The change ( his mate)

Chapter 17: Stubborn

Lara

I woke up to see Grayson lying on his stomach with his head facing away from me, his arm flung over my waist still sleeping.

As soon as I stirred though, so did he. He rolled over to face me, stroked a strand of my hair gently away from my face. I slapped his hand away and he groaned in frustration. Sitting up in the bed he looked down at me. “Seriously Lara? You’re still doing this, you want to spend your life hating me? Why?”

I shrugged and he growled inhumanly that time. “I can’t f.ucking believe you, I know I broke your heart, but I didn’t mean any of it, I love you, you know I do, I never stopped not even for a second. I only did it to protect you, but you’re a werewolf now, you enjoy this life I know you do, I know you feel things for me, so why do you keep ruining it?”

“I don’t want to—”

“Don’t you dare f.ucking say you don’t want to talk about it! When will you want to? I’m sick of this, everytime I think maybe we’re finally getting somewhere and then you push me away as if nothing ever happened.” He got up and knocked the half filled glass of water off the side of the table sending it flying against the wall to smash.

I swung my feet over the side of the bed and got up to walk away, but he came over and grabbed my wrist spinning me to face him. “Don’t run away from the situation, what the f***k is going on in that head of yours?”

“Get off!” I yanked my wrist out of his grasp and knew he’d let me, he was stronger than me and could have easily kept me there.

I walked towards the door again and he coldly said, “you walk out that door right now, then that’s it, I’m not giving you up, but I won’t chase you anymore either, I won’t fight for you or try to make the first move, when you decide you want me you let me know.”

I hesitated for half a second and then flung the door open and walked out.

I stalked down the hallway angry and stubborn as hell, what was I doing? Why didn’t I just turn around, run back in his arms and declare my love for him? Because I was a coward, plain and simple. I was so scared of opening myself up, that if I did, he’d think, ‘huh, finally, ok, well the chase is over now.’

My rational side knew he wouldn’t, that he’d welcome me with open arms and tell me he loved me too, but that inner voice, the broken little girl in me that had desperately wanted the love of a man, hadn’t gotten it from her father, grown up and never found it in a partner, only fear and pain, learnt only that you never trust a man or what they say, that inner voice whispered that Grayson could never love me, would never love me, he would never want me, not forever, he’d use me up then toss me aside.

I knew I wasn’t good enough for Grayson, he was way out of my league, too good looking, too kind, too loyal, someone like that would never want a girl like me, a coward, shy, a girl who trembles at her own shadow, no where near as pretty as him, average at best, so I pushed him away, kept him at a distance, wanted to hurt him first before he could hurt me, if I expected the pain and disappointment then it would hurt less, it couldn’t creep up on me and destroy my happiness. It was illogical and a terrible way to think, I knew that, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I was sabotaging my own happiness.

I’d told Grayson about my childhood, about my father’s hatred towards me, I’d told him what my karate instructor had done to me too. Grayson had been so mad and upset Leo had to sedate him just to keep him from hunting the guy down. When he had come to he had found me, held me so tight in his arms and told me nothing like that would ever happen again, that he would always protect me, he’d told me how much he loved me, I’d almost believed him until my crushing fear and anxieties came back and I’d ruined yet another tender moment between us.

I was almost outside when I realised I hadn’t brought any money, I’d left my bag in the hotel room in my haste to escape. I was too stubborn to go back in, so I went out and was hit by a bitterly cold wind, I wasn’t wearing a coat, but was still too stubborn, so I rubbed my arms and kept walking along the street.

I didn’t have a plan in mind, just wanted to walk. I walked around the block two times and was thinking enough time had passed that I could slip back in to the hotel and grab my bag, I started heading back and saw Grayson walking towards me with my black backpack slung over one shoulder.

“There you are, what are you doing? It’s f.ucking freezing.” He threw my coat at me and grabbing it I put it on.

“Come on,” he said, his voice sounding neutral, no hint of the tenderness or love that I usually heard in there when he spoke to me. I ignored the pang of hurt and followed him.

We went into a cafe and grabbed some breakfast and then we carried on our search for Brian. We had searched down one side of Bristol and now we started the other end, it was no small thing, Bristol wasn’t a small town, but luck was with us today, by the third hotel we had him. Grayson parked the car onto a side road and we climbed out, didn’t even get inside the hotel before we had his scent.

This hotel was posh, well run and they weren’t so eager to give out any information about a customer. That’s where Grayson could come in handy, he hated it, refused, we even argued for ten minutes outside on the kerb, in the end we had to compromise.

He’d been firm that there was no way in hell he was flirting with the female clerk, the most I could make him agree to was to let her flirt with him at least, to not brush her off or declare that I was his woman and he didn’t need any other. It would have to do.

I was worried it wouldn’t work at first as I watched from outside, what if she was the one young woman that didn’t want to flirt with him? Luckily she did, well, she didn’t flirt she was too busy blushing and tripping over her own two feet to please him. She grabbed the book on the desk, dropped it, quickly picked it up and flipped through the pages, her pale cheeks so bright red I could see them from here.

I was cursing Grayson under my breath, no doubt he was making her feel worse by glaring at her or snarling or something equally unpleasant.

He came back out to me and I snapped, “you could have been friendlier, you said you wouldn’t put her off flirting.”

“I didn’t! I didn’t do jack s.hit.”

“Did you glare at her?”

“No! I didn’t do anything.”

“Did you get his room number?”

He shook his head, “nah, she wouldn’t let me have that, but she did confirm he’s staying there, booked in for a week on the fifth floor, said I could wait for him to return if I wanted to see him.”

“Ok, so do we wait a bit and then try to sneak by?”

“Better idea, let’s go around to the back exit.”

We went around the back, down the side alley and found the fire escape door. Grayson opened it and held it for me then followed me in. We took the stairs to the first floor so she wouldn’t see us, and then we hit the button for the elevator and waited for it. Usually he would try to talk to me or touch me in some way, but he did neither, he kept his distance and quietly waited until the door opened.

We got on and Grayson hit the button for the fifth floor. Here Brian’s scent was strong, he’d been here less than an hour ago and fear flooded me for a second, this was the mutt that had bitten me, attacked me. When I’d found out why he was going around biting women I’d panicked, had a panic attack so bad, Leo had to both restrain me and help me focus on counting down backwards, it hadn’t been easy for him.

When my steps faltered Grayson looked back at me, he came and stood beside me and lightly touched my hand. “Don’t worry, darling, I’d never let him touch you.”

I nodded, blew out a shaky breath, and clutched his hand tightly, I worried he’d throw it away after his words this morning, but he didn’t, he held my hand and led me down the hallway towards Brian’s door.

Grayson was just getting ready to open his door when we felt his presence before we smelt him. Turning our heads we looked down the end and saw Brian staring at us, his mouth open wide, then he turned and ran.

“f***k!” Grayson yelled. We chased after him.

We got halfway down the stairs, Grayson reached him first, flung him back by the back of his shirt making him crash to the floor. Brian tried to roll away, Grayson punched him in the face, but Brian moved just enough that the blow wasn’t hard enough to knock him out, he kicked out at Grayson knocking him to his knees.

Rolling away Brian got up and raced down the stairs, I jumped over Grayson not wanting to give the mutt a head start, he slammed the fire escape door open and ran outside, I chased, caught up to him and tackled him to the floor. We struggled, he punched me in the jaw hard enough my teeth rattled, I punched him back, he pulled me down and we both went tumbling across the rough concrete floor of the parking lot, each getting our own hits in, the floor was rough and when my jeans slid up my leg the floor scraped across my ankle ripping a layer of skin off and making it bleed. Grayson caught up to us hauled Brian to his feet and held him in a headlock. “You want to do it darling?” He asked.

I wasn’t proud of this next part, but my rage took over, all the pain from the trauma of what my karate instructor had done hit me full force, Brian was no different in my eyes, I didn’t know if he had hurt women in that way before, but he would have if they had survived the change, he’d forced the bite upon his victims, wanting them to survive the change so he’d have himself his very own mate, I had no doubt she would have had no say in the matter.

I nodded my head and Grayson pinned Brian’s arms behind his back. “Remember what I taught you?” He said, I nodded, my eyes never leaving Brian’s, and then I reached up and with all my newfound strength I snapped his neck.

“Well done, darling,” he grinned.

I ignored Grayson, what I’d just done wasn’t anything to be proud of, I’d acted too much like Grayson then I cared to admit. My hands shook slightly and he came over and kissed my forehead, “it’s over now, come on, let’s get him out of here and I’ll deal with the body.”

Oh god, body! What was I doing? I went into shock I think, worked on autopilot as I helped Grayson lift the body, it was heavy, I dropped it, he looked at me and saw my eyes, probably saw the haunted look in them because he gently moved me away from the body and picked it up himself, throwing it over his shoulder and hiding it down the alley.

It was risky, but he didn’t even leave me with the body, he took my hand and made me go with him to get the car and bring it here. I don’t remember much else, only that we safely got the body in the trunk, remembered Grayson making me stay downwind in some forest behind a tree while he did what he had to do to dispose of the body.

I remembered us returning to the pack house, Grayson laying me on my bed and holding me from behind while I cried. By the second day he gently eased me out of my shock. “Darling, come on, come downstairs and eat with me,” he whispered against my hair, gently stroking it.

When I didn’t answer he said, “he had to die, you did a good thing, you protected the pack, protected werewolves everywhere, he would have exposed us if he’d carried on, you helped women everywhere too, now he can’t hurt anyone else ever again.”

I slowly nodded, he was right, I clung to his words, had to. I’d kept other women from being his victims, he couldn’t hurt anyone ever again. After that I slowly came to terms with what I had done, stopped having nightmares every night, now they were down to maybe once a month as the weeks passed by.