Conflicted

Past & Present

Kate pulls her truck into my driveway, puts it in park and turns off the ignition.

Silence.

Neither of us make any attempt to get out of the vehicle and no one breaks the silence. I'm not sure what to say. After all that we experienced together today, there's no way I can just leave without ever seeing her again... I don't care if this makes me crazy, but I felt a connection snap between us in the last 12 hours of our friendship. I need to thank her in some way... I can't even wrap my head around how much I owe her after all she has done for me.

"Did you want to-"

"Maybe we should-"

We both laugh. "You go first," I say.

"I was about to suggest that we keep in touch, you know? Like through text or, whatever..."

"Truthfully, I don't want you to leave. Maybe that's selfish of me after how much you've already done for me... I just really like having you around. You've managed to make me feel safe and protected during the worst twelve hours of my life. I feel like I've known you forever, despite only meeting you this morning," I'm an emotional mess right now and I can hear the exhaustion in my voice. I just don't want to say goodbye, yet. If I do, I feel like neither of us will know what to say or do later on to initiate conversation again. How do we go through something like this and then just go our separate ways at the end of the day?

Kate doesn't even get the chance to respond before I start talking again.

"It's unfair of me to ask, but did you want to come inside? I think it's high time I start trying to get to know you a little better now that we've spent all day focusing on me and my misfortunes..."

I peak over at her in her seat. The lights from outside are creating a dim orange glow inside of the otherwise dark cab of Kate's truck. Her dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes both look nearly black in this lighting, and I can barely make out her freckles, which are normally very prominent. She has one especially intriguing freckle on the top left corner of her lip. It's kind of hot... I blush feverishly. Whoa, am I actually attracted to this girl? My head is reeling and I'm lost in the quiet and my own thoughts.

"Peyton? Are you okay?"

I snap out of it. Kate had spoken during my daze and I'd missed what she said.

"Oh, um, yeah. I was just, overthinking... I'm sorry. That was rude, I didn't realize I phased out on you," I mumble, embarrassed.

"I'm more than happy to come inside, but are you sure that's what you want? You seem completely exhausted. I'd be more shocked if you weren't after the day you've had. I don't want to over-stay my welcome," Kate wears a weary expression.

"I am exhausted, I could fall asleep right here, right now if that were an option. But my mom isn't home yet and won't be for a while. My older brother lives in Richmond, over three hours away. I really don't want to be alone yet... even though I know Preston can't hurt me now."

"If I stayed, would I be keeping you awake?" Kate sounds so concerned about my level of fatigue.

"Yes, but you'd also be making me feel safe and less lonely," I answer.

"I'll stay with you for as long as you want me to." Kate is visibly happy that I want to remain in her company. If it were anyone else, they would have been relieved to drop me off at home and be rid of me after the chaos of today. Kate is too good to be true. For now, though, I'm more than happy to continue living this fairytale type friendship, or... whatever this is.

Once we're inside, I lock the door and set the alarm for the front and back yard as well as the motion detectors for the sides of the house. Until today, I always thought our security system was complete overkill. Now I wonder if this is even enough. Calm down, Peyton. You did the right thing. The police have him in custody, you gave a full report. You're safe now, Kate is here.

"We can hang out in the living room until my mom gets home. You can leave as soon as she comes in. You don't have to meet her tonight, unless you want to. You're probably pretty drained yourself," I say as she and I both take a seat on my sectional in the living room.

"I'm more than happy to say hi to your mom when she gets here, I'd love to meet the woman you created you," Kate responds.

I smile. That was so cheesy, but I loved it.

"Kate?" She looks over at me. "I don't know how to even thank you for everything. I am so grateful that you found me when I needed you so badly. You made one of the worst days of my life into one of the bests, cause I found you." Great, now I sound cheesy when I meant to sound sincere. Apparently Kate takes what I said seriously, though, because she looks overwhelmed by my gratitude.

"I just did what I felt was right. We both agreed, we were meant to meet each other in this lifetime. I'm happy that I found you when I did, because I was able to help when you needed it," she is blushing but I can tell she is happy that I already feel the strong connection between us.

For hours, Kate and I just sat on my couch and talked. We talked about our childhoods, she told me about her family and her dad. She admits she went to prison. I am so surprised by it all, because never would I have guessed that she was a King or that my sweet, loving, protective Kate would have spent time behind bars. I could tell she was very hesitant to open up to me about her past but in the end she trusted me enough to not freak out, or judge her unfairly because of it. I'm not like most people, I believe a person is more than just a collection of their past mistakes. I see the good in people and today alone proved to me that Kate has a good heart and proper morals. After the touchy subjects were addressed, we chatted lightly. We talked about embarrassing stories, part time jobs, our dream vacations, everything. Eventually, we landed on the subject of relationships, which was bound to happen. Kate already knew about my one and only relationship, obviously, but I knew nothing of the peoplr she's dated.

"I discovered that I was gay in the fifth grade. My best friend at the time, Cassie Gibson, was handing out invitations for her birthday party during recess. She said only girls could come, no boys. Well, you can imagine my surprise when I was not given a birthday invite. After recess as we headed back into the school, I pulled her aside aside asked why I, her best friend, had not gotten an invitation. She was so scared, I could see it in her eyes. Everyone was scared of me in school. When your last name is King, people avoid you like the plague. Cassie had never seemed to mind until that day. I'll never forget her words.

'My mom told me I'm not allowed to invite you over anymore because you dress like a boy. You can't act like a boy and be treated like a lady, that's what mom said.' She ran away so fast, I just stood there, shocked. After that, I went straight back inside and ran for the nurse's office. I was crying so hard she thought I'd broken a bone or something. When she couldn't find the source of my pain and I continued to sob hysterically, she called my Aunt. That woman got to my school so fast I swear she wore down every inch of treat on her tires.

"When she arrived, she found me crying so hard I had the hiccups and got me to explain. I told her that something was wrong with me, I wasn't a real girl like the ones in my school and that I didn't know how to become one. She had no idea what that meant at first, until she realized. Once she did, she signed me out of school, drove me to the nearest ice cream parlor, let me order whatever I wanted and told me about the birds and the bees. She told me that I could be whatever I wanted to be, I could be a girl, a guy, neither or both. She told me I could like girls, boys, neither or both. She said no one got to choose those things but me, and that I still had a lot of growing up to do, so I had plenty of time to figure it all out later. She said that at my age all I needed to know was that I was a kid and that there were tons of other kids I could play with and be friends with, friends that would accept my differences and still love me enough to invite me to birthday parties."

I stayed silent during the whole story. I was genuinely sad that she'd been labeled as gay as discriminated against before she was even old enough knew what being gay meant or that homophobia is wrong.

"I'd love to meet your Aunt someday, she sounds amazing," I say.

"I'll make sure you do. She's really great. She'd love you," Kate assures me.

"I've never even kissed anyone other than Preston," I blurt. Oh God, Peyton. Seriously?! What a stupid thing to say.

"I've never kissed a guy at all, if that makes you feel any better." Kate doesn't miss a beat.

Her laugh sets me off and we sit there giggling. We were so caught up in conversation, neither of us hear my mom enter the house.

"Who's this, sweetie?"

Kate stands up immediately and walks over to her, extending her arm in a handshake.

"My name is Kate. I'm a new friend. Peyton and I met this morning," the handshake is brief and Kate steps back to allow my mother enough room to enter the living area. It looks like Kate is about to politely excuse herself when mom's eyes land on my face and her expression becomes horrified. She rushes towards me in complete maternal panic.

"Peyton, what happened to your face? Your eyes are all red, you've been crying! Is this why you called in sick to work?!" Mom is about to fly off the handle, which is entirely reasonable.

Kate stands awkwardly in the corner and looks like she in debating whether to stay or leave. I still don't want her to leave. I have to tell my mother the truth, which means reliving everything all over again. A lot of today included Kate, though, and it's only fair that she get to stay if she wants to.

"Mom, I'm gonna explain everything, but you need to calm down long enough to listen. Kate spent the entire day with me, she witnessed and experienced a lot and she didn't leave my side throughout all the ugliness," I look over at Kate, then. "You can stay for this, if you want to, but don't feel like you have to. Whenever you need to leave just say the word."

Kate says nothing, she just sits down on the love seat across from me with her hands folded neatly in her lap. That was her way of saying, "It's okay, I'm not leaving you alone for this." I swear, this girl is a savior. I take a steadying breath and for the third time today, I relive the entire attack from start to finish and hope that my mother doesn't fall apart.