Conflicted

Peyton

I should not be driving right now. The tears are blurring my vision and I couldn't make out my speed on the dashboard of my car. I'm hyperventilating now. The further I drive from Preston's apartment building, the harder the realization hits me. I feel dirty, cheap, hurt, anrgy, guilty... I feel every emotion possible running through my mind. I wanted nothing more than to burn my skin off in a scalding hot shower... I wanted to scrub clean every part of my body that Preston had touched. Once I was bloody and bare from removing every memory of him I had, I would crawl into bed and never move again. A honk blared and snapped me back to the present. I realized in my hysterical state that I'd run a red light and nearly hit a minivan.

"Oh, my God," I croaked. Immediately, I pulled over into a bank parking lot. Thankfully, except for one other vehicle, I was alone. As soon as my car was stopped, I broke down. Tears poured from my eyes, snot dripped from my nose, drool leaked from my open mouth as I cried harder than I ever have before. I leaned my head against the steering wheel and let it all out. My shoulders shook and my whole body clenched. My head started to throb. Eventually, I began to form coherent thoughts. I needed to calm down and catch my breath or else I would fall unconscious again. I needed to get to safe place, Preston would be looking for me. I fought down the panic that threatened to take over again. He hadn't seen which vehicle I was driving, he doesn't know to look for mom's SUV and not my champagne coloured Corolla. He would know to check my house, though. Christ, he might even show up at my work. My nose is completely blocked, my entire skull ached, my eyes are red and raw and will not stop producing tears no matter how hard I try to calm down. I have to figure this out. I need some place to hide. I couldn't face my mom right now. In my head I could see the broken expression on her face if she found me like this. She would immediately want to know what was wrong. Could I bring myself to tell her? What would I say? My body trembled relentlessly, but I managed to catch my breath. It was shaky and rough, but I was breathing and the tears had calmed from gut-wrenching sobs to a slow continuous flow down my face. I looked at the time on the dashboard. My shift started three minutes ago. I pull out my phone from my purse and my lock screen illuminates.

8 MISSED CALLS

3 UNREAD TEXT MESSAGES

I swiped open my screen and opened my call log. Seven missed calls and one single text from Preston.

Preston♡

Call me right now

The other missed call and two texts were from Sandra, my manager at work.

Sandra B.

Is everything okay? You're never late, I'm worried.

Sandra B.

Please get in touch with me, Peyton. I've asked Talia to cover your shift.

Guilt seized my chest once more. I knew I had to call Sandra, but I was still in such an awful state. I tried to plan what I would say. I sat there, shaking, holding my phone in one hand when suddenly a figure appeared outside my car and delicately knocked on my window. My head shot sideways and my left hand snapped the lock button on the car door. I realized right away that it was not Preston but my heart rate didn't slow down. The girl from this morning, the one who had seen me in the parking garage, was standing outside my car window, an expression relief mixed with worry on her face. She spoke, the window muffled the sound of her voice.

"Are you okay?"

I felt safe enough to roll my window down a bit. She took that as a sign to repeat herself.

"I'm sorry to startle you, I was just really worried. Are you alright?" Her big brown eyes looked down at me in my car, the soft expression on her face made me feel warm. I couldn't bring myself to speak so I simply shook my head. She continued.

"My name is Kate. I live in the building you just left from, well, for now anyways. I'm moving out next Wednesay. Me and my roommates are living in 3C..." she shifted her weight awkwardly from one foot to the other, a crease formed between her eyebrows and she frowned with obvious discomfort.

"I have no idea why I followed you, I must seem like such a creep right now. I'll leave you alone, I just needed to make sure you were okay. I promise I'm not a stalker or anything," Kate's voice trailed off. She was cringing at herself. I could not fathom why this woman who didn't even know my name would go through all the trouble of following me just to make sure I was okay. I realized it must have been quite the sight this morning as I fell apart in a cold, damp parking garage with absolutely no context. Most people would have just shrugged it off and avoided the situation entirely. Here this girl was, genuinely worried for me and taking time out of her day to check on me. I realize suddenly that I've just been staring at her blankly for far too long. I blurt out the first thing my brain can process.

"I'm running away from my boyfriend, I think he's coming after me," my voice came out raspy and thick. I always struggled to speak clearly after crying, but this morning was like nothing I've ever experienced before. Kate's head starts bobbing a nod.

"Yeah, that's partly why I'm here. He came out after you left... he demanded I tell him which direction you drove off in. I knew better than to tell him, so he got mad and went back inside the building to get dressed. He's probably already driving around, now." Kate was on edge. Clearly her interaction this morning with Preston had not been good. He must have been some kind of awful if she was now worried enough to come find me herself. I shuddered, he has to be sober enough by now... I can't blame his behaviour this morning on the alcohol. I don't know who this new version of Preston is, but I don't like him. Before I can respond to Kate, my phone begins to ring loudly making me jump. I look down at my hand and notice Sandra's contact info on screen.

"Crap," I mumble. For the first time in my life, I press the silence button to stop the shrill ringing sound and ignore the call. It goes to voice-mail and my phone vibrates to notify me. I know I should've answered, but I couldn't.

Kate speaks up again.

"Listen, I know you barely know me. Christ, I don't even know your name, but if you need help you can come with me. I have nowhere else to be right now and I couldn't live with myself if I left you alone like this. Your boyfriend is losing his s**t right now and I don't need to know anything more than that to make me want to stick around. I just want to protect you, if you're okay with that."

I'm already so emotional, I can't help myself and begin to cry once more.

"Yes, please... and my name is Peyton."