Damaged Before Christmas

Chapter Ten

I stared at Antonio in unbelief when he asked what he can do to help out. "What are you doing?" I asked him as I continued to stare at him.

He smiled which made my insides turn to butter. "I asked what you would like me to do? I meant it when I wanted to make things up to you for the way that I have acted towards you."

I swallow as he takes a step towards me. I go to take a step back but I bump into the counter. He continues walking towards me and my heart is beating so fast that I thought it would explode from my chest.

"I needed him out of my personal space but my brain stopped working when he leaned forward and his breath flew across my ear. I closed my eyes at the sensation that he caused and shivered. He smirked before leaning in closer. "You are run off your feet, now what would you like me to help you with?"

"Umm, maybe back up a little bit as this is a bit unprofessional don't you think?" I whispered fully aware that the customers who were in the bakery had stopped their conversations and were looking our way.

Antonio smiled before his eyes glanced over my shoulder at our customers. He held his hands up in surrender before stepping back from me. I suddenly felt cold but was able to breathe again. I looked around and looked around trying to see what he can do. I saw some people had left tables and that was perfect. I smiled before turning to Antonio. "Well, if you insist on helping out can you clear the empty tables please."

Antonio smiled before strutting around the counter and started gathering in the used plates and cups. I stayed behind the counter as much as I could until I had to go and collect orders. I groaned as each time Antonio bent to wipe the table and picked up the dishes, my eyes kept drifting to his back and his backside. He had a great butt and the jeans look amazing on him.

A few of the customers when I was ringing up their purchases kept following to where my eyes had wondered and they all gave me a knowing smile especially the women. I felt him watching me as he moved through the tables and talked to the customers. I got the impression that his family were very well known in town as the bakery got busier as the day progressed which meant that neither of us got a chance to catch a break.

Finally, the last customers left and it was time to clean. It was a bad idea for me to be alone with this hunk of a man in such a small place. I turned to the coffee maker remembering that he had mentioned that he wanted a cup of coffee to take to his dad in the hospital. I sighed before turning back to the counter facing the tables. I gasped when I saw that Antonio was leaning on the counter watching me.

I didn't even hear him walk up to the counter. I gave him a small smile before turning back to the coffee maker. I decided that I would make him a coffee as well to take away. As I prepared the drinks I glanced over my shoulder and noticed that he was checking out my butt. I felt myself blushing yet again.

"Hmm, you don't have to stay if you don't want to as I can manage the cleaning and lock up," I said as I brought the coffee from where they were prepared and placed them in between us. I smiled " Antonio, thanks for your help today. It was so busy, I haven't so busy since I started here. Is it usually this busy?"

Antonio smiled and reached around the coffees to place his hand on mine. "Call me Tony, Iona, please. Plus the pleasure was all mine. I actually enjoyed myself and yeah it gets pretty busy the week before Christmas."

I looked down at his hand over mine before sliding my hand out from under his. I saw the small frown he made before he smiled again. He cleared his throat as he brought his hand up to under my chin lifting my gaze to meet his. "We make a pretty good team. I'm sorry again Iona. I should've given you the benefit of a doubt before I jumped to any conclusions without getting to know you first."

I searched his eyes to see if he truly meant what he said and I only saw the truth in what he was telling me. "I accept your apology, Antonio."

"Tony, call me Tony," His eyes were pleading now.

"OK, Tony, I'm sure your day could've been better sitting with your dad and family instead of saving my backside," I said smiling.

Tony leant further towards me as if he wanted to kiss me. I had been to lost in his eyes that I hadn't noticed that I was moving forward as well. I felt like I was trapped in the orbit of this handsome man. He stopped and quickly backed away shaking his head. He started muttering to himself as I just stood there watching him.

He turned and the look of guilt flashed over his chiselled features. He ran his hand through his hair as started moving towards where I was standing. I wanted this man badly but the rejection that I was currently feeling made me raise my hand to stop him from getting closer.

"If you don't mind, can you please leave," I said quietly looking straight at him, "Anton, Tony, please let me finish my shift and get over what I thought was happening between us."

He sighed and his head fell forward. He looked so lost that I wanted to go and wrap him in my arms but I was rooted to the spot. He looked up with that pleading look on his face. "Iona, I thought that I was ready for all of this, for you, but I can't hurt you the way that I know that I would eventually."

My hands flew up to my face and turned on my heel letting him see my back. I really didn't want to let him see how affected I was from his confession. I felt the tears stinging the back of my eyes. Anger flared through me making me spin back towards him.

"What exactly do you want Antonio? I mean up to when you came in I thought you hated me and that I was taking advantage of your family. Yeah, I thought today we had got past whatever your hang-up was and that we could possibly be friends. I must've missed the memo not to get too attached to anything that could possibly be a good thing in my life."

I was shaking with rage when I looked at him. He just stood there with his darned hands in his pockets. I couldn't stop talking as everything that had hurt me came flowing out. " I mean I left my whole life because I caught my ex-boyfriend in bed with my best friend. I move here and think that I might have found a town where I could make my home, and maybe even find one of the few good men left on this planet. But, hey, I was wrong again. I love the flat that I live in and this job was exactly what I was needing to start afresh. I must have mug wrote across my forehead that tells guys that I was easy and that I would be happy to be picked up and then dropped again when they felt like it. I AM DONE!"

I felt the first tear roll down my cheek which I swiped away. Antonio stepped towards me but I stepped back so I wasn't within his reach. I needed to get out of the bakery but he was blocking my way out from behind the counter.

"DON'T! I don't need the pity you have for me. All I am to you is a pitiful woman who came to town and decided to use good people. I am a good person but hey, no-one wants a good person in the world. Now can you please move so that I can go home and wallow in the embarrassment that I have caused both of us before deciding what I need to do about my life."

I started walking towards him and tried to squeeze past him but he didn't move. I stepped back and swiped the tears away as quickly as they fell. "Please, just let me leave and I promise you that I won't ever darken your doorstep again. Please let your parents know that I'm happy that your dad is on the mend and thank them for everything they have given me."

Antonio still wouldn't move so I decided to take drastic action and placed my hands on the counter before jumping onto it and then threw my legs over the other side. As soon as my feet touched the other side of the counter Antonio grabbed my arm and spun me to face him.

"We aren't finished here, Iona. You think because your ex was a moron that no other man will think that you're not worth it?" Antonio said through gritted teeth. "You think that because I didn't kiss you that I would never want you? Damn, you are my ideal woman but there are things that I can't tell you and my goodness all I can think about is you. Don't you get it? There is plenty of good men out there."

I struggled to get my arm free but it was no use as his grip was like iron. "Please, let me go," I whisper as more tears fell. I looked down to the ground as he continued to speak. All I wanted to do was go home and shut the world out of my life. "I want to leave."

I finally decided to look at the man who was sending so many mixed signals he would confuse a signpost. He sighed as he saw the tears before releasing the grip he had on my arm. He didn't move his away from my arm but slid his hand down and grabbing mine. I felt my heart break even more as I didn't have the energy to keep standing so I let myself slide down the side of the counter until I hit the ground.

I continued looking at the ground and moved my chin away from his free hand. I felt my arm lower as he moved to a kneeling position in front of me. "Iona, please look at me. I'm sorry that you were hurt in the past but I'm not who you think I am. I can't tell you unless I know for certain that you're the one for me. I can't give you want or need until I know for sure. Can you not understand that?" Antonio begged me.

I glanced up at him as he still was taller than me even when he was kneeling. I must be mad to let myself be put through the whole it's not you it's me speech.

I needed to get to my coat then make a run for the door before he caught me again. I stood up shaking as I brushed my knees trying not to look at the man who was still on his knees.

"I understand that you can't be with me, so I will leave you to it," I said sounding more confident than what I was feeling.

Antonio groaned as he stood up and watched as I walked to wear our jackets were hung on the hooks. He sighed and ran his head through his hair again which made me close my eyes.

He spoke as I zipped up my jacket. "Want to know something? You may not want to hear it but damn it, the only reason I came into the bakery today was to actually see you. The coffee thing was an excuse so I could see you. I see you every time I close my eyes and you haunt my dreams with your sexy attitude and gorgeous body. I want to get to know you and see if I can make you happy."

I just stood there listening as he spouted things he thought I would want to hear. "Seriously? You really think all that but when I'm right in front of you it's not good enough? I'm sorry that I have put you in this position but please enough is enough."

I started walking towards the door of the bakery with determined steps. "I wish you all the happiness in the world and I hope that you and your family have a merry Christmas. I'm going to go and deal with my life and try and find out where it is going."

I grab his hand and give him a firm handshake before turning on my heel and reaching the door. I heard him mutter a few curses as I reached for the door. My hand was just about to grab the door handle before I was grabbed again and spun fast enough that my face collided with his chest.

"Please I don't know what you want for me and this is just cruel," I pleaded into his chest. I felt his arms go around me and for a brief instance, I felt like I was home. I pushed that thought to the very back of my mind as I reminded myself that he didn't want me. I felt fresh tears start pouring down my cheeks as I brought my fist into his chest.

"Iona," Antonio whispered catching my hand and turning me to an angle that I had nowhere else to look apart from up at him. As much as I was hurting from this experience I couldn't help but wish that this was all a dream and that he did want me the way that he had said.

"Please, just let me go, Tony," I tried using his nickname for him to let me go. I felt his arm tighten around my waist as he stared down at me.

"I can't Iona. I want you so badly that I can't think straight. I have wanted you since I first set my eyes on you when you were with my mother," Tony whispered as he took in the tears running down my face.

"Tony, I can't do this as I don't know what it is you want from me and I'm struggling to deal with everything you have said. Please give me time and space to process everything and you can work out exactly what you want. If what you said is true and you still feel the same way you know where I will be as I can't do anything until after the holidays." I pleaded.

Antonio sighed before letting me go. "I promise that I will give you time as you asked but I know what I want and that will not change. I want you and if I need to prove that then I will do everything in my power to show you that every word I have said was the truth."

I stepped away from him and turned yet again and opened the bakery door. "You can let Holly know that I won't let her or your mum down as I will continue to work here for as long as they need me. Take care of yourself, Tony."

I managed to walk away from the only man who made me feel like home. As I walked along the side walk the tears were still coming thick and fast. I managed to get to my home before I completely collapsed on the floor and curling into a ball just letting the tears free.

I don't know how long I was on the floor for but the sky was dark when I looked out fo the window. I pulled myself and dragged myself into the kitchen needing comfort food and lots of wine. I pull my phone out of my pocket and saw I had a couple of messages from Holly. I didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment until I processed exactly what the heck happened in the bakery.

I took a spoon out of the drawer and not caring about a glass I grabbed the bottle of wine that I had in my fridge. I then grabbed the ice cream and proceeded to head to my bedroom. I was going to lock myself away tomorrow as it was my day off. I turned my mobile phone off and turned on the television. I placed the wine and ice cream on my bedside cabinet before pulling off my clothes and grabbing a quick shower. I piled my hair on top of my head in a messy bun before throwing on my sleep shorts and vest. I climbed into bed and settled down to watch whatever rubbish was on.

I opened the wine and gulped back a few mouthfuls before turning my attention to the ice cream. I was going to be suffering tomorrow but tonight I was drowning my sorrows at the bottom of a wine bottle.