Master Gallagher

Called me out

Sometimes we lie to ourselves... I'd like to think we do it often. It's a comforting feeling. At some point, we all want to feel as if we're in control of our lives. Sometimes you're and the rest of the time rarely. If I had known nearly four months ago that my life would turn upside down... maybe just maybe, I would have preferred to stay at the plantations sleeping with swollen feet after each hard day's work. Maybe just maybe, I would not have been ripped off my innocence. I would not have personally known the evil within men... white men... specifically William. He had this look in his eyes that scared me. He also had this look in his eyes that left me wanting. If I said, I entirely hated him then that would render me a compulsive liar. I wanted to hate him, I wanted to be able to walk past him without feeling a pang of guilt.

Afraid... somewhat excited with a good amount of anger. Afraid of what people would say.. how everyone would perceive me after they find out. Elliot hating me for using him. Excited for the child that I would share with William. I could never hate or punish this child for their father's mistakes. None of this was my fault but I had to accept that... I played a part. William's mother mentioned that, if we could lay together and continuously do what we did then I should have expected it. My downfall was trusting William, trusting him with my life when he had told me that he wanted to impregnate me. It was lust and my being naive. Even at this moment, I was naive enough to trust William to always be here for me and now he was up and leaving. It left me with thoughts... did he mean it when he said he loved me?

I had to watch him hold Lady Tracy in his arms, whispering sweet nothings in her ear. I had to watch him be a father to Liam; that made my heart soft. He was a good father, I could never take that away from him. There were always these instances when he was distracted playing with Liam, I'd be watching him from a distance and his eye would always catch mine. It made me jumpy, jumpy and nervous. I did not want him to think we were all right or that I still cared a great deal about him. He was toxic for me, I wanted to leave so badly.  I wanted to run away before he even returned. I just felt helpless... I felt as if I wasn't living and my life was just being played for me and I could not add anything onto it. Anything I wanted to.. but I could decide if I wanted to form some sort of friendship with Elliot. That's why I was standing here in front of a sugar cane plantation with a lunch box that had homemade cottage pie specifically made for him. I felt horrible that I was the reason he was being given more work. This was the least I could do.

"Mr. Stevens!!!" I waved to get his attention from afar. He quickly waved back with a welcoming smile. He pulled me, into a warm hug.

"Looking pretty as always." He said catching his breath as he wiped the sweat off his forehead. I felt bad for him. He was twice my age or even more; he still worked tirelessly.

"Oh, Mr. Steven's.." I chuckled. "Have you by any chance seen Elliot?"

"He was just right behind me.." Elliot'/ father replied. That's when I saw Elliot come into view... he seemed occupied.

He was laughing.

He was eating.

He was with a girl.

Did she bring him lunch?

"I better hurry, Master Cummingham requested of me. It was nice seeing you, missy!"

I did not pay attention to my father inlaw as I watched the interaction between my husband and this girl. I had never ever came across her before, I had already decided I did not like her. I stood there like a fool before they finally got out of their little bubble and noticed me. Her smile immediately fell off her face. I was well aware that she did not like me, that made the two of us!

Elliot came to a halt clearly surprised. I had taken a very long walk to be here and I felt like a fool. 

"Panashe, what brings you here?" Elliot questioned. This caught me off guard because he had never been this cold towards me. He was always nice, kind and humble.

"I brought you lunch... but i guess that is of no use."

"Since when do you bring me lunch?" He asked looking aggravated by my presence, the girl beside him immediately folded her arms waiting for my response. I had never felt this awful.

"I am your wife!" I said confidently. This made the girl beside him laugh hysterically. I did not understand...

Elliot sighed, he seemed to look like he felt bad.

"Miranda, can you give us a minute. You can continue..."

Miranda seemed hesitant before she finally marched away leaving us alone. The sun was out, not the usual England weather that I was accustomed to. Elliot was sweating like a pig, I could tell that he had been out in the field for a long time if not since in the morning before even sunrise.

"You and Miranda seem close.."

Elliot cleared his throat. "I was not expecting you to visit. You should have told me first so I could arrange for a room."

"Excuse me?"

"You said it yourself, you're my wife satisfy me then like you do the whi-" He mocked but immediately cut off his sentence. I decided to ignore it.

"Elliot, why are you acting this way?"

He shrugged, grabbing his two-litre water bottle and taking huge gulps.

"Do you have something to tell me?"

"No!" I said immediately.

"I think you do." He was very persistent.

"I do not. Please stop putting words in my mouth."

"That night..." He paused looking away. "I was not your first was I?"

This made me bite my inner cheeks with so much force. My heart sank, I looked towards the sugar cane sticks. I did not know what to say.

"Why would you say something like that?"

"When we first met, I thought you were an innocent sweet girl but now I know exactly why everyone warned me to stay far away."

I gulped down saliva, I did not know I was holding.

"What are you trying to say.."

"You're Gallagher's girl, every male around these parts knows that except me. Stupid stupid stupid me!"

This knocked the air right out of my lungs. Suddenly bile threatened to come up but I held it in. William's child had the wrong time just like the father.

"That is a very serious disgusting accusation. He is a married man!" I defended myself. Somehow, I was becoming good at this and I hated myself for it.

"That has never stopped anyone.. especially not a n***o girl trying to get up on top of the food chain and gain advances. Who would have thought, as dark as you are? You would be working personally in the Gallagher household. Clearly, that's not the only thing you do there. Just so you know... no man ever approached you because Gallagher junior had already called dibs on you. It makes me wonder why he allowed this to be? I honestly question why he allowed this. I looked like a fool in front of other men when they kept saying you were not a virgin. I defended you but you deceived me. I was foolish enough to think that we were giving each other our first experience. You're a betrayer, nothing absolutely nothing is lower than allowing a white man to manhandle you. You did not bleed and I was naive enough to think that is how it went.."

This made me fume... I did not know how to defend myself after that. "He r***d me.." I finally said. "I hope you're happy now. You have made me feel lower than anything walking under the sun. I suppose we were both wrong, I thought you were a kind humble man but I was wrong. Go be with Miranda, I'm sure no one has exploited her yet but then again it's not as if any of us ever have a choice." Lately, my mouth had a bad case of verbal diarrhea. I only realised what I had said after the damage was was already done. Knowing I would only make it worse..

I immediately marched away and surprisingly... he did not stop me. He did not run after me... He did not follow me, he was not William—

only William did that.

—

Any predictions?