Ravissant

Ego Veniam - Self Forgiveness

Ego Veniam - Self Forgiveness

Milos rode her favorite albino stallion. It was a gift from her father Cassius. It was one of the most beautiful stallions in Omnia. She was surprised when her father gave her the gift.

Little did she know that it was not just a gift for her entering the Elvin army. It was a pre-wedding gift.

Her parents finally introduced her to the Elvin that she was bound to be married to - Ferox.

She knew Ferox, he was the right arm in Neonella’s troops. He was known for this fierceness in battle, and in life. Ferox is also known for his loyalty to Neonella and most of all Omnia. He would do anything as his duty to the kingdom. He would even literally give up his life if need be.

Milos kept her mouth shut. Even as an Elvin soldier, she had no power over her father’s decision. Soldier or not, she is a daughter that has the responsibility to follow whatever her parents demand of her too, up until she has a family of her own.

It has always been a tradition in Omnia where the parents choose who their children marry. It was an agreement between families that no one ever attempted to question or break.

Luckily, the army requires 10 years of their lives dedicated to the kingdom alone. She has two more years before she marries Ferox.

She looked at Fortem’s stallion. She was leading it with one hand as she rode her own towards Emma’s cabin.

Fortem was arranged to be married to a girl from their village. Unfortunately, the young girl died of sickness a year before they got married. Unlike other elves who were forced to be married, Fortem took the effort to know the girl and actually courted her. She knew this because Neonella kept her and Olethea updated about those details.

He was literally broken when the girl died.

She noticed someone walking towards her. It was Fortem.

She immediately descended her horse. “You should have waited for me in the cabin Captain,” Milos apologized to Fortem.

“It’s alright. I wanted Emma to begin with her work so I decided to leave,” he replied, reaching out to the reign of his horse. “Besides it’s a nice day for a walk,” he added.

He rode his white stallion. Milos rode hers.

“Let’s race to Silver Rock,” Fortem said, smiling, then slightly kicking the side of his horse to urge it to run.

Milos took the challenge but realized that she was not supposed to be competing with her captain. She kept her pace and allowed Fortem to be slightly ahead of her.

When they reached Silver Rock, Fortem immediately went down from his horse and walked towards Milos who was just about to descend from her stallion.

“You cheated,” Fortem said firmly.

“You won,” Milos replied.

“Exactly,” Fortem said. “I shouldn’t have won at all. My horse, even with my skill could never outrun yours.” He explained.

Milos looked away. She tied her stallion to the nearest tree.

Fortem went back to his horse and led it to where Milos’s stallion was. He secured his horse there.

“You know Milos, you could be so much more if you just believe in yourself. If you just let go of all the bad feelings you have inside.” Fortem said, his voice more friendly. He was talking to her as if he was not her Captain.

“What do you know?” Milos felt irritated. He had no right to intrude with her life nor her privacy.

“I know that you haven’t forgiven yourself for what happened to Olethea, just like my little sister.” He said, sighing. “Even with all that,” pointing his hands to her armor - “Even with all the things you have done for this kingdom, you two are still the same girls I knew back then.” He said.

Milos looked at him, then looked away. She focused on walking towards the Golden Gate. She didn’t want to answer that. Besides, Fortem was not asking. He was just thinking out loud.

She chose to stay silent. However, she was surprised that someone had the courage to talk to her about what happened 8 years ago.

A few minutes of silence passed and now they stood by the door to the Old World. It has been eight years since Milos saw the door. After what happened to them back then, she never attempted to come close to that place ever again.

Every time, during her birthday after that incident, every time she had to go to Silver Rock where the Immortalitatis stood, every time she had to drink the elixir of life, she did it on her own. She went with no one. And every time she finishes her drink, she would go straight home.

Milos could not bear to stay close to where the door was, to where she lost Olethea. To where she lost Neonall too.

“You really should forgive yourself, you know,” Fortem told her while they stood and scaled the massive golden door. “None of it was your mistake, you were just children,” Fortem told Milos.

‘It was actually our fault.” Milos contradicted. She tried to speak without emotion. Her eyes focused on the door. “If Neo and I didn’t give in to what Olethea wanted back then, none of this would ever happen.” She added.

“The monsters were bound to escape,” Fortem said. “It just so happened to occur when you three went inside the mundane world.” He further explained. “Do you really think the King and Queen are not aware of the possibility of weakening the defense against these monsters whenever a magical being enters the mundane world? What happened to you three could happen to anyone.”

“But it happened when we entered the Old World,” Milos said, still trying to avoid being emotional. “That is the difference that we had from all the other attempts that brought a magical being to the mundane world.” She continued. “Our attempt broke the seal that kept the monsters inside Te Deum Terram, the land of Monsters. Our attempt caused us to lose our friend. Our curiosity to enter the mundane world is the reason why we are coming back to that place again to defeat and capture Gilgamesh.” She said, now looking at Fortem who was looking at her too. “So tell me, how can I forgive myself for that?” She said.

“The people have already forgotten about that, the moment you two entered the army, Omnia already had forgiven you,” Fortem told her, his eyes showing care. “You and Neonella are the ones who have failed to forgive yourselves.”

“I could never forgive myself unless Olethea’s family comes back to their home in town. Unless we bring back Gilgamesh to Te Deum Terram. I could never forgive myself unless I found Olethea there,” pointing at the golden door. “I need to find out what happened to her. I need to make sure that my life has been more miserable than hers. That I hurt more than she did.” Milo's voice broke, a tear bound to fall from her eyes. She looked away from Fortem.

“And tomorrow we get the chance to do that,” Fortem said. “Maybe by then, you can learn to forgive yourself.”

Milos managed to hold back the tears. She focused her eyes back at the door.

They stood there while the sunset to the horizon. Fireflies lit the area where they began to feel the cold breeze of Omnia begin to creep inside their metal armor. Fortem broke their silence.

“Emma’s done with the clothes. We need to get back now, rest, and prepare for tomorrow.” He told Milos and started to walk back to Silver Rock where their horses were tied.

Milos followed Fortem silently. Fortem materialized a ball of fire, floating in his right hand. It gave them the illumination they needed as they walked from the Golden Door to where their horses were tied.

Fortem helped Milos with her horse reign. They rode silently towards Emma’s cabin. This time, Milos did not have second thoughts in outrunning Fortem. She let her stallion go as fast as it could to somehow rebel against what Fortem told her earlier.

She should have forgiven herself. That the only people who failed forgiving Neonella and herself were the both of them.

Emma’s home was lit vividly inside. You’ll be able to see the cabin from afar from the amount of light that tried to escape from the small home.

The needlewoman, as if expecting them to arrive at this time, was already standing by the door when their horses made a halt in her yard. She carried two bags. Milos assumed that it was their clothes inside.

Fortem placed his hands over the bags. There was no trace of magic in there. Hoe Emma managed to finish their clothes, without a trace of magic in it was a secret only Emma knew. Milos did not dare ask.

Emma handed Fortem the bag in her right hand. The bag on her left hand was for Milos. “Here you go my child, I hope you’ll like it.” She said.

“Gratias tibi valde,” Milos thanked the old lady.

Fortem took a small pouch from his pockets. Milos assumed it was the gold payment for the service.

Emma pushed the pouch back to Fortem. “No need for that, anything for the peace of Omnia.”

“I insist,” Fortem pushed the pouch back.

“Alright then, I’ll just sew a new dress for your Mother.” She looked at Milos. “And your Mother too. Could you please say my regards to Estelle.” She added.

Emma waved them goodbye as their horses galloped away from her cabin.

“I’ll head home now Captain, if you may,” Milos asked Fortem.

“Go ahead and prepare for tomorrow. I’ll see you by dawn.” He was smiling, almost smirking. Milos tried not to mind him and left at full speed.

Fortem watched her go while he took the time to enjoy the calm of the night.