An Escape to a New Self

The Roommate

Han Na poked her head around her bedroom door when I entered. Her small round face turned into a cheesy grin. With a towel wrapped around her head and wearing a worn-out T-shirt and sweatpants, I could tell she had already called it an evening. Han Na dressed in her sleepwear meant there were no trips out unless it turned into an emergency. Emergencies did not happen because Han Na prepared herself for any sort of tragedy. That is what I liked about her. She prepared for everything where I did not.

Our apartment fell on the smaller side if I am being completely honest. The small living room was decorated in almost a shabby chic style. An overstuffed beige couch with faux fur throw pillows sat in the middle of the room with a small coffee table piled with magazines. On the wall hung the TV and a couple of pictures scattered about. It felt warm and comforting.

The kitchen led right off the living room along with the bedrooms and the bathroom. Han Na’s room looked delicate with soft, white pillows thrown on her bed. She also placed a vanity in there with moisturizers in various corners. A white bookshelf stood along the wall filled with her old college books and pictures framed from various times in her life.

My room looked to be a potpourri of bedroom items. My bed I found in a furniture store when I first moved in. The nightstand and lighting were random items I found through a community forum with Han Na’s help. The only thing that said this was my room was the small framed picture of my parents.

“So,” she said, bouncing onto the couch. “You need to tell me about this weird experience.”

I relayed all the information about Jae hopping into the cab and adding my number to his phone. She listened to every word I said even if I did feel as if I rambled on. I wanted to make sure I left no detail out about how everything happened and spiraled from that small incident.

“He could have just pardoned himself and grabbed another cab. I am not sure why he needed to be in my cab and leave that area right then and there.” I concluded.

Han Na thought for a moment. Her slender fingers rubbed her chin in the thinking position. I knew that look, though. We were friends for far too long; starting as dorm floor buddies and switching to renting an apartment. This just meant she knew what she wanted to say but needed to draw it out to seem as if she thought long and hard about the situation.

“Be careful, Cat,” she warned. “Men like the idea of meeting Western women and toying around with them. You are all fun and games until you fall hopelessly in love with them, and then they will ghost you. Ghost you, I say!”

I got up from my chair and made my way to the fridge. “You don’t have to worry about that, Han Na. I have sworn off love. Or have you forgotten?”

“Oh, you think that,” she said as I returned to my seat with yogurt in hand. “I know you say you have sworn off love, but when some handsome Korean man-boy is telling you ‘Oh, you are so beautiful.’ or ‘I can see us together in the future.’ You will not melt into their hands. I know you, Cat.”

“And I didn’t fly halfway across the world to end up falling for some guy. I came here to discover myself and have a fun adventure with my best friend.” I gave her a cheeky grin. “Who I haven’t seen since we graduated from college.”

She scowled at me. “And whose fault is that? I told you that you could come and see me whenever you wanted to, but you and I were at two different points in life. I moved back here to be with my family and get started on a career. You were planning a wedding.”

I stood up. “As you can see, I am here now with no ring on this finger.” I showed her the left hand. Once I looked up at my bare hand, I started feeling a wave of nausea. I slowly sat back down in my chair.

“I don’t know where it went wrong!” The tears started to well up in my eyes. I tried to gather up some composure, but the awful feeling took over, and the tears started to drip down my face. “I gave him everything, and I got nothing in return.”

Han Na rose from the couch and put her arms around me. Her warmth and gentle embrace made me cry harder. No matter how many times I tried to stop, my mind kept reeling everything over and over again. The happy memories, the sad ones, and the last few days when everything fell apart. Over and over again, they whirled. And just like my tears, the memories would not stop.