Master Gallagher

Called me an animal

The whole atmosphere was tense. I didn't have anyone to call a friend. I missed the company of Hector, dearly. My mother made it known that she still thought keeping this child was the worst possible decision, I could have ever made. Lady Martha was worried dearly about her husband, from whom she had not had anymore news. It was a trickling feeling of all cut communication, no communication at all. Everyone was anxious as to whether the master will return in a fairly well condition or in a coffin ready to be laid to rest. Many people, really wished him dead. His wife seemed to have mixed emotions. There were times where she sorely disrupted spokes of the matter and spoke of anything else then again; there were times where she re-read the letter over and over again trying to see if she had missed any information. From what I had heard, Lady Martha was not the happiest wife or bride but... it seemed otherwise. Perhaps no matter how bad a person treats you, it is hard to wish them the same because of how much you might have grown fond of them during the many years spent together.

I had busied myself these past three weeks, I had done what William had asked of me. Sir Archie's wife turned out to be very kind and welcoming. She was absolutely astounded at first just as I would but she broke into tears and continuously told me to thank William on her behalf. Seeing the happiness radiate from her when she hugged her two boys, telling them they would be going to school... tugged a few strings on the left side of my chest. Giving birth sounded like a miracle, it instantly becomes love at first sight. I did not like thinking a lot about my pregnancy and what would come off it? If my mother was right and I'd surely regret it... my mother was somehow always right and that scared me, given I doubted I'd ever regret my own child.

Well, with a every breath; I took. Knowing there's a human being growing in my womb was an incredible feeling, joy would not be able to explain the way it felt. I was making a new life, I was having a child who would call me mother and sorely depend on me. The only person who was not somber around these parts happened to be Tracy. I'd like to assume that if I was in her shoes with the things she has done... I'd be afraid. She did not make it seem that way either that or she was a good pretender. The day she finally called me over to her home. I sensed that the worst was merely waiting for me, from the tone of her voice when she ordered me to follow her back.

—

"I'm disappointed..." Lady Tracy looked at me with a straight face. Not knowing why she had called me here... I immediately thought of every possibility. Guilty as charged.

"I'm disappointed and disgusted with you and..." she paused. "William." She said glaring at me.

I gasped, looking towards the door wondering how far I'd need to run to escape through the door. For a moment, I wondered if she would pour hot boiling water on me. If she had a more painful plan... we were both equally pregnant, I doubted but then again she had always been one to bargain with.

"I do not know what you speak of Lady Tracy—" She was so quick and harsh, as to lay her hands on me. I was expecting it. I could see the pain and anger in her eyes. Mine immediately stung with tears. I always thought about the day this confrontation would come about. I always imagined with a raging heart, how my life could end in a split second. Maybe I was overreacting, it may be she isn't speaking of what I am thinking of.

"Are you trying to say Mr. Wilkins is a liar?" She added pulling away from me. I always knew man would be my somewhat downfall. I'd like to believe William and I ignored the matter of fact that... he was always there. It was not my fault. Will had always been stubborn.

"I—"

"Do not begin to make a foolery out of me with your lies. Everything all makes sense now. Are you happy with yourself? Are you proud for destroying a home? Liam will hate you forever once I inform him that you're the n****r that broke his parents marriage... Do not even bluff if you think for a second you won. You have not won anything. You have only won yourself a ticket straight to Hell." She stood up, composing herself far away from her, I flinched thinking she was coming for me. Relief poured through my veins... when she backed away. A part of me wanted to tell her that, I know her secrets but I decided the first person I'd want to tell is Liam. I could see the abhorrence and black beast threatening to come out. I felt conflicted... what was she waiting for? What was she devising in her head? I'd rather have her yelling and degrading me to know end than have her quiet in her corner. It rendered me defenseless not knowing what her next thought was. I had not accepted her accusations. I planned on denying it to no end. I was married, people had to believe me over her when I said... there was no such between William and I. It would be her word against me until my child is born. An exciting feeling and simultaneous disheartening with fear. I could not wait to tell William everything. It would hurt to see him hurt and heartsick but to a certain extent... I wanted him to have a reason to leave her.

Jealousy was really having me driven. It was certainly awful of me to be happy that if I couldn't be with William then Lady Tracy shouldn't either. William brought out the best in me but he also brought out the worst out of me. I had never been one to wish people abominably for my own benefit. William made me jealous, malicious and somewhat not a good person. Of all the things I had done and continued to do, it dawned onto me that... I had no right to judge Hector. I had absolutely no say in the in which he lives his life... we were both sinners and the Bible always mentioned there is no big sin or small sin, it's sin.

"How many times?" Lady Tracy broke into my thoughts. "HOW MANY TIMES DID YOUR HIDEOUS EXCUSE OF AN ANIMAL OPEN YOUR LEGS FOR MY HUSBAND?!" She abruptly pushed the tray of tea and saucers off the table. The sound of cutlery breaking, made my heart jump with fear. I remained sat, in my position and watched her pull at the strands of her blonde hair. My throat felt clogged. She looked at me with squinted eyes, pointing her index at me with so much animosity. I flinched, thinking of a way to leave... I could not be with her alone. The veins on her neck began to be visible with how angered she felt.

"Mr.Wilkins told me that he saw the both of you do your shenanigans right here on my—" She slammed her fingers in a fist over the counter. It finally made sense how the kitchen windows were in direct full view of Mr. Wilkins house. "On my counter, my COUNTER, for goodness sake... could you be anymore shameless! We make food here, you make food there and you have seduce my husband into having s*x with you! At least have the decency of doing it on the bed, you animal!"

Seduce?!

Animal?!

"You must enjoy seeing me act like a mad woman. This is far from over! This has just began and I will end you little girl. You're going to regret the day you were born and you will surely piss your pants when I turn William against you." She chuckled. "William is using you and you're so stupid to think he would want anything to do with you!! You better pray that the child you're carrying comes out as dingy and animal looking like yourself!" She walked back and forth around the kitchen. Every step she took gave me jitters. Every step she took made my body flinch. My head was spinning with scenarios, just how far was the drawer with knives... what was close enough for her to use on me.

"I'm not sure if you're aware that, I have William wrapped around my finger and within a split second, I can make him loathe the thought of you. For your own safety... if I were you... I'd terminate the pregnancy." She said softly at the end. Her mood was just going from a hundred to a three and repeat. Steadily walking towards me... she took a sit next me. I flinched yet again. She gave me a smile, that irked me in and out. Lady Tracy laid her hand on mine. They were sweaty and I was afraid. My heart could not stop thudding...

"Panashe, you know how much I care for you right?"

I kept quiet.

"Right?" She pushed.

"Answer me you filthy ape!!"

My throat felt dry. She immediately composed her voice realizing what she had done. "I care about you, Panashe. If this is William's child and you know that it is... terminate it. I can help you. I'm here for you. I assume I was wrong. We, women need to stick together. He surely r***d you, am I correct? I know you would never betray me. You're as loyal as my pet hamster that father gifted me when I was eight. You do not have to keep his evidence of r**e. Keeping the evidence of infidelity..."

"I'd like to leave.." I said abruptly feeling uncomfortable.

"Is it his child?" She asked.

"Is it?" She repeated. "Alright Panashe. When William puts his penis... his Willy in your v****a right where you pee. Does he put white stuff in you or does he put them outside?"

I was fuddled at how stupid, she thought I was. I might not have had any education but certainly I would know how this worked. She honestly belittled me, I suppose, I could continue acting stupid for my own good.

"Panashe? When William puts his pipi inside does he pee white things inside?" She pushed. "I'm only questioning because I care a lot about you. When a man brings out white things, he can give the woman a plague that could make her die slowly. A silent killer, I tell you. A man is not supposed to bring out white stuff. That could make a woman sick and I'm only concerned for your health." She persuaded. If William had not taught me how reproduction worked. I actually think I might have believed her. Perhaps, lacking education was the biggest weapon that pushed slavery forward. We were never aware of anything and could easily be lied to.

"No, only Elliot.." I replied, following along.

"So Elliot put white things inside you, yes?"

"Yes!"

She let out a relieved sigh. "I'm so glad, a white man putting white things on you might have given you a dangerous plague. Refrain from it, alright? I know you made a mistake and I'd like if this stayed between us."

"Ofcourse, Lady Tracy!"

"I trust you..." she said in a threatening manner. "I trust that you will never set foot near William. I trust that, we will forget about all this. I understand you would not like thinking about a man who molested you?"

I only nodded.

I couldn't wait to tell William everything when he returned. I hated that I depended on him, I needed him to feel safe and protected. I needed his word to feel that everything would be alright. Acting a fool, had actually worked. She would not make me kill my child, she would not hurt me in any way with the thoughts that, I was carrying Elliot's child.

—

Deciding this was the right thing to do. I knocked and knocked on the wooden creaked door. It was late but it did not matter. When the door opened...

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry you have to live with people and a world as judgemental as I am. I'm sorry, i made you feel less of a human. I'm sorry, I'm not as supportive as I should be. I'm not perfect and it will take time and adjusting to accept the things we both cannot change but I'm willing to try. I'm willing to try and be there for you regardless of my beliefs."

He did not say anything but just stared. For a while, I was skeptical if I should have or should not have but he then replied.

"You trying means everything to me."