Before

S01: CHAPTER II

ALICE

Mga damit na worth for seven days stay. Check.

Toothbrush. Check.

Hair care kit. Check.

Skin care kit. Check.

Three pairs of footwear. Check.

Sunglasses. Check.

Towel. Check.

"Okay! Mukhang kompleto na ang lahat," I thought out loud while checking my baggage for the seminar I will be attending today.

I packed them three days ago I should not have forgotten anything but I highly doubt myself since I am forgetful.

"Ah! Jusmiyo! Muntik nang malimutan ang bida sa byahe. Snacks~"

Yes, the snacks. Para sa akin ay mas masaya ang byahe kung marami akong dala na pagkain.

Nagmadali akong tumungo sa kusina saka nagbukas ng ref para tingnan kung anong pagkain ang mayroon ako na puwedeng dalhin sa byahe. Unfortunately, I can’t find something that is suitable for a five-hour trip inside the ref. Kaya sunod kong tiningnan ang pantry na nasa tabi lang din nito at, viola! I still have two packs of potato chips, barbecue flavored peanuts and several chocolate cakes.

I grabbed the packs of potato chips, the salted peanuts, and a bunch of chocolate cakes. Basically, all of them except that I left ten more packs of this tiny chocolate cakes that looks like brownies and tastes like brownies.

Kumuha ulit ako ng isa para buksan.

“Hm!” Ah. Mukhang brownies nga talaga 'to. So, hindi na chocolate cake, brownies na.

“Brownies pala.”

I pulled the last drawer of the pantry to get my collection of used plastics.

For the record, I am not broke. Hindi ako gipit sa buhay. It's just how I am. Taga-kolekta ng plastik cellophane, plastik na kutsara, baonan, plato, at kahit ano-ano pa na puwedeng ma recycle.

I grew up in a family where things are still functional unless it's completely disassembled. Ngunit, ang salitang disassembled ay walang konkretong kahulugan sa pamilya namin. In my family, the thing doesn't end with its main purpose.

Once mama had my snicker that was worn out and all rugged disassembled. Torn off all the parts hanggang sa ang naiwan na lang ay ang leather na tela nito. Hindi na ako sure kung ‘yon ba ang tawag sa tela na gamit sa taas na bahagi ng sapatos. Basta ganun 'yon, tela na lang ang naiwan She got that certain material and used it to sew a coin purse. Ang galing, diba?

That goes the same with the several broken glasses in our home, papa used the broken pieces as decorations to his corner in mama’s garden. I mean with cements and few paints he made a mosaic.

I grew up in a family that is inherently environmentally friendly.

Well, that was before when I was about twenty. Ngayon, I am twenty-seven years old single, and loveless. Oh, not entirely loveless I meant the romantic love. I lack in that aspect but I am happy about almost everything. I enjoy my job as a high school educator, I travel a lot with my friends both outside and inside the work, and the most exciting part my teenage self would love to know is independence. I am quite the definition of a strong and independent woman. Except, again, I lack romance.

Nasa kalagitnaan ako ng paglalagay ng mga baon ko sa luggage nang biglang tumunog ang tila maliit na kalembang na notification sound ng cellphone ko. Ibig sabihin lamang nito ay isang email ang dumating. It vibrated for a few seconds before taking a stop, nag-iwan ito ng pulsing light at the top of the screen indicating the received notification.

I stuffed the food in the luggage first before I sit on the sofa and get my phone from the living room table.

The notification reads, "Wedding Invitation: Hello Alice Valencia, the honor of your presence..."

"Oooh! May ikakasal ata. Sino kayang kolokoy ang ikakasal? Ah! Perhaps it's a woman? Baka co-teacher ko... sana all," I mumbled, excited to tap my phone screen to know the brave person who dared to tie the knot.

Nawala ang ngiti sa mukha ko nang mabasa ang pangalan na matagal ko nang hindi nakikita o naririnig. The name that went taboo to me for a long long time.

The whole message says, “Wedding Invitation: Hello Alice Valencia, the honor of your presence is requested at the marriage of Anastasia Luarez and Kent Michael Cruz on Wednesday, the tenth of February two thousand twenty-one at four o'clock in the afternoon.”

The cursive letters in the email looks like sharp black lines to me, encroaching my vision until they made me dizzy and numb, perhaps I also look pale. I feel an enormous sting in my heart, as if it stops beating. The lines must have kept on stabbing it, squeezing it — killing me. I cannot believe that after six long years I finally saw his name again. But not like this, not in this letter.

I took a deep breath and fan myself with my seemingly non-existent hand. Manhid at nanginginig na kasi ang mga ito. Seriously, I was too surprised my body automatically responded to it. I sighed as a surge of memories from the past hits me. Bumalik lahat ng ala-ala ng sandali kung paano niya plinano ang kasal nila noon.

One day Mike told me, "We'll definitely have a Christian wedding."

He was talking about his girlfriend back then — Ana.

Nakahiga kami sa kulay berde na oval filed matapos mapagod sa paglalaro ng badminton noong senior high school pa kami.

"Ally, Ally. She told me to choose the theme of the reception. Gustong-gusto ko magkaroon ng Star Wars themed wedding, alam mo 'yon?" His voice full of enthusiasm and excitement.

Para siyang baliw na nakatingin sa kalangitan, his hands wide open pretending to photograph the clouds.

Sa mga panahon na' yon ay wala pa akong nararamdaman para sa kanya. Isa lang siya sa mga barkada kong lalaki. One of the boys nga kasi ako.

We could play games all day be it an outdoor or an indoor game. He would even punch me in the shoulder, siyempre yung mahina lang. Sabay din kaming kumakain, noong mga panahon na kaya ko pang kumain ng tatlong plato sa isang upuan lang. Ang takaw-takaw ko noon, no? Pero ano ba ang magagawa ko? I was having fun. It was fun with him. I never considered na maging romantic sa kanya. Sa mga mata ko hindi siya boyfriend material... bagay na naging isang malaking biro sa akin ngayon.

When we were first years in college Mike and Ana broke up. It was the most tiring year for me, at siyempre triple ang pagod nun para kay Mike. He messaged me day in and night out venting all his thoughts about their break up.

"We agreed that if after seven years of break up, kung magkikita ulit kami tapos pareho kaming single pa rin. Boom! It's the sign. We will surely settle to each other and get married," he told me when we were on the way to grab a taxi.

Sabi pa nga niya sa akin that they separated in good terms. There was no third party nor an affair. They just simply fell out of love and got tired of each other. Well, it was not impossible since they had been together for almost four years and college was another level of challenge for anyone in our age. We were also young and energetic. Mga panahon na kahit ang mga pangaral ng magulang namin ay nababalewala, mga panahon na walang makakapigil sa aming lahat na maglaro at maglakwatsa.

Tapos ngayon, they sent me this invitation email for their wedding.

“Sana all na fulfill ang promise sa isa’t isa.”

Natigil ang pagbabalik tanaw ko sa kahapon nang nag-vibrate ulit ang cellphone ko. I tapped the screen to turn it on tapos isang pamilyar na pangalan ang bumungad sa akin. Ang sabi, "Eric the Great.”

I tapped the green button to answer.

"Yes?"

"'Wag mo akong ma yes yes, madam. Nasaan ka na?" Sigaw niya sa kabilang linya, halatang-halata sa boses niya ang pagkainip. Kanina pa siguro ‘to naghihintay.

"Nasa bahay ko?" I reluctantly answered.

"What? Nasa bahay ka pa? Hindi mo ba nakita anong oras na? Malapit na mag ala una!" Mas malakas pa niyang sigaw. I think he finally snapped

Galit na galit, gustong manakit.

"Oo na, oo na, oo na. Sige, andyan na," sagot ko sa hindi interesadong paraan.

Nakakalungkot lang dahil everything just becomes unimportant to me after receiving the mail.

"Kararating ko lang sa faculty, halika ka na rito. Like ngayon na, bilis." Then he dropped the call.

Ericcson Sanchez, he is my co-worker, a Science teacher din. He is two years senior to me in this profession. When I was a newbie, he taught me a lot of things from A to Z. Like, how to catch the children's attention, how to maintain respect inside an interactive classroom environment, how to not procrastinate, at madami pang how-to's in teaching.

Nag-aral ako ng education for four years but everything is so different when I start doing it professionally. It's awfully exhausting yet fulfilling at the same time. Alam na siguro ng lahat ang mga ganyang drama sa buhay.

Back to Eric. Aside of being a mentor he's also my workplace buddy. I have several of them but Eric is the closest to me. There's nothing particularly exceptional in our friendship, except the usual confidant role. We simply trust each other. Period.

Besides, he is a bisexual. Honestly, I thought he was straight then I found this picture he had on his phone with his now ex-boyfriend. It was then that I thought he's gay but after a year of misunderstanding he opened up to me and told me he's bi. Humingi pa nga ako ng tawad dahil sa misunderstanding na nangyari.

Well, isa lang ito sa maraming bagay na gusto ko sa kanya as a person. He's honest to himself and to other people.

Ah, isa pa, I called him Mr. Sanchez before, then few months later it was Mr. Ericcson, until we got closer and the respectful article was gone without notice, tapos naging Eric na lang. It was a natural flow of friendship o sa kung ano man ang tawag ng iba sa process na 'yan.

I grabbed my luggage and my handbag. I have to go. I have more important things to do. Unlike before I have a lot of time to be depress and feel my broken heart under my bedsheets. Pero ngayon? I don't even have the luxury to watch a Netflix series in a holiday. All I can do is to pour all the pain by telling this to Eric.

Naalala ko bigla na hindi pa pala alam ni Eric ang tungkol kay Mike.

I tried forgetting Mike that's why I refrain myself from mentioning him. Pero mukhang wala na akong iba pang mapagpipilian ngayon.

Ah! I do have one. May isa pa akong choice. I can write poems and shower my words in pain then cry in the corner. Ngunit pagod na ako na gawin ang mga ito. Enough writing words that will never reach his heart. Enough shedding tears to what has long gone. I am no longer the 19-year-old hopeless romantic girl. I can't imagine myself going back to how I was.