Let Me Be Who I Am

Chapter 3

Rhena POV :

"s**t, Damn it" I shouted reading w*****d story on my phone screen.

"Hey what's the matter with you" asked my brother while the others looked at me confusedly.

"Sorry, my favorite author just posted new chapter for the sequel to her love story and I was very angry with one of the characters in the story" I replied very annoyed.

"What is that?" Asked my brother curiously.

"It's just a fictional story why are you so angry and what is so interesting about reading stories like that. Watching movies is much more interesting, i dont understand why people wasting their time only just for reading" Tamara told me. She told me to stop calling her Ms. Perez because of the relationship between our two brothers have each other. Actually she told me to call her "Ara" like her fiancé but I feel embarrassed calling her with a pet name like that.

"Girl, are you heard what I said before, this her love story. Is just not only a fictional story but It's a true story that's even more interesting to read. Stop saying watching movies more interesting You must tried it and you can understand what i mean." I replied looking at Tamara very annoyed, how dare she insult my hobby. Now I am at Tamara and Leon's house to pick up Alina but she is sleeping and I don't want to disturb her sleep so I stay here reading lesbian stories on w*****d while waiting for her to wake up.

"Well don't be so angry, I'm just saying my opinion. So what's the story about." Tamara talks so that I don't keep getting angry. Huh if she know how very interesting reading, reading makes you addicted to keep find another story and continue reading more and more again and can't stop yourself until your finish that story.

"This girl, she has been married to her girlfriend for 2 years. I don't know what problem she is experiencing but she does not communicate openly with her wife and chooses to tell her problem to her best friend. They are both married, If there is a problem she must tell her wife and not run to her best friend. Her best friend not who her choose to married, if she always continue to choose her best friend over her wife whenever there is a problem, something will definitely happen between they both"

"What do you mean" they asked me confused

"Let's not pretend don't understand what i mean here, what will happen if two people start feeling comfortable with each other more than a friend?" I asked them and I could see they understood what I meant.

"I mean here isn't that an affair usually starts out of feeling comfortable with each other or the feeling of having someone who understands you and can listen to your problems better than their lover does," I said again.

"Is the character in that story really bad until you curse such bad words, we have known you for 5 years and during that time you never cursed anyone?" Marcus and Lucas asked me in surprise. If they knew how angry I was before Alina was born, how often curse and harsh words left my mouth. Since I adopted Alina, I tried to hold myself back from cursing because I didn't want Alina to hear a word she didn't deserve to hear at such a young age. I even went to a psychiatrist and did anger control to help control my explosive emotions.

"Read it for yourself" I gave them my phone and told them to read the story. I saw my brother also crammed reading stories on my cell phone.

"s**t" it wasn't long before the three of them cursed like me. Rain, Tamara and Leon were curious about their reactions so that eventually my phone changed hands because they were also curious to read the story.

"I don't think it's the main character's fault, it's her best friend's fault. Obviously she has more feelings for her best friend more than just a friend and can't accept the fact that her best friend is already taken and married." Tamara gave her opinion after reading the story.

"Now I think there is nothing wrong and nothing right. This is only because they both don't have good communication between them. Married life is not like when you were dating. Many couples who have been married for decades divorce because of bad communication they have, that like what happened to our parents. "said my brother Andy and he looking at me when he said that.

"That's right, mom married papa at 19 and they divorced 10 years later. These things make me afraid to get into a relationship and feel like I don't want to get married." I said with a sad face.

"You don't want to get married, really!!!".... for the first time Tamara's fiancé, Rain, spoke and looked at me with an incomprehensible look.

"Yes that's true, why do I have to get married if it will end in divorce... It doesn't matter if the divorce happens well because there is no more love again between them... But what if the divorce happens because of an affair... Two people who used to love each other and share everything together sudenly become strange and hate each other after they divorce... I don't care about divorced couples if they don't have children from their relationship..., it's just become bad if they have children in very young age and need their parents love... It's not uncommon for their parents to be rude after divorce and taking their anger out on their children... Children should be loved... Their children not a personal punching bag that can be hit anytime when they parents in bad mood..." I angrily replied, my brother come and hug me to calm my anger, because he knows what I'm saying based on my personal experience and the true feelings I felt about our parents' divorce.

"Not all marriages always end in divorce, some stay together into old age.... Even a married couple who get cheated their dont always disvorce their marriage relationship....Some of them would forgive their partner and improve their marriage relationship because they still love each other... Just remember we are only human not saint and absolutely not god,... Mistakes are bound to happen. Forgiving is hard but you get your peace if you can do that for people who hurt you "This time Leon, Tamara's brother spoke.

"I don't think cheating couples deserve to be forgiven for their actions... They betrayed their promise, are you sure they will not cheat again if you forgive them for their previous actions?" I said skeptically.

"So you never now if you don't try, marriages aren't always happy... There will be times when your relationship falls mess and not like what you imagine before marriage... There are many reasons why a person maintains her marriage even though the marriage relationship is not as beautiful as expected... Their children can be the reason why they still want to forgive their cheating partner because they don't want their child Lost their parents figure..." Rain looked at me and there was pain in her eyes when she said that.

"I still will not forgive my partner if she cheating me... Sorry but I am not a person who is easy to forgive... it is very difficult for me to forgive someone when they hurt my heart and destroy the trust I give them..."

"I hope that one day you will find someone who change your mind, i hope she can makes you love her so much and make you want to marry her and spend your whole life with her...." my brother said to me.

"You know who the person i love and i have dreaming for marriage her? But sadly The only person I want to marry she is no longer in this world again". I look at my brother and he realizing what i told.

"Who is she, can we know that girl" Rain said me again with interesting face.

"She my best friend"

"You mean Alina's biological mother, you want to marry her?... Does that mean you love her?" Rain asked me with a shocked expression.

"Gosh why else I want to marry her if I don't love her" I answered her and looked at her like she was an alien, what question is that? Would anyone want to marry without being forced if there is no love between them?

"Since when you fell in love with your best friend, was she your first love and do you still love her even after she died" Tamara asked me excitedly.

"Ummm i don't remember since when maybe since we first time meet...? And yes she my first love and Im still love her until now" i ask her question.

"What the reason make you falling in love with your best friend" Tamara asked me again.

"You don't need a reason to love someone, heart chooses what they wants" I answered her.

"Come on, there must be something that made you fall in love with her and couldn't forget her until now." Tamara cant stop asked me, why this girl was so curious.

"Well I think i fell in love with my best friend because she was always there for me and i love she was a very patient girl, I don't even remember seeing her angry. Well maybe it looks why I fell in love with my best friend, She is a very rare gem" I smiled as I remembered, How nice my best friend.

"Geez look at that face, you're really crazy about your best friend" Marcus teased me with a mischievous smile on his face.

"Of course i love her, but what's the point of talking about how I feel right now, she's not in this world again"I tell that to him slowly trying to hide sadness in my heart.

"What do you do if your best friend is alive?" Leon asked a weird question that didn't make sense.

"Confess my feelings for her and win her feelings. But I don't think it's necessary, because when she still alive and we were together as closed friend, I could feel she loved me more than a friend, "

"Are you very sure she also loves you" Rain and Tamara asked me at the same time.

"I'm very sure, i can feel her feelings for me" I replied with great confidence.

"And why don't you tell the truth about your feeling to her and keep your feelings like a coward? .., did you never think if you had the courage to tell her your true feelings she would not marry that bastard and die being shot by a gun" Rain asking me with full of anger in her voice, wow why is she so angry to me...

"How do you know my best friend she died because of her husband shot her, I never told anyone about that except my brother..." I asked her confused.

"I told her" Leon spoke to me.

"And how do you know it's Leon?"

"Your brother told me"

"Is that true" i looked to my brother for confirmation

"Yes, im sorry sis"

"I'm really disappointed in you bro, don't you remember me telling you not to tell anyone about my past? That topic is very sensitive for me, I trust you with my secrets because we are family. Now I hesitate to tell you anything about what happened to me, you cant keep secret, that its bad attitude you know?.." I gave him a disappointed look.

"And for you Ms. Rain, why is this important to you?... Are you think I never blame myself for being a coward and keeping my true feelings? .. Are you thinking I don't blame myself for her death? ... Are you thinking would everything change just because I had courage tell my best friend my true feeling at that time?... You don't know anything about our situation.... We live in a homophobic city that same-s*x relationships its crime there... I cant forgiving my self if because me she get whipping and receiving humiliation from society because they know we both fell in love with each other "... Just please don't blame someone if you don't know their real situation.. "

"You two can run out of that city and live in another country," she replied, looking at me with a sharp gaze.

"It's not that easy to move to another country, you need a lot of money for that... Everything in this world not free, We are just poor girls who survive from day to day with salaries we have... If we go abroad then what will happen to us there?.. How will we both support ourselves there?... Don't act on emotions at any time that you will regret later... I was lucky to get out of that hell because my brother help me, if not because he, i believe i would still have stayed in that homophobic town.. Thanks You bro for your help..."

"That is what family doing, protecting not hurting each other. I have promise with our father to protect you and our elder sister. If our elder sisters are not homophobic, then three of us can stay together here in same city and protect each other. Even without mother and father beside us we can get our happiness..."

"And you Ms. Rain do not interfere with my private life or I will break the friendship between us who are just starting, I don't want to make friends with people who judge me without understanding my situation ..."

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