talk about?' he asks, leaning back, his gaze locking into mine. And for a fleeting second, I almost forgot what I had come here to say. With all my courage, "You know soon we are getting married," I manage to say, keeping my voice steady. "I just wanted to ask if this is what you agreed on at your own will—or if you are being forced."

As much as I want to applaud myself for my bravery, I am terrified of what his answer might be. I see his lips twitch slightly at my question. "No, nobody is forcing me into this marriage if that is what you want to know." I let a silent breath of relief. For a fleeting second I felt weightless, almost happy.

But just as I think I am standing on cloud nine, he speaks again. "Although I have to warn you," he says, his voice calm yet cutting, "Marriage is something I don't believe in, nor will I ever. I can't promise to love you the way you expect me to. The only thing that I am committed to at the moment is my work."

The relief I felt a moment ago fades, leaving only the sting of his words. My body betrays what my mind is going through. All of a sudden, I feel the temperature of a restaurant has increased to the point I feel my body burning.

"If you still want to go through this, knowing I can't love you the way you deserve... then the decision is up to you to decide if that's a life you can live with." And just like that, the air between us feels heavier than ever. "SHUT UP" I screamed that in mind, although I wanted to scream on his face. All my appetite died along with his words. Why is this man so hard to understand?

After I got home, I practically isolated myself. My mind was full of thoughts and "What if's?" The shrill ring of my phone brought me back to reality. I glance at that screen and, just like that, my mood shifts.

"Did you forget you have a best friend out here in the real world, or do I have to address you, Mrs? Lockwood, to realize that?" I hear Ryan, who's been my best friend since middle school. He's the only friend that I have and, honestly, that is more than enough. Having one genuine friend is better than having a bunch of fake friends. Besides, Ryan is gay, so that's that.

Although I hiss at that last part. "I don't think I will get married at this point," I told him everything from the start. How the conversation went from the start to bottom line. I was already in tears by the time I was done ranting. " That mother******* clearly doesn't have a taste. I would have married you long back if I had not been gay," he says with slight anger in his voice.

" Thank you for the compliment, but I don't know what to do. I can't bring myself to cancel the wedding, but at the same time, the thought of not being loved by my partner scares me at the same time." I sniff at the last part. "Listen to me carefully, Vi. Stick by your principle and listen to your heart. Give yourself some time. You don't have to rush yourself into anything. I am right with you and so does your grandpa."

Ryan tries to soothe me like always. He's the only person who listens to my banter and tolerates my childness. A twenty-two-year-old child. For that I owe him." I just can't seem to shake this feeling off. You know how I have always dreamed of having my own family someday. What if he refuses to give me that?"

Ever since I got to know that my parents had died when I was barely even born, somewhere deep down I have always yearned for parental love. And I promised myself to give all my love and more to my kids and husband someday in the future. My kids will never know the ache of parental separation. That's one cycle I refuse to repeat.

" Give your brain a break, will ya. I know you will find a solution to this, just like every other time. I will come see you tomorrow, but for now, I want you to sleep with a clear mindset." He's right. I can't think straight in these conditions. I have to wait until tomorrow to make my decision. With that, I hung up the call.

I woke up to a pillow hitting my face. I groaned and blinked, only to find Ryan at my bedside. Seriously? Why is he here so early in the morning? " I was rushing my ass off to get here, thinking you might be going insane, but to my surprise, what did I find? You are sleeping peacefully like some sort of Disney princess." I can barely open my eyes when I am hit with another pillow. "Stop, let me freshen up, and we will talk." With that, I sprinted off to the washroom.

"Have you made up your mind yet?" Ryan asked right when he saw me coming out of the washroom. I paused midway, thinking hard and just nodded, afraid I might regret saying anything. In fact, my decision was made last night. After that call with Ryan, I couldn't wink my eyes, let alone sleep, tossing and turning until dawn. And when I finally let my thoughts settle, I realized this was it. There's no going back now.