I'm Broken

Jane Doe

My peaceful darkness was receding and in my mind I could see myself chasing it and pulling at the edges like it was a curtain in a theater. It slipped from my grasp as noises started to filter into my head. A steady beeping was first, followed by a voice I did not know. Who ever was talking, his words were slow and deliberate as he explained something to someone else. Next the distinct smell of disinfectant wafted through my nose. I know I should be able to put a coherent thought together to figure out where I am but my mind felt so sluggish, so muddled. With great effort I forced my eyes to open only to flinch as a bright light stung my eyes. The movement I made caused the voice to stop, then quickly start again as I heard him call for a nurse and usher whoever he had been talking to from the room. I tried to open my eyes again, this time it seems as though someone had dimmed the lights. As I blinked a few times to focus my blurred vision the indiscernible blob in front of me morphed into a woman. She was speaking but like before my mind could not process what the words were. I must have been looking at her with a dumb expression because when she paused to take a breath she clamped her mouth shut, realization coming to her eyes that I couldn't understand her. She simply nodded and went about writing something on a clipboard. My sense of touch came back. I could feel the rough, overly starched sheets and blankets around me, the same of the night gown I was in. Finally the word came to me, hospital. I was in the hospital, but why? I sifted through my own mind for memories, what had put me here. After great difficulty it felt like a dam broke in my head. Everything came back. The beating, the r**e, the drunken slur of his words as he accused me of cheating in him, and finally the dirt and gravel that clung to his boot as it came to meet my face. Matt, I was here because of Matt. Fear coursed though my veins as I frantically looked around, what once was steady beeping was now more urgent like a bomb on its last few seconds. I saw the doctor who had been speaking before, he was talking to the woman, alarm in their eyes. Next thing I feel is a prick in my arm before everything in me calms down. I lay back and fall into the darkness once more.

When I come to again all of my mental faculties are as they should be, well, slow but there. It's dark this time, silent. I look around only to see a dark figure in a chair. s**t! Matt! As quietly as I could manage I tried to pull the various tubes and monitors off of me and out of me. The machine next to me starts going off, alerting anyone and everyone in the nearby vicinity that I'm awake. s**t! s**t! Alarm bells of my own are going off, I see the person in the chair jump awake. As I push myself off of the bed, my legs give out. The lights flicker on as I hit the cold tiled floor. Nurses rush to me, looking just as panicked as I feel.

"Miss! Miss! You must stay in bed!" the brunette one calls to me as her and two others rush to my side to lift me. They get me back into the bed but all I can focus on is the figure in the corner. His dirty blonde hair sticking out every which way before he runs his hand through it, his dark brown eyes looking worriedly at me. He is a big guy. He is wearing a cut. s**t. s**t. s**t. I don't know him, but my time with Matt has taught me that anyone who dons that type of leather vest is bad news. As the nurses fuss over me I finally realize I had a death grip on one of their arms, my body is shaking and I'm not sure if its adrenaline or fear.

"Miss? Can you hear me?" My head snaps to the nurse, I can feel how wide my eyes are.

"Y-yes" Trying to speak hurts. My throat is scratchy and my mouth dry. The muscles I'm using to project the noise feels weak. My hoarse voice sounds foreign to my own ears. I try again, "Wa-Water?" I finally manage to croak out.

The blonde nurse rushes out and back in, raising a styrofoam cup to my lips. I try to gulp it down as greedily as I can but she pulls it away.

"Miss you've been out for quite some time, you will need to take it slow." I simply nod trying to process her words. I'm safe. Right now, with all of these nurses around me I'm safe. So I'm going to use this time to figure out what is going on. I open my mouth to ask a question but shut it immediately as the brunette starts her own line of inquiries.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine." I reply. After the word leaves my mouth I take a moment to realize that I do feel fine. No pain? This realization confuses me and I feel my brows knit as I try to answer my own questions.

"You are at St. Catherine's hospital in Clear Water, Miss. Unfortunately the gentleman who brought you here didn't know anything about you so you were labeled as 'Jane Doe' . Do you remember your name?" The small blonde- I squit my eyes to her badge- Missy informs me. I take a moment to think, should I tell them my name? I have never even heard of this town, I could start fresh, finally get away from Matt. So, I do the only logical thing someone can do to ones caregivers, I lie.

"Jessica, ma'am, my name is Jessica Bloom." I hope my lie is convincing, and my voice is steady. Missy eyes me for a moment, obviously deciding if I'm being honest, but she let's out a sigh and continues to talk.

"Well, Miss Bloom, you came here about six months ago in pretty bad shape. There were multiple fractures and breaks that took a few reconstructive surgeries. Mr. Teag here called 911. You were found in an alley way, we assumed you were assaulted. We ran a... a r**e kit but all DNA came back inconclusive." The last part of her story was said in a hushed tone. Anyone could tell that she was angry at what had happened, that she cared, and that she was so defeated when an assailant couldn't be brought to justice. As I took in her words and mulled them over, I also briefly thought that she was a wonderful person to be in the position she is in, a nurse.

"I can't remember much, but what you said sounds right." The lie was out of my mouth before I could stop myself. When had I become so deceitful?

" All of your vitals are good. The doctor will be back in the morning to check on you. Try to get some rest and maybe some more details will come back to you. If you need anything at all you just press this red button." She pressed a remote looking device into my hand, patting it in an attempt to comfort me. After she walked out of the room the mysterious Mr. Teag approached me, his entire demeanor gentle.

"I call bullshit. On everything. I'm glad to see you're okay but I know the look I saw in your eyes when you tried to run. Saw that very same look in my mom's eyes growing up. You don't have to tell me anything. I'm not going to out you or hurt you. Just, please be safe, and don't go back to whoever you're running from." His voice was soft, a myriad of emotions danced across his eyes as he spoke to me. I bit my lip, not knowing what to reply with. Looking down all I could manage was an almost inaudible "Thank you." He nodded his head once before pressing a small flip phone into my free hand.

"Call me, when they release you, I want to help you. My number is the only one in there" With that last line he was out of the door. I sat there stunned for a moment before my curiosity got the better of me. I flipped the phone open, went to the contacts, and there was one name there, 'Vin'. I stared at it for a moment, asking myself why? My paranoia kicking into overdrive as I remembered when I met Matt. When he took my hand that day he had said the same thing, "I want to help you." I shook my head as I tossed the phone into the trash. Never again, I won't be fooled by kind eyes and a dashing smile. I will get out of this place and I will help myself this time.