Can the bad girl change?

Chapter nineteen - What will happen with us?

Emma's POV:

I haven't talked with Ricky since yesterday. I feel embarrassed and awkward being around him. I can't believe that we did it. This is happening way too often. We were close as friends, but now...Things feel different. When we are drunk there is nothing more than friend intimacy or that's what Lexi has told us. She always has said that there were just a couple of cheek kisses and me sitting on his lap. Or maybe she hides something from us. I don't even know did I like it, because I don't remember it. Neither Ricky. The drink is definitely helping us, but I'm starting to wonder is it only that or there are actual feelings. No, that's impossible. Ricky is my friend and that's it. Nothing more. I'll call Lexi. Maybe she can tell me what to do. 

- Hey, Lexi, can I talk with you? It's important.

- Sure. What's the problem? You sound a bit worried. Did something happen since yesterday?

- That's for what I want to talk about with you. Since then I haven't talked with Ricky. I don't know what to tell him and to be honest, I'm not the only one. We are staying apart. Before you think it, he isn't mad at me or me at him. Just things are a little bit awkward. 

- I think you two have to talk and for once to make things clear between each other. You can't keep ignoring him, neither he - you. Emma, you're not kids. 

- I know, but I don't know what to tell him. Should I apologize or not? I don't even remember it. Nothing of it. And that's why I want to ask you something.

- Go on. What do you want to know? 

- Before Friday night has something else, besides what you have told me, happened? I mean something different than the usual. But be honest. I want to know everything.

- I told you that nothing else has happened. Well before Friday night. Usually, you two are talking and laughing on your own. Have fun like normal friends. And you kissed his cheek a couple of times, but how I said I won't count it because I have done the same thing with Aaron and he is my best friend. You two have never kissed, so you can calm down. 

- I can't calm down, because I don't want to ruin our friendship. Ricky means a lot for me the same as you guys. Moreover, I want to feel comfortable around him. 

- Emma I understand you, but you have to talk with him. I can give you advice, but it's up to you what will happen. After all the decision is yours. But if you ask me I think that maybe you should try with Ricky.

- You want me to go out with him? There is no chance. Lexi, he is my best friend. I can't go out with him. It's like you and Aaron to start dating.

- In my defense, I'll say that I have thought about it. But it was going to feel like dating your brother. Then I met Hunter and you know the rest. 

- Yeah, but still I won't do it. 

- Emma I will agree if this has happened one, two even three times. But this is always. When we get wasted you two get really close. More than usual. Yes, the drink is helping, but I am not sure that it's only that. I think that you two maybe have feelings for each other and getting drunk is the way to express it. Then you get more confident and both are ready to say it. Maybe not with words, but you get the idea. 

- All I want is to feel good around my best friend. Do I want way too much?

- Maybe you're not meant to be only friends. - Lexi chuckle

- Lexi, you're not helping me. I'm serious. I have no idea how to talk with Ricky. I don't want him to feel weird being around me. I just want a normal talk, but I'm not sure are we ready for that. 

- The answer is in you. It might sound like a cliché, but why don't you ask your heart. That may help you.

- I don't know. I have to think. A lot. Oh, Ricky is coming home. - I saw him entering the house

- Now or never. You need to make things clear. But whatever it happens for me you two always will be best friends. Don't let something change it, ok?

- Yes. Thanks, Lexi. Even though you didn't help much I appreciate that. 

- That's why I'm here. Plus I don't understand much of relationships, no matter that I am in one. 

- Ok, I'll go now. Bye Lexi. - I said and end the call

Ricky went into his room without even saying a word. I know he isn't mad, but I still feel bad. Lexi is right that I have to talk with him, but I don't know how. Neither what to tell him. I don't want to lose our friendship, because of that. But at the same time, I don't want to feel awkward around him. Neither him around me. I decide that the best thing, for now, is to act like this didn't happen and just to go check him out as a friend. I knock on his door.

- Come in. - I heard him say

- Hey, it's me. Can I come in?

- Yes, sure. Is there a problem?

- That's what I was going to ask? You seem worried. Did something happen? You know you can share with me if you want. - I said sitting on his bed

- No, nothing happened. I am just tired. That's it.

- Are you sure?

- Yes, I am Emma. You don't need to ask hundred times. - he snapped at me

- Ok, you no need to get mad. - I said and get up 

I was about to leave when he stopped me. 

- Emma, don't go. I'm sorry. I just can't stop thinking about it. I don't want to lose my best friend. Will you stay?

- Yeah, sure. And I understand. You're not the only one. I don't want things to change, but it's happening way too often. 

- I know and I don't know why. And the fact that I don't remember it, makes it worse. I'm sorry about it. I never wanted this to happen. Will you forgive me? Please.

- Ricky, it's not your fault, neither mine. We should blame only the alcohol. - I said chuckling

- Well...that's not wrong - he said laughing

I lay down and rest my head on his shoulder. When I realize it, I was about to get up, but he stopped me. Instead, he wrapped his hand around me. This is new for sure. But if I have to be honest it's comfortable. 

- I don't bite, so you can calm down. C'mon Emma you know me for years. Why now do you decide to get shy? I swear before you were different. 

- People change. We grow up and realize a lot of things. What we want and where we want to be.

- And with who. We choose our friends. Just like how I did. And I'm not sorry about it. - he looked at me with a smile. 

I'm not going to lie I like it. The smile and all the words which he said. I like to be wrapped in his arms. Aghh, what is going on with me? I think that Lexi is right. Maybe I like Ricky. Just haven't realized it yet. Somehow I feel like something will go wrong. Hopefully not. I don't want to lose my best friend. I was lost in my thoughts when Ricky called me.

- Emma, are you ok? For what are you thinking? You have that worried look on your face.

- Nothing, forget it. It's not important.

- How can I when you look like that? If it's for Friday night forget it. It won't happen again.

What if I want it to happen again or maybe a couple of times. I need to stop before I do something, which I'll regret. I turn around to look at him. And that was a huge mistake. I get lost in his eyes and did the most stupid thing ever. Remember how I said that this won't happen again. Well, I lied, because I just kissed him and I'm not talking about a cheek kiss. When I pull apart he looked at me with a blank expression on his face. 

- Ricky, I'm so sorry about this. I should never do this. I know it was stupid and I promise you to never let it happen again. You might be confused right now and I totally understand that. I'm really sorry and don't worry I'll go and leave you. 

But before I could say anything else or try to get up I was pulled for another kiss. I just stood there like frozen. Does this mean that he wants to try with me? When we pulled apart he looked at me and said only one thing.

- You should never apologize to anyone for your feelings. 

- So now what? We are friends with benefits? - I chuckle

- I was going to say something else, but if that's what you want, I'm ok with it.

- I don't even know what I want. I mean I like you, but I don't know is it that way? You know...

- Don't forget that we already have done it. We may not remember it, but that doesn't mean that it hasn't happened. - he said which made me laugh

With that without even thinking I just pull him into me for another kiss. Well, it started as a kiss. Then other things happened. After 10 minutes he was shirtless on top of me, not like I mind. Ricky used to train like 2 years ago. I don't know why he stopped, but his body hasn't changed much. We made out for good half an hour before we decide to stop. I have never imagined that this will happen. Especially with my best friend. 

- You know that we have to tell the rest or at least Lexi. She is guilty that it has happened. - I said chuckling

- I know, but let's leave it for tomorrow. I want to take a little nap. Want to join me? It'll be only a nap I promise. - he laughed

- Sure. I would love that. 

Ricky put his shirt back on and I sniggle. Now I understand why Lexi loves snuggling. It's really comfortable especially when you do it with the right person. I kissed his cheek and fall asleep. This is the best way to sort things. Now I can say it: I love Ricky Johnson.