His Memories of Her

34th

I look at him then to the car door which he opened up for me like a gentleman, it is the first time some another man do it for me aside from family members such as my brother and Kevin but is only as far as I could remember. One thing when I use my head which has been missing some pieces but my body and heart made me feel something else, it seems like I am pretty use to this when I smile and said “Thank you.” Before climbing up and settling myself. It is a cold night but I feel warmth as nostalgia came over flowing into me and a question came into my mind as I watch him run around to the other side.

“Have you done this to me? How often was it?” are the words in my mind that I want to say out loud, loud enough for him to hear and to give me an answer with full of anticipation that I might even feel more warmth from his words.

“You ready?..” he said that made me look at him but he suddenly stop as he looks at me after putting his seat belt on.

“You might miss another year if you do not put this on.” He said to my wonder until he lean towards me making me another kind of warmth, or should I say hotness when he came close to me close enough that I had to held my breath as it will surely be felt at him by the little distance we have in between us when he reach for my right side. I stare at him while feeling hotness on my cheeks and nervousness while I held my breath which I only deep so deep enough to make him notice of it after I heat a clicking sound and found out that it was my seat belt he is talking about.

“Is there something wrong? He said while looking at me worriedly when he heard me taking a deep breath.

I shake my head frantically and said “No! There is nothing wrong.” And felt embarrassed when I heard my own voice cracked.

He chuckle to my voice cracking that gave me no choice but to laugh with him until he said “You are acting weird. Just act normally. And say whatever is on your mind.” That made me look at him surprise.

“Am I acting that weird Dr. Altman?” I said as I look at him starting the engine.

“Hen, just call me Hen like you used to be. But if it makes you uncomfortable, you can just call me Henry. We are colleague, so I guess first name basis is not bad since we are going to work everyday and will always see each other which I am pretty sure will eventually will make us closer. Oh! Well, but at work I guess we could not. It will be too disrespectful. So, I guess when we are out we could do it.” He said non stop that did not gave me a chance to say whatever is on my mind that made me just stare at him.

“Dr. Stevens?” he said after a few moments I guess that I did not say anything.

“Sorry, you just spoke like there is no end which made me unsure when to respond.” I said.

“Oh, is that so? I am so sorry, I am just a little bit nervous.” He said.

I could not help but to giggle to what he just said. I look at him and said “Why are you nervous? If there is someone who should be nervous, it should be me since it is the first time we will be going out and it happened to be at your place.”

The impact made by his car suddenly stopping made me almost bump my head to his headboard. I wonder as to why so I look at him only to find out he is looking at me with his wide eyes and said “I am so sorry. I did not think of that. It is a little inappropriate, is it? We should have gone to a restaurant.”

I look at him with disbelief before I laugh and said “I was dwelling how to tell you that since you mentioned the shopping, I even thought of saying ‘So, how many girls have you taken to shopping to have dinner at your house?’ which made me feel relief now since it does not seem like you are that kind of person.” In between my laugh.

“That kind what kind? And so, are you telling me it is OK or not, it is not yet that late to turn back.” He said frantically.

I look at him and watch his expression that is surprisingly so funny right now before I said “You are not a player, so I guess yes, it is OK. But as long as you will give me room tonight. Because we just passed by my house.” Still laughing a bit.

He sigh in relief and said “Thank God. I just did not think the other way around because I am not so sure if you would be conscious of how you would react in what we are about to do tonight. That is why I selfishly assumed that you would want a place that is more private and secluded.” As he started the engine again and started to drive.

“Hhhmm…. Is that so? I guess that would the missing me would want I guess which I did not also think about until now that you said it, I might really will be too much since I do not really know what was I like ten years ago.” I said realizing the point of his which did not really crossed my mind until now that he said it.

“No, the you that I knew would not be conscious of it. You mostly did not care about what others would say about you.” He said that shook me.

“Then is it something you considered for the me who forgot about that?” I said.

“Yeah, even though it seems that you did not really changed that much, I just could not help but to consider the changes that might have occurred.” He said with a soft tone voice that made me aware of the thoughts he has been weighing in his mind.

“Thank you. But I guess I did not really change since even now I still do not care about what other people would think of me.” I said looking outside, watching the street lights that we have passed that seems like fireflies that are flying in the middle of the night.

“Well, I guess that is true since you let me have that misunderstanding about your nephew.” He said as he stopped the car and made me know that we have arrive to a supermarket. I did not know that a twenty four hours market exist, I thought only convenience stores only.

I hear him unbuckling himself so I did the same like some kid who imitates an adult’s actions as I also climb down when he did which gave me a shook when he said “You should have waited for me.” When I did not notice that he already run around to my side holding my door.

I look at him and smiled before I said “It is fine, I am old and capable enough to get down by myself. Though, I appreciate it so thank you.”

He sigh and said “It is dark enough to make your vision unclear and I am just afraid of whatever could happen.” Closing the door and locking the car.

“I know and I am so sorry but my bag is still inside.” I said in wonder as to why he had to close and lock his car that quick.

“I do not seem to understand as to why you need them when we are here to shop only.” He said smiling motioning me once again to walk ahead of him while his right arm stayed behind me. Even though I could not feel it on my waist, I still know because of our shadow.

“Is that not a point? How am I supposed to buy things without my money?” I said still looking down watching our shadow, well specifically his arm like it is on stand by if I might fall to my back, ready to catch me any time.

“Well, because you are not meant to spend even a cent.” He said.

I look up as our shadow vanishes and sees that we are already in front a door he has been holding up since I do not know by bring focused on his arm's shadow.

“But I would feel bad since I eat like a man.” I said jokingly as I stepped inside.

“I know but still I do not intend to make you pay or even make a half cut of it.” He said as he took a shopping cart.

“Hhhmmm…. I would not argue with you anymore because my guts is telling me that I would not win this time.” I said that surprised me and even him.

He chuckle and said “Finally! For the first time you did not argue with me.”

I look at him and said “Do I love arguing with you?”

He look back at me after putting in our cart some packs of pasta and said “I have told you some free things but you have not heard yet the payment. So, how about I tell you first and let’s see if you would agree so we could continue?” as we continue to walk down to aisles.

“Now that you mention it. I guess, I still have to say yes since I really want to hear everything. So what is it?” I said while looking for something I, myself want.

It shook me when I was about to put a pack of chips into the cart because the cart is missing, making me look around only to find it a few steps behind me and so is he.

“You see, I feel too much to ask you about this and now I just realize, you did not really have to pay for the stories of your forgotten past, so I will just rephrase it. A favor, could you do me a favor in return. But I will hear your answer when we get done with this, and so I am going to tell you the favor at the same time.” He said after a few moments of pause while looking at me.

“You can just tell me now, since I do not really mind if you call it a payment since I am taking some of your time which is just right to be paid in some ways.” I said as I walk towards him with my bag of chips on my hands.

He smiled a little bit and said “You are right, so you could also have sometime to think about it.” As we start walking at the same time again.

“Right, so come on and just tell me.” I said chuckling to him stating an obvious fact.

“You know, you have been to my house a couple of times in the past, you also met my parents and my grandma.” He said which I cut off and said.

“Really? How did that go? Did they liked me?” I said in excited tone.

He chuckle which I am not sure why until he said “I am pretty sure I said couple of times, so I guess I intended to tell you that yeah they liked you.” Which made me so embarrassed.

“Yeah, you ate right, if I was not then I guess those couple of times would have never occur.” I said agreeing to him.

He chuckled some more and said “And so, I want to invite you next week, if you would go to L.A. with me.” He said that shock me in so many ways that are even unexplainable.

“Can I?” I said excitedly until a realization hits me “But they might not remember me anymore, or they might not like me since I am not sure why they liked me in the past.” I added with a little disappointment.

“They would like you again, I am one hundred percent sure about that since you pretty much the same just as you were. It is just that.” He said with a happy tone voiced that went into descending tone as the last part of what he said came out with a solemn tone.

“What that?” I said lowly while watching him and studying his expression.

“Grandma would be happy to see you again. But she would not be able to.” He said with a clear trace of sadness in his tone.

“Hey, it is fine. I am sure that your grandma has something to do with us meeting again since by just judging from what you said, she likes me more than you.” I said in joking tone, trying and hoping to console him and lighten him up at the same time.

He smiled, a sad one and said “Well, she does liked you way even more than her own only grandson.” And a force chuckle which is pretty obvious to me.

I am not sure if it is only me, or if it is only my imagination that I could feel and see these forced things he say and do that have been occurring so frequently in this almost two hours we have been together and it is making me feel sad, it pains me to get them.

“I guess the feeling were mutual, and I could not wait any longer to hear stories about it too, so let’s hurry up to get this shopping done.” I said excitedly, trying my very best to lighten up the mood.

He smiled to me and nods and so we continued to walk aisle per aisle that made me look at him. It seems that he has been going here for so long that he does know to where exactly he should stop to pick a precise thing that the next time I knew is that we are already at the counter with the cast which is almost full.

“Every when do you do this?” I said curiously. I never done this since it is my brother and his wife who always think of this thing whenever they come to visit me, they even know my house more than I do, so I never really tried this which is also fun.

I have seen so many things that I never knew existed, ten Brandon with different types and qualities of a product such as tampons which I only found out how to use when my sister in law taught me how.

“Not exactly precise, but as long as I have time I always make sure to do this. And since I have a whole day free tomorrow, putting them in their designated places could be done tomorrow.” He said as we started putting everything on the counter.

I stare at the cashier as he scan everything, it is also surprising how the dings sound became a song in my ear as to how they came one second after another and yeah, a receipt that is so long, literally long that I could make a sash out of it.

“Such a long………. Piece of paper is it not?” I said I’m joking tone when he handed me the receipt and put the plastic bags in the cart.

“I had to make it double since I will be cooking something for L.A.” he said that made me surprise as we walk back towards his car.

“How can you?” I said watching him to load the car and did not attempt when he said no the first time I did.

“How what?” he said in wonder before he close the car's compartment.

“I mean how can you manage to cook and surely eat properly when you are such an in demand surgeon that spends almost all of your time in the O.R.?” I said as I really could not comprehend it.

He is so busy that his name will always be on board as long as it could be done on the same day. And if I am not mistaken, after almost two months here, I have only seen him to have one hour of break after his surgeries, the longest break he had.

“Why do you not get in first and let me take this cart back and I will tell you when I come back?” he said motioning me towards the car door where I climb down earlier.

“I guess you are right. Pushing a cart is not something two person is needed to do.” I said in sarcastic tone that made him chuckle a little bit.

“How can I make a woman do something like loading the car or even the cart when I, myself is a physically fit man to do it. And do not be frighten, I will lock the car once you get inside while I go return this cart.” He said without stopping as I climb up the car after he opened the door for me and closes it once I got settled. I did not have a chance to say anything as he quickly lock the car as soon as he closed the door and went to put back the cart.

“I am not sure what to feel anymore. I just could not understand how he is acting towards me and with me. Though I do not find it annoying of anything bad of it, but still I feel like I am being discharge in a way is not supposed to be.” I said out loud as I am alone in the car while I watch him through the car's window as he put the cart back and walks back towards me with big steps made by his long legs.

“It is not really like I am curious of how I have lived my life in those three years. It is not the accomplishments and studies I am curious about since I have seen all the details because my brother have so much time to do a scrap book full of all the achievements I had in school. I am more curious of how I became known to this man who I have seen in those pictures until he was gone on the first thing of my last year as high school student giving the impression of him being older to me and to find out recently that he was an upperclassmen. It is the relationship we had which I really want to know.” I said outlook again as I keep on watching this perfect man approaching me in such a hurry.

If I was nervous earlier and frantic for being invited and assumed that it is OK for me to come here, at his house. I do not think I would be saying the same thing right now.

The ride took almost one hour from city to the woods, in this woods that we are passing by since the moment we entered that big gates with “ALTMANS" engraved to the heavy metal of those gates. It is a little bit dark but that is only beyond after the lamp post that are standing in both sides of the slightly rocky road. The lights have given me a slight peek of the woods, I have not seen what is beyond, but I could tell that it is all tall trees and grasses. I could not see the leaves of the trees and only the trunk making me realize that it is way taller than the lamp posts. I could tell that whatever I am not being able to see, something that belongs to him or at least to his family.

“You did not told me that you live out of the city.” I said as I keep watching the long aisle of a road. 

He chuckles and said “You did not ask. You could not see anything right now but I will give you a tour tomorrow.” While driving with one hand and scrolling to his phone with the other. Making my eyes went wide.