The Life of Zara

CHAPTER ELEVEN

After yesterday, there is one thing on my mind. All I could think of is finding answers from aunty Hafsa. After setting breakfast for Zara, I rushed out of the house without considering the time. I drove to her house in less than five minutes and I am impatiently knocking the gate. Damn! They haven't open the gate yet. I check my watch. 7:33 am.

How desperate of you Ahmed. The inner me mocked and I ignored me or is it him?

I felt relief when I heard the sound of footsteps. The lock clicked and the gate opened.

"Ina kwana" (good morning) Hawwa greeted. I replied a quick morning and walk passed her.

"Who is it?" I heard aunty hafsa's voice before she came into view.

"My son did something happen? Is everything okay? Her face showing worry and concern."

"No everything is okay." I smiled. "I actually came to check on you."

She nodded her head but the look she gave me told me she doesn't believe me.

"Come meet me in my room."

I walked passed the living room and made my way to her room. She was already sitting on the bed with one of her legs dangling. She had on a hijab she wasn't wearing earlier. Before I could open my mouth to say a word she's already talking.

"What happened?"

"Nothing. How's your body I asked instead."

"I'm fine. But I know you didn't come here early in the morning banging my gate like that to ask how I'm feeling."

"Is something wrong with Zara?"

"No. I.. I came to ask you about her."

"What about her?"

"I want to know everything about her. I want to know who is she."

She smiled and stared at me.

"Is something wrong?"

" Is just that I realize I don't know anything about her.. And.. She's having.. This nightmares.. And "

"It's okay. I have been waiting for this day. I thought it was never coming that's why I told you to come see me. If I had been a little more patient."

"Zara.."She smiled bitterly and I could only stare at her.

"She was a cheerful girl."

Was?

"She was a talkative. She's smart and strong. One of the strongest people I know. She's kind."

"But she's pitiful."

"What do you mean?" I asked because I don't like the suspense.

She ignored my question and continued.

"When I went to look for your uncle. I met with her family."

"A beautiful but broken family."

There is this sad and distant look in her eyes. She doesn't seem to be with me.

"She was with her mother and brother. They are immigrants that escaped the war. You know the war that took place in Mumbilah?"

I nodded speechless.

"They escaped from there. They were able to survive. They have seen and experience so much. They have watched their love ones die. Slaughtered and killed. Family and friends. They fled without being able to give them proper burial."

"When I met them. I learned they lost their father on the run. They don't know whether he is alive or dead. Her mother is weak and her brother is young. they had nothing because they fled and left everything behind. All they could manage was a small shelter. But they are contented. They are happy with what they got. They tried hard to survive. The two kids helped at farms to feed their family."

"But the neighborhood was not good. Guys started making advances at Zara. Her mother felt she couldn't protect her and she couldn't get her married either. She has nothing. "

"She always slept with fear in her. Zara only had her. She doesn't want her daughter to be a victim of r**e. We got close over the months. Most times Zara will sleep over. She felt my house is more secure and it is. "

"When I was about to leave. She gave me Zara. She felt she couldn't protect her own daughter."

"Zara didn't want to come. But she was forced to."

"Since she came here, she was another person. Quiet and distant. She's not happy here. She missed her family. It has been four years. We lost contact with her mother. She used to borrow phone and call. But I really don't know what happened we lost touch. I pity her. I feel sorry for her. Sometimes I want to regret bringing her here but I can't. She's safe here. And now that I realize it, it was fate all along that brought her here. The fate of being your wife."

I stared at her speechless. I couldn't form a word. This feelings. This mixed feelings. I don't even know what I was feeling. I let the information sink in first. But I have to know this.

"Did Zara asked to marry me? Is that why you asked me to marry her?"

"So that is what they told you." She mused.

"When I realized I have cancer. My first thought is Zara. I know that many people in this family do not like her. Including Hawwa and your mom. They say awful things about her. They have never shown her any love. Zara is a good girl. They think I don't know but I do. There's just nothing I could do about it."

"What will her life be like if I had to die? What if they ask her to leave? She is entrusted to me. I finally decided to get you two to marry. I know you will be good for each other. She's possibly the best wife you could have. I raised you. I know you would take care of her and protect her. You both are amazing people and I know you will save each other. "

"I've been terrible to her" I murmured.

I'm at lost for words. I'm a devil. She's broken and lost. I shattered her. I was a monster to her. I was not different from the people here. I hurt her. I called her names. I derived her of her only friend. I let her slept outside on a cold rainy day. Can I even call myself a human? I am the devil to her. God knows how much she hates me. I feel pity, my heart swelling with love, adoration for that strong woman. Disgust and shame for myself.

There is this other feeling of anger towards my family. How could my own mother do this to me. How could she lie to me. Fool and manipulate me.

"I'm entrusting Zara to you. She's your wife. She deserves to be loved Ahmed. "

I let the words sink in. I'm at lost. I don't think Zara will forgive me but I'm selfish I'm still going to work for it. I'll mend her back and return the twinkle in her eyes. The laughter in her life. I'll do my best for her.

"Aunty hafsa?"

"Hmm.."

I didn't realize she was crying.

"What about her parents? Did you try to look for them?"

"They left the village. We tried to track them down but at some point we couldn't proceed."

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After leaving aunty Hafsa's place, Ahmed drove straight home. He has been in the car for more than an our contemplating his life. He just had to face it head on. He jumped out of the car and walk inside the house. He heard noises and realized that the TV is on. When he entered Zara has her back to him watching frozen. He stared at her for a full minute before calling her name.

"Zara.." He whispered his voice rough with emotion.

She turned to find him standing and staring at her. His eyes are red and bloodshot. Showing raw emotions she couldn't read. But their Is definitely anger in it. Did she do anything wrong? As far as she's concerned she knew she hasn't done anything that is wrong. When she look at him again the anger was gone and he has this soft look. He looked like a vulnerable lost child. But she could be wrong she thought. She immediately stood to her feet alarmed.

Ahmed stared at his wife. He's seeing her in a completely new light. There is no more hatred and disgust. Instead he see a beautiful woman. A strong woman. Broken, vulnerable and a lost child. He look at her With adoration. He remembered the first time he saw her drawing on the sand with a stick at aunty Hafsa's backyard. She was singing and her voice was angelic. She look so beautiful and he found himself fascinated by her. That was when he first had a crush on her. This is the woman he is seeing now. She's his wife. Her eyes held a story and secrets.

"Yaya Ahmed.."

He realized he has zone out.

"I promise you I didn't do anything. I was waiting for you here. I wanted to talk to you."

He just stared at her wondering where it's coming from she took that as her cue and continued.

"I'm sorry. I realized I only think of myself. I never thought of how your forced into this marriage against your will. I never thought whether you have someone you want to marry. What I'm saying is that can we just tolerate each other for a while until we go our separate ways. I promise you I won't stick around forev"

Ahmed didn't want to hear it all. He rushed the remaining distance between them and engulfed her in a bone crushing hug.