Undone by a Broken Angel

40.) Refusal

"If you again refuse to let him go,"

-Exodus 9:2

Abigail:

I can’t tell if it’s night or day; I can’t tell the time at all.  I can’t feel the night air, I can’t see the moonlight, and I can’t hear the usual sounds of crickets that chirp to the starry skies or the birds that sing to fill the silence.  I’ve only been down here for half a day and I’m itching to get out.

I’m sitting at my dresser, facing the mirror.  My face is glowing in its reflection- illuminated by the ten candles I lit and placed around me- the candles’ heat warms my frigged skin.  My reflection looks worried, sad, and frustrated.  My green eyes glisten with oncoming tears.  Too much has happened in too short a time.  My reflection also shows that my body has grown muscle tone and it gives me a round look and it makes me thankful for those days flying with Abe.  He has bettered me in so many ways.

I’m thinking about my music.  Something inside me clicked, and I know I had little control over it.  It took over my entire body; I lost feeling in my hands.  What’s more, it felt like I was watching my life in the notes that passed through me.  The images I saw confuse me, but it’s making me wonder about my past even more.  I’ve gained more clues that make my thoughts go round in circles.  I saw my mother’s face, but not Katrina’s.  We weren’t in Eden, the orphanage, or the house in Venice either.  We were here, but why?  There’s something important that they never told me, something that I have to know.  And another thing I saw was a little boy, a few years older than I.  The same boy I saw before in a memory.  This time, I saw his eyes, and they were golden brown.

But what about my music now?  It seems to heal to an extent.  But it wasn’t enough to cure Abraham.  What if I played longer?  Would that have cured him, or just eased the pain for a longer period of time?  Maybe I can cure him by taking my music in the purest state and expose him to it.  I need to try something.  I have to try it.

I’m so lost in thought that I’m no longer looking at my reflection.  A sound, however, breaks my trance.  I hear familiar footsteps come towards my room.  I know it must be Abe.  He knocks, but he never knocks.  I allow him to enter anyway.

“Good evening, Princess,” he says.  This is not Abraham- he’s speaking too proudly.  Abe would never use this kind of sensual tone with me.

I spin and wrap my robe around me.  His eyes look at me differently than Abe’s do.  I see hunger in them.

“It seems you were expecting my brother,” he smirks.

I now understand the difference in their gaits.  David’s is heavier, but the rhythm is the same.  “I prefer if you call me Abigail, please.”

He chuckles, “It seems Abe was right about that.”

What did Abe tell him about me?  Why would he reveal my dislikes?  What else did he inform them about me?  “Why are you here?”

“Oh, don’t talk to me with that tone, Princess.  We know each other enough for you to treat me fairly.  I did heal your valuable hands, did I not?”

“What do you want, David?”  My voice is sharp, and I’m growing impatient with this conversation.

“Abraham is busy at the moment, so he sent me to check up on you.  But it seems that you are well enough.”  He looks at me with those scary eyes again and I tug the robe I’m wearing around me even tighter.

“You’re lying.

“Why do you say that?”

“Abraham will come check up on me when he’s finished with his work.  He doesn’t need others to do that for him.”

He smirks, “And that’s where you’re wrong.”

I hate this about him, I’ve decided, the games he plays and the way he stares at me.  His eyes trail over my body that leaves me feeling vulnerable with embarrassment- not at all compared to his brother.  “Explain,” I demand.

“He’s preparing to leave you.”

His words cut deep in my heart.  My stomach drops to the floor and my breathing becomes panicked.  My burning skin freezes over, and I suddenly have to go.  I knew it would happen soon, but not the very day I thought of it. I need to stay calm.  I need answers.  “Is he now,” I choke out.  “Where- where is he going?”

David shrugs, leaning on the doorframe.

“Take me to him,” I demand.  “Take me to him now!”

“No.”

“Now!”

“Why do you insist on loving him?”

“Just do it, David, before I lose my patients.”

He bows, “Yes, Princess.”

I fight the urge to beat him as he leads me out into the maze of hallways.  I memorize the path he leads me on, left turn, left turn, skip one, right turn, and so on.  We stop in front of an ordinary looking door.  The only significance it has on it is the large onyx nested in the center of his door.  “This is his room,” David says.

“Thank you.  I no longer need your services today,” I say, dismissing him.

“Now hang on, I’m responsible for you right now.  Just let me wait-”

“I’m responsible for myself and for you, in case you have forgotten.  Do as I say.”

He hesitates until he decides to listen to me.  I watch him disappear down the hall before I knock on Abe’s door.  There is no answer.  “Abe, I know you’re in there.”  Still nothing.  “Open up, Abraham!”  I hear a shuffle and then the door creaks open.  Abe frowns down at me.

“What do you want?” he asks.

“An explanation.”

“Of what?”

“Of why you keep things from me, of where you’re going, and why you’re going.”

He walks back into the darkness of his room, leaving the door open.  I follow after him and let my eyes adjust.  The walls are painted a brown color and his bedding- so neatly made- is a deep black.  He has a desk, dresser, and nightstand all made from the same dark wood.  He only has three candles lit on his desk.  Was he writing a letter?  To whom?  Teacher?  He lights a lamp- the light drowning out most of the darkness- and tells me to sit.  I seat myself at the edge of his bed.  “I see this matter is important to you,” he says, standing in front of me.

“How can you tell?”

“You’ve never come looking for me before.”

Come to think of it, he was the one always finding me.  He’s always been close by or in the next room.  Why have I never sought him out?  Is it because I know he’ll come to me when I need him?

“You know that I can’t tell you everything, Princess,” he tells me and it’s impossible to read his expression, but I can feel he’s pushing me away.  Is that why he’s calling me princess?  He was kissing my neck so wonderfully not three hours ago, and now he’s trying to put distance between us.  I won’t have it.  “Why did you send David to my room?”

His head snaps up and he finally looks at me, his expression both angry and shocked.

“How ridiculous!  Do you honestly believe that?”

“No.  I just had to make sure.  Tell me what you’re keeping from me,” I demand to know.

He takes a deep breath.  “Nathanael has ordered my return.  My sole return, Princess.”

Nathanael is behind this?  “When?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Why?”

“He has a mission for me.”

“Where will you go?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugs, deflating into a half seated position on the edge of his bed.  He’s looking at me with eyes full of sorrow and I can tell he doesn’t want to leave either.

I knew this would happen.  I knew it all along, didn’t I?  Didn’t we?  I did everything I could to keep from having feelings for him, but I can’t choose who I fall for.  None of us do.  Against the logic I know I possess, this feels like abandonment, like my mother leaving me in the woods.  Suddenly I’m a little girl again, the person I love walking out of my life forever.  “Don’t leave me,” I whisper, feeling the tears spilling over.

“I have to.”

The damn breaks and water falls from my eyes freely and I don’t try to stop them.  I want him to see my grief.  I can’t take it.  I’m losing him tomorrow!  I can’t leave his room or we will go to sleep in separate rooms and in the morning he will be gone.  I sink further into his bed, rooting myself in place.

“Don’t cry,” he whispers.

I look up at him and see slow tears stream down his face.  He’s not supposed to cry!  He’s supposed to comfort me and tell me that it’s going to be okay, but we both know it’s not.  We’re not destined to be together, no matter how much we love each other.

“You’re the only one I’ll ever feel this way for,” I sob.

“I carry a deadly disease that can kill everyone but me, and you’re the only one left who can restore our race.”

I flinch at his words.  What’s the point in making children if there’s no love?  No, there’s something else I want to focus on, something worth doing.  If not for him, then for us.  “Before you go, may I try something?” I ask, wiping away my tears.

“Try what?”

“Your illness reacted to my music, right?”

“Yes, violently.  It hurt like hell.”  He says it matter of factly, as though everyone should know that it was a painful experience.

But it’s not obvious to me.  If it was painful, could a more potent dosage kill him?  I don’t want to hurt him, but would his pain be worth it?  At what point would it be too much?  Would it be hopeless to even try?  “What if you can be cured with my music?”

He pauses but then says, “I can’t be cured.  It hurt like hell, Princess.  Anything more than that and I think I’d be dead.”

“Abby!  Say Abby!” I yell at him in frustration, wanting to hear the way my name rolls off his tongue.

“You can’t do anything for me,” he insists.

“Yes I can!  Let’s at least try!” I object, hearing my voice grow louder and more desperate.

“That’s enough,” his firm demands, but his voice doesn’t phase me.

“But, what if I can take whatever it is in me in the purest state and-“

“Enough!”  His voice rings out and plays over and over in my mind, and I clamp my mouth shut.

I can feel the painful tears swell up in my eyes this time.  Now an overpowering emotional sadness overwhelms me, and letting him see me like this is the last thing I want.  I get up and run.  I don’t look back as I sprint out of the room and into the unfamiliar labyrinth of tunnels.  I have no idea where I’m going.  All I’m concerned about is getting away- to run until I can’t run anymore.  He’s leaving me.  The pain of it is settling like a stone in my heart.  I’m truly alone now.

I find myself in an unfinished section of the underground house and quickly decide that this must have been a section where they trained all the falcone soldiers.  I find an adjacent room that’s completely furnished and curl up in a couch, falling asleep shivering.