Conflicted

The morning after

I wake up to the smell of bacon frying in a pan. My mouth waters and I blink hard to remove the sleep from my eyes. I sit up and realize I'm in my living room. Only after I rub my face and feel a sharp pain do I remember the bruises that are still healing. All of yesterday's events come flooding back to me. Despite my hunger, my stomach turns. The thought of Preston no longer makes me feel sad and weak, gone is the guilt and fear. Today I feel dangerous levels of anger. I am livid and hurt. I hate Preston. I hate him and I am not afraid to admit it. I have never been an angry person, but what happened on Friday changed me. Fueled by rage and a hunger for both revenge and food, I stand up and follow the smell of bacon into the kitchen. I refuse to let him take over my life. I'd foolishly wasted four years on him and I was betrayed in return. I won't let him break me. Not anymore.

Mom is standing at the stove, her back to me. The bacon sizzles and pops in the grease at the bottom of the pan. Her phone is playing music on the smart speaker we normally keep in the living room and she hums along quietly to herself. I notice a mound of pancakes sitting on the table already, waiting to be eaten.

"Smells amazing," I comment. Mom turns around to face me.

"Good morning, baby girl. I made your favourite. Chocolate chip pancakes and bacon. It's just about ready."

Warmth spreads through my chest. Yesterday made me hate Preston, but the love I've always shared with my mother has only increased. She knew just how to handle this, last night she held me while I cried and told me she was proud of me for how I handled things. She knows to let me take this at my own pace. She knows exactly when to talk about it, and when to just keep up with the normality I'm used to. Mom always taught me to hope for the best in life but also to prepare for the worst. She's raised me to be strong, and continues to do so.

"Thank you, Mama. Did you camp out in the living room with me last night?" I pop a seat at the breakfast bar that faces the stove.

"Yep, you fell asleep just before Kate left so I slept with you on the main level instead of trying to haul your body upstairs. I thanked her, again. I also invited her over to dinner. I believe she left you a note on the fridge..." Mom is a terrible actress. It's painfully obvious she's read whatever the note says. I snap my head over to the fridge and dart over to snatch up the small square of paper. Her contact information.

Kate

Unit 1220,

2401 Donsdale Blvd

226.0191

Simple. Casual. My palms start to sweat.

"I'll be right back," I mumble to my mom as I pace back down to the living room and search for my phone. I find it, stuffed into the crack where the seat and back cushions meet.

The screen lights up and I swipe the lock screen open. I press on my contacts, type in Kate's information and select "Send Text Message".

Hey, it's Peyton.

Thanks for leaving your number.

Sorry for passing out on you.

I hope my mom behaved herself?

Three dots appear, showing me Kate is immediately typing a response. My heart flutters with nerves.

Kate

Good morning, I hope you

slept well. I'm stoked that

you're texting me, I was

worried you wouldn't.

The three dots come back, I wait to respond.

Kate

You needed the sleep. ♡

You were exhausted, I

was pretty tired when I

left too. Your mom is very

nice. She invited me over

for dinner.

She mentioned that this morning.

If my mom hadn't beat me to it,

I would have asked to see you myself.

My hands are all shaky and my eyes are glued to my phone. I can't help but feel like my mom had said something to Kate, but I have no idea if it was good or bad. I'm analyzing everything we're sending each other, trying to make sure that my replies to her text are the perfect amount of friendly and casual. I'm all giddy and nervous though, as if I'm texting a crush not a friend. What is happening? I thought all those nerves and sparks from yesterday were caused by the anxiousness and confusion Preston had put me through. Was there more to the hand holding, the intense eye contact, the excitement of being close to her... touched by her...

My heart is pounding. I'm so confused. Two days ago I was dating my long term boyfriend of four years, never once haviny thought of or felt attracted to any woman. Now, come Sunday, I'm feeling tingly and nervous about a girl, who I just met, coming over for dinner with my mother and I.

Am I attracted to girls? Why have I never felt this or wondered it before? Am I into Kate that way, or am I just confused by the immediate connection we made?

There is such thing as instant friendships. I'd really needed a friend and we met, was that all there was to this?

"Come ear your food, love. I'm going to take a quick shower. I'll be right back down," Mom shouts from the kitchen. I hear her make her way to her bedroom, giving me my breakfast and my space for the next half hour.

My phone in hand, I make my plate in the kitchen and sit down at the breakfast bar once more. I take my first bite of pancakes when my phone chimes.

1 New Message

Kate

I'm genuinely happy to

hear that. Are there any

food allergies? I don't

want to arrive empty

handed.

Unless you plan on bringing

a dog as your "plus one",

you're safe, lol.

Kate

You're allergic to dogs?!

That's tragic. :"(

Without realizing, I am piling food into my mouth nervously as we converse. I take a huge drink of water to help move things along.

Mom is, I'm not.

It truly is tragic.

I want a dog someday.

The conversation flows smoothly and effortlessly. Kate and I chat throughout the rest of the morning until Mom forces me to put my phone down and come shopping with her. I'm about to refuse but she cuts me off.

"I have a surprise for you. But you gotta come with me."

I sigh, "Can I stay in the car at least?" I can't bring myself to meet her eyes. I stare at my bedroom carpet.

"I only need you to get out of the car with me for the first stop. I'll make sure no one stares or asks any questions," Mom answers softly. She knows I'm worried about the bruises. We don't live in a very big town. Often, we bump into someone we know while out shopping. I don't want today to be one of those days.

"Fine. Let me shower and get dressed," I sit up from my bed and start walking towards my bathroom.

Mom leaves my room, satisfied. I know she is planning something, I have a strong feeling it includes this dinner with Kate, and I wonder what this all means.

Clean and dressed, I meet mom downstairs where she is finishing a piece of bacon and putting her plate in the sink.

"Ready, Freddy?" She washes her hands quickly with dish soap.

"I guess so," I mutter.