Two Faces In The Mirror

CHAPTER 1

“You shouldn’t have done that.” Harry’s voice is low, almost a whisper, but it still cuts through the silence. He doesn’t seem to get it. Why doesn’t he trust me? I know what I’m doing. I always know. I’m not... stupid. Sure, I might have acted impulsively, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.

I glance around. The room smells stale, air is thick. There’s a giant yellow bin bag crumpled in the corner, and the walls are painted some sickly shade of yellow with red strips. The couch is green—no, vomit-green—and the bed’s this awful blood-red color. I can’t focus on that, though. I have to focus on something else... something more important.

I look down at my hands. They’re shaking. I’ve got... something on them, but it doesn’t make sense. My hands were clean just a second ago. It’s all too much. I don’t know how I got here, but I know this wasn’t supposed to happen. Not like this.

I hear Harry again, just behind me. “What are you waiting for? Someone could walk in any minute.” His words are sharp, and urgent. “We have to clean this up.”

I don’t move at first. I just sit there, trying to make sense of it. But Harry doesn’t wait. He’s always like this—pushing me. Always pushing.

I stand up slowly. I see the bin bag again, the one in the corner. I walk towards it, hesitant, and when I let it take my weight, the bag gives a muffled sigh. It feels too real. Like it’s breathing, But no, it’s just a bin bag. I must be losing my mind. I shake my head.

I focus on the room, trying to pull myself together. The mess. The body. It’s like I know what’s happened, but I can’t remember the details. Everything’s blurry.

From the other end of the room, a whisper, soft. “Eli, He’s right you know. You shouldn’t have done that.” That’s Alex’s voice. I look to the direction the voice came from and I see a limp Alex on the bed drenched in the same stuff that’s on my hands. What is this stuff? It matches the bed’s awful color. Maybe Alex knows what this is….. I drag myself across the room, looking closely, comparing the substances.

My head snaps back up as I hear creaking floorboards.

I whip around, expecting to see confusion in both Harry and Alex’s faces, but I don’t. They don’t hear the creaking floorboards. There’s someone in the house.

I blink. I’m not sure what happened.

A voice from the back of my mind—Harry’s again. “What’s wrong with you, Eli?” He sounds angry. “We’ve got to fix this. Now.”

“Eli!!!.......ELI!!!!!!” Whoever is making those floorboards creak knows my name. How did they find me? How do they know where I am?

I feel a breath on my neck. The hairs on my neck stand alerting me there’s danger. As I gather up the courage to turn around, it gets a little harder to catch my breath. The room feels smaller, and more suffocating now. I feel the weight of it pressing on me, but I don’t move, I can’t.

A hand pressing on my shoulder. “ELI!!!” Wait. I know that voice. It belongs to mouthy Mara. What is she doing here? I glance round the room to confirm but i don’t see her.

BANG!!!!

I cover my face. I can barely catch my breath. I open my eyes slowly to see an angry Mara staring at me. “My pen, dumbass!!” yelling as she hit my desk again.

When did I even get to school? Am I going crazy? I look down at my hands, and they’re clean, thank God. The bell rings, and the phrase 'saved by the bell' has never felt more true. I quickly gather my stuff, my head spinning with the confusion that’s starting to feel too real. As I rush out of class, I don't even notice the person in front of me until—

I find myself on the ground, the contents of my bag scattered all over the hallway. JUST GREAT. AMAZING EVEN. Of course, on a day when my mind is already unraveling, I bump into him—Jasper, the most popular guy in school.

He turns around slowly, his eyes widening with disbelief that anyone would dare get this close to his prized Yager leather jacket, much less ruin it like I just did.

The tension in the air feels thick enough to cut with a knife. He leans in so close I’m sure he can hear the battle my heart is winning in my chest. “Where are you rushing off to, freak?” His words hit like ice, and it feels like the entire school pauses for a moment. My non-existent social life disappears, replaced by the weight of every stare in the hallway. Everyone’s watching. Whispering. Laughing. I should be used to this by now.

Someone is tugging me. I turn around shocked that someone would still want to be associated with me after this.

HARRY!!! I’ve never been so glad to see someone in my whole life. We packed up my books and headed straight for the door. The sun hit my face almost blinding me but it’s the first time I’m glad to get that warm touch on my skin.

“You know you can’t let people treat you like that.” I can hear the anger in Harry’s voice. He always wants me to stand up for myself but how does someone like me fight off people like Alex and Jasper?

“You know I can’t. I don’t know why you keep insisting” I say, my voice almost a whisper as I look to the ground praying that it shows me mercy and swallows me whole. I hate this conversation.

“I know but it would be nice to see one of these days. Until then you have me.” I could see a glint in his eyes. What was he so happy about?

This is one of the most silent walks home from school I’ve had with Harry. I turn to look at him and he’s obviously in a whole other world, like he’s dazed. I don’t want to be the one to bring him back to reality so I let him enjoy his “daydream”.

“I’m home” whispering into his ear with a hand on his shoulder so he’s not startled. He looks confused but I already decided not to pry, when he’s ready he’ll tell me. Come to think of it, I’ve never actually been to Harry’s house, maybe one of these days I’ll go over there instead of him coming over all the time.

Walking up the driveway I can already feel the tension. What has Dad done again? I’m not going to wait to find out, that’s why I have a perfectly positioned ladder at my bedroom window so I can go in and out without ever being part of the drama. This is what I try to tell Harry, avoiding conflict is the best. I can understand why he’d think confronting it head-on would be the best way to get rid of it, but this has been going on for years. I can’t do anything about it right now, can I?

Climbing up the ladder, I can see my mum frantically waving her hands in the air with that vein on her forehead about to burst. It must be bad. I get to my window and throw my bag in first before throwing myself in. I let the bed take my weight because it’s not easy carrying 140lbs of freak around all day.

On my table, I notice something different. There’s never anything different. Did Isaac enter my room again? I am going to kill him…..

It’s a notebook, but it’s obviously not mine. How did it get here? I would scream and get Isaac here to come take his book and keep out of my room but being incognito at home is more important than that right now.

I stare at it, wondering what secrets in there I could use to keep the little s**t out of my room. No, this isn’t my brother’s handwriting. It’s Alex’s handwriting, his thoughts, his drawings. He never... He never left it here. Why would any of Alex’s stuff be here? Alex hates me. There goes my heart winning that battle again. It’s getting harder to breathe. Is the room spinning or am I? I just know Alex is hiding out somewhere watching me. This is the kind of thing he enjoys, I’ve got to find the camera. I can’t let him do that to me again.

Why would it be here? Why is it on my desk?

It shouldn’t be here.