Self Portrait

Dear Mom

August 22, 2001 was the day I was born, my mom left me I was torn

Ever since then I felt numb, raised by a nun

Fast forward 3 years later, I was adopted, felt as if I was finally wanted

Time passes, and life was burning into ashes, I need to get more matches

My adoptive mom was like a ticking time bomb, with heart failure,

she needed a heart defibrillator, scratch that we need a prayer

I got so many issues, dealing with this news, praying that my mom will make it out okay because I swear it felt like she was in the hospital everyday

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her, my whole life has been a blur

I wish it would occur to her that she has not been around, I felt let down

Nevermind that, how about the fact that she was abusive, waking up to these bruises

Back then I was used to being abused, but what hit me the most was that I was also verbally abused

Fuck you, I hate you, that wasn’t even the worst

I am just getting started, wholehearted, unguarded

2014 was the year that everything fell apart, I had to press restart on my heart

I found out that my mom was having an affair and it wasn't fair

It was a bitter struggle

I felt like I was in a bubble

Got a mouth full of words

But nothing to say

Next thing you know she left me

Never looked back on her family

I needed her so badly, but she turned her back on me

I got a lot to speak now that I am free from her prison

Always had some s**t to say, she always had me in a way

I was thirteen drowning in her hate

I couldn’t figure out how to swim away

She put me in pain, but I always treated her kind

I guess she didn’t see it because she was blind

I am tired of her excuses

I don’t even remember the last time she asked me how I was doing

I shouldn’t even be crying right now, but the times go hard when they come around

I feel so alone, looking out the window for her to come home

I finally accepted that she is gone

But from now on I am going to keep it real, after all of this s**t, it took a long time to heal

Depression and anxiety engulfed my life, then taking a knife listing the reasons why I wanted to die

All I feel is pain, I hate the way I remember her

She had me at a point, I would have left the entire world behind for her

But she left me behind